If a woman wants an ambitious man or a man that makes a good amount of money, why is she automatically a gold digger? If she wants 6 kids and to stay home and raise and teach them, why is she a whore for wanting a man that makes 100k a year who also wants lots of kids and a wife to raise them?
good point, she isn't!
it's ok to have values, morals, and standards!
What's happening is the guys don't measure up so they complain about it.
There are "gold diggers" that just want to use guys with money... that's a gold digger.
Stay at home parent is the most valued position in the country. need more of those... if the govt hadn't ruined the financial system it be possible.
I don't care if you want to be a stay-at-home mom to take care of the kids, but I have an issue when women want to be a stay-at-home mom without having kids and to focus on their hobbies. Thats the lamest shit ever 😅
To be fair, lots of men do that while a woman will support him as he pursues creating his own business.
I think it’s fine tho so long as she’s cooking him all three meals, and doing cleaning every day like dusting or deep cleaning. I know a YouTuber with kids who are in school but she stays home and does SO MUCH. I love watching! She does hobbies too, but they’re productive. Recycling things in creative ways, knitting clothes, creating a good atmosphere with organized flowers, taking care of plants they eat from.
If that's how people want to live and have their relationship set up, then that's fine.
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"If a woman wants an ambitious man"
Most ambitious men (myself included), do not want any kids, and only want ambitious women with the same, similar, or complimentary skills/talents, not stay at home moms/maids.
"or a man that makes a good amount of money"
Most wealthy men want a wealthy wife, not a financially dependant wife. In fact most men are so afraid of being screwed by divorce fees, that they make it a requirement that their wife makes even more money than they do, just so he can keep all his own earnings and property if they ever divorce (its rather like gold digging insurance).
"why is she automatically a gold digger?"
Where is your 100k income? Why do you need mine?
"If she wants 6 kids and to stay home and raise and teach them, why is she a whore for wanting a man that makes 100k a year who also wants lots of kids and a wife to raise them?"
She's not, however the odds of a business minded man wanting 6 kids or a stay at home non business oriented wife, is almost zero.
A stay at home mom is not a maid… and I think most would disagree with you. A lot of men work hard so that they can provide a good life for their wife and kids; and most men don’t care what their wife’s career is.
Staying at home, cooking meals, caring for the house, homeschooling the kids, late nights, early mornings… much harder than whatever you’re doing, I assure you. But more fulfilling as well. 🤷♀️
The income is so she can stay home and raise the kids and fulfill basic needs and maybe some lol. How would a woman be a stay at home mom and also make that much?
Statistically it’s proven that kids highly benefit from one parent staying home. And what could I ever want as a career that would be better than being a mom?
"A stay at home mom is not a maid…"
/ = "or", I was accounting for the stay at home women who don't want kids but want a rich husband, because most of us don't want that either.
Though now that you bring it up, actually all moms are maids, its part of motherhood to constantly clean up after messy kids and tidy up the house.
"and I think most would disagree with you."
Not the ones making 100k or more per year lol. The average blue collar worker dude though? Sure.
"A lot of men work hard so that they can provide a good life for their wife and kids; and most men don’t care what their wife’s career is."
Again, you are describing blue collar workers, not the super rich. Rich people get rich by not working hard, and instead having their money grow automatically through sales and investments.
"Staying at home, cooking meals, caring for the house"
I can cook, and I'd still rather eat out if rich. House is low maintinence, almost nothing to clean, and its organized in order, my order, no messing with it.
"homeschooling the kids,"
Don't want kids, its bad for career life.
"late nights"
Yep
"early mornings…"
Nope.
"much harder than whatever you’re doing, I assure you. But more fulfilling as well."
Again, the rich work smart, not hard, and find hobbies fullfilling.
"The income is so she can stay home and raise the kids and fulfill basic needs and maybe some lol."
Get your own income, or marry a middle/lower class guy.
"How would a woman be a stay at home mom and also make that much?"
Most millionaires work from home over the internet.
