How do I tell my mom I’m moving in 87 days?

[Anonymous]

My mom and I live together. I’m 23, and we both work full time even though I pay majority of bills when it’s suppose to be split even. I’m moving to another state to be with my fiancé, which she knows but she doesn’t know exactly when I’m leaving. I need help with trying to tell her when I am. We are behind on rent but only because she doesn’t put much $ into bills like I do.

I know she’s going to feel some way since our lease is up in May and I plan to leave in March. I do plan on paying half of the rent for March but leaving a little extra $ for April rent since she won’t have anymore help. I just need to know how to go about telling her I’m leaving in March

[AmandaYVR]

The fair thing to do would be to leave in May, not March, and to tell her now or as soon as possible. She needs time to logistically and emotionally prepare for this.

How do you tell her? You just sit down and do it. You have very valid reasons. You are in love, you're an adult, and it's time to move ahead with your life.

Tell her to feel proud that she raised you, and you appreciate it, but her job is now done. And you wish her the best with her life, and will stay in touch even though you will be living apart.

Maybe take her out to dinner, so that you have an hour where you both need to keep things civil and composed. She'll need to process it there, in public, which she will not like, but it might prevent her from mistreating you or being cruel or berating you. At least for one hour. (I say that, because if she's irresponsible with money, she might not be the most responsible with her emotions, either.) Plan this, but don't tell her you planned it. As long as you don't look too awkward or nervous beforehand, just act like you spontaneously decided to tell her then. Make it a good meal, and buy her a cocktail. She'll need it. Her baby is leaving her now. It's a monumental thing for a mother.

[Asker]

Technically the lease is in her name I was under age when we moved to our place. I will sit down and talk to her. In the begging I was planning on staying until May but we got into a serious argument and that made me decide to leave sooner. Not to be selfish but I’ve been paying 99% of the bills by myself for the past 4 years…so honestly she needs to figure things out on her own. She’s quit so many jobs the past 4 years that I’ve to struggle alone. She honestly isn’t good with her $ management. This past week she said she’ll pay the light bill but last night comes around to say that the bill is this amount and expected me to pay it. This past week she had car issues and needed a new battery. I paid for her to get a new battery, she says she’s going to pay me back but I doubt it because she still owes me for other stuff. I can’t keep doing majority if we’re suppose to be a team

[AmandaYVR]

I see. Yeah, your mom's gonna have to grow up sometime.

Hopefully you can leave on relatively good terms. Sometimes geographical divides cause emotional divides. But you seem to have done your best to be accommodating in the 5 years you've been living with her (or more, all your 23 years.)

[Asker]

I hope so too. It’s been a struggle and I’ve given so much I have nothing else to give honestly. I have put my personal goals to the side because of helping her and trying to manage the household. I have no life nor friends.

[AmandaYVR]

It's understandable. It's time to live your life now.

[Dinklex3]

Pretty sure you have to wait until the lease is up or pay an early termination fee.

It'd be easier to bring up if you re evaluate your time line instead of planning on breaking the lease which you can possibly be taken to court for.. unless you're not even on it.

[Asker]

Idek if I’m really in it. When we moved to our place I was 19 and only her name was signed as of her being the head of household I guess I don't know it’s weird

[Pyrofox]

Pull some overtime and leave her a small nugget of money and explain to her when she asks whats going on that your thinking ahead and this isn't a goodbye but its time for you to seize the next step in your life and that means a new chapter. >w< And you hope this can give her strength to keep going as you'd like her to be a grandmother to if and when you might have kids... But reassure her thats gonna be in the future for a few years at minimium. hehe~ And reassure her that your not going to do anything too risky without planning it out just as she has.

[Asker]

Sadly my job has no over time ☹️. But I’ll be having some $ coming in soon. I plan to catch on bills that way there’s nothing overdue so she can manage herself

[Pyrofox]

Good luck then 😉

[AviatorTom]

Put a calendar on the wall in the kitchen, where she's sure to see it, and circle the date you leave.

[dustybiker]

Better tell her soon. You’ll be leaving her in a mess.

[Asker]

But I’ve been left with mess for 4 years! I’ve been paying and struggling to stay on top of bills for so long. Then when she gets a job it doesn’t last a month so she has no $ to really help me pay bills consistently

[dustybiker]

No, I get it. But you can be the better person.

[OlderAndWiser]

"Mom, we need to talk."