"Statistically it’s proven that kids highly benefit from one parent staying home."
They do, and statistically rich men benefit from not having any kids.
"And what could I ever want as a career that would be better than being a mom?"
Plenty of things, but your view on that is why you won't attract that kind of guy. because we only like very interesting women who have marketable hobbies, skills and talents (artists, engineers, musicians, etc.) because they are relatable, and relatability matters the absolute most to the type of guy you are interested in.
For a while I was going after men who were in their late thirties and forties, already established and wealthy… all they wanted next was a wife and kids. Most men who are wide understand there’s not much more that’s as fulfilling or as important.
And I do art, I’ve sold plenty. I cook too, I’ve been to school for it. But I’d much rather spend that energy and those efforts on creating things for my husband, children, and home; rather than strangers who when it comes down to it don’t really know me or care about me. Why would I want to work and contribute to society without having a reason to do so? It’s all self centered, and sad. Just children and who want to buy shallow, empty things to try and make themselves feel something. But you won’t get that joy and fulfillment from fancy Paris parties.
Having kids isn't important at all to most rich men. Having fun is.
I personally hate parties though. And I make art and other projects because I want them, selling them allows me to spend all my time on those and other hobbies.
Some rich men marry boring women, have kidsm then fet divorced and remarry a more interesting woman who doesn't want kids and instead wants to be a business and hobby partner.
You’re still on the young end of it. I’ve been around a lot of wealthy men; and it’s not the case. When you get into your 40s, you will see a lot of your successful but lonely peers feel the desire to settle down.
I never said I don't want to settle down, I've known I wanted to settle down with a wife for over 2 decades. I just don't want any kids.
I want a wife, a custom house, technology, art, games, collectables, exotic pets, but no kids.
I want me and her to both be stay at home childless career people who co-op projects together.
You may feel like that now, but again you’re on the younger end. And even if you decide to stay in that mentality, there’s a large proportion of middle age wealthy men who want a wife and kids. Either it’s what they’ve been working so hard for, or they wake up and realize that’s all they want now.
You have no idea how many doctors my dad worked with who have been saving up, own multiple houses, and have just been on the lookout for traditional women who want lots of kids. Lots of business men are like that too, and they’re open about what they have to offer.
They have wealth, and the woman has youth and beauty. It’s a mutual exchange of desires needed to raise kids, tho that doesn’t mean they settle for an abusive man or a toxic women either. But there is a lot of desperation from them for that, even more so from men in their 50s. By 60s, a lot of those dudes have given up on trying and that’s probably for the best, times ran out.
I'll always be in that mentality, its part of finding art and entertainment media fulfilling and family life boring.
"there’s a large proportion of middle age wealthy men who want a wife and kids"
No there isn't lol, only about 16% of men in the US make 100k or more, and most of those are already married, and out of the single ones, most are players who cheat, and out of the single ones ones who aren't, most of those are old boomers, are you gonna date a fat, balding man in his 60s? Or a fuck boy wo won;t settle down? Probably not.
What you want is VERY rare, which is fine, but you won't have an easy time finding a guy.
To be fair, what I want in a woman is equally rare, but I admit that.
That’s why I said it’s for the best those in their 60s give up lol. I wouldn’t have gone over 45 myself.
I’m talking about men over 40, who are wealthy, never have had kids or been married. There’s a lot of desperate ones who are scouting for a wife 🤷♀️ millionaires even. If a woman just learns to stay in decent shape and be pleasant; it’s not hard to find.
In the end I didn’t go for that tho, just because it’s hard to find many Christian men in that bracket. Most of them are kind, whether conservative or liberal. But having a Christian dad is more important than a rich one.
"I’m talking about men over 40, who are wealthy, never have had kids or been married."
Most of those are players who don't want kids or marriage. And there is not "a lot" of them, there is not even "a lot" of wealthy people, being wealthy is VERY rare.
You are going to have a lot of comeptition.
competition*
You can find a christian guy easy, but a rich one? unlikely.
A lot of rich people are atheists though, especially inventors, engineers, and other sorts of enriching science oriented careers.
Eh, there really isn’t a lot of competition because of feminism. I mean even celebrities will go after an average woman or a b list model when he’s 40, have some kids. Altho I see those relationships fail. I think probably a lot of infatuation involved when it comes to stardom.
And yeah, but lots of hardworking and ambitious Christian men.
There is tons of competition. Feminism is mostly an internet fad with very little women in real life having anything to do with it. And yes those relationships are almost always failures, and you mostly see actors doing that, actors are cheaters.
Nah, there really isn’t a lot of competition. I’m mid af and all I did was not be miserable. Most women who are under 25 or even just under 30 are pretty unbearable to be Around. Tiktok is a disease for sure.
I disagree with that entirely, early to mid 20s women share my hobbies and interests about 30% of the time and are generally easy to be friends with, whereas less than 1% of women my age or older are relatable.
Its why my type is rare, I want one closer to my age but its like a damn unicorn.
Honestly, I think the term gold digger is misused a lot these days by guys trying to disrespect women, which stems from guys' frustration fuels by two things.
First, there is a lot of denial among today's women about what they want. The truth is they DO still want men to fulfill their traditional gender role, which is to provide for their families. This is obviously problematic for women given their clear issue with traditional gender roles for women.
And second, women and society have been disrespecting men for decades, and men are finally fed up with it and are hurling disrespect back at women.
It’s not really right to paint all women like that when it’s not even half. Men have disrespected women for centuries, let’s not play that game. It’s not productive
That's true, historically. But it's predominantly women who have done it in recent decades, and still do it today, and now men are doing it more and more.
The fact is, today's men are not responsible for what happened in the past, but today's women are absolutely responsible for what today's women are doing, so let’s not play that game. It’s not productive.
They’re not, you’re grouping us all together. I’ve experienced sexism and rape personally; but I’m not out here blaming all men. That’s messed up. I’m not responsible for the actions of a few, especially when it’s mostly just the media easily manipulating weak minded people Into fighting each other and furthering the divide.
Agreed, it's not all women. However, the condition I referred to earlier has been largely created and perpetuated by the "bad" modern women you allude to, yet there are precious few good women who even acknowledge that, let alone speak out about the underlying problem.
It’s not even half of women that are like that lol
Is there a reason you didn't address the point I made in my last post?
She’s not a gold digger, but A man in such a Situation would get killed in a divorce from child support alone, let alone alimony and an unfair division of property. Few men making that kind of money would let themselves get into a situation where they have a non-working spouse and six kids.
There’s a difference. Gold diggers are women that want a man for his money without providing anything in return, so that also goes for the women that go for men that don’t want a relationship like this.
Women like this are usually pretty open about what they want. 🤷♀️
Is it a gold digger if a man just wants a trophy wife then?
@asker that’s a different ball park and possibly an even trade off but usually a man that wants a trophy wife is falling into the trap of being in a relationship with a gold digger. It just is what it is. Again I think there’s a difference between wanting a providing man for a family vs being in a relationship for the sole purpose of money. For example, a man that makes below $100,000 can be a provider for a family. I think wanting a man for his money without being a valuable support system is another form of gold digging. Sometimes you just have to be supportive while he’s trying to make his life a success
That’s why I also said ambitious. I wouldn’t want a man who would settle for 20k a year. If he’s working towards something or I see potential, it’s another story.
And every man that wants a trophy wife knows exactly what he’s signing up for 😂
But I think a misconception is that just because you want one thing, it means you’ll settle for someone you don’t like. That’s not true at all. If a guy having blue eyes was the most important thing to me, or being funny I don't know. Just because I’m restricting my field to those men; doesn’t mean I’ll take any of those men. There’s still other standards. For me it’s just about morals, values, and future goals if they match.
@asker I agree, but sometimes that guy making $20k to start will eventually be that guy making 90k or more and providing for you. I will definitely agree and say it definitely depends on what that guy is doing to provide himself a future like that. I get what you mean. You just don’t want a bum of a man, and I can agree to that, BUT you are also at an age where typically people including yourself are building your life and I’m sure you aren’t making that right now lol if you are in a relationship at this age or even 25-35, you do have to be a great support system , especially to a valuable man. You need to give him a reason why he should be a hard working man for you.
🤷♀️ a good guy doesn’t need much more ambition than the ideal of a family and an attractive woman, or at least one who is more attractive than him. I’m average af but when I talked to my boyfriend and we realized we both want a big family, he changed careers right away… we’d only been dating two weeks 😂
I was just thinking about it and remembered a post from years ago that was saying wanting that makes a woman a good digger. I really disagree, because a gold digger is looking to get as much money as possible for herself. A woman who just wants to be able to afford a traditional role I don’t think is even similar.
@asker I think you are downplaying yourself if that’s the case. Your boyfriend most likely saw way more potential for a successful relationship with you on top of the fact that you showed him support right away. You probably are beautiful, but again to say your boyfriend switched careers just because you are beautiful just seems super unrealistic. But I think it very much so depends. I’d consider a woman wanting a traditional role but having nothing at all to provide for a man besides popping out kids isn’t a good look.
Oh yeah, no it’s crazy for sure. I feel like I don’t deserve him at all; he’s great. But we match on morals and values, and both just wanna get married and have kids. He puts me on a pedestal I don’t really deserve, but im learning to let him do that because it gives him a muse to work around. If idealizing me makes him work harder, then I want him to succeed. And it makes me work harder to be the kind of woman who deserves him.
Well he loves my personality too. He was pleasantly surprised that I’m conservative, and says how great it is to be able to talk for hours when normally he can’t tolerate a woman for more than twenty minutes.
But I don’t think it’s bad for a man to initially be attracted to a woman just based on looks; and then fall in love with the rest of her. I think women do the opposite most the time, at least I do. Get perused by a guy, flattered. While she isn’t attracted to him, when she falls for his personality he becomes the most attractive guy she knows.
@asker looks only make someone attracted to you sexually, it doesn’t make a man change his entire career plan. But I’ll disagree, we all fall for looks in the beginning , that doesn’t make a person keepable. If that was the case, then all these celebrities that have time and money to look amazing would be in long term relationships.
Yeah, no I agree. It takes more than looks but men are much more driven by them; and I think it’s alright so long as they’re realistic. Like I said I’m pretty average, but for mine he says I’m the hottest woman he’s ever been with. He feels like I’m out of his league, I feel like I’m out of his! It pushes us both to do our best.
@asker looks drive a man sexually, they don’t drive a man to keep you. What drives a man to keep a woman is 1. If he wants to be kept in the first place 2. If that woman Provides him a sense of peace that he can’t even achieve on his own. Again, you are probably beautiful in his eyes, but your personality makes him feel like he has the whole package that he can’t let go of.
Also, if you feel like your looks are the only thing keeping things together , consider trying to bring more value as you are still very young and things change over time. Your goal is to bring a man to realize that there’s no other better feeling than having a woman especially you by his side
I already said that’s not it. Looks are just what’s making him put me on a pedestal.
I think if a guy falls in love with a woman’s looks and then her; his initial view of how she looked when he first fell in love sticks throughout then to their old age. That’s how it was for my great grandparents, and my parents lol. My mom was a baddie and my dad still sees her like that. I mean she’s still hot but she’s fatter and older; but he still feels just as lucky. And she feels really lucky that he tolerates her lol. It’s really sweet.
@asker lol what you Aren’t understanding is your grandparents have been through so much to do the point where life would feel drastically different if they were to separate now. They probably don’t even remember the feeling of not having each other in their lives. You are comparing young love to old experienced love. The bottom line is you need to provide something in the relationship to keep it going to the point where your significant other can’t picture their life being without you. You are still young and things do change. I don’t even really know how long you and your man have been together. Just please don’t think your beautiful looks are going to do justice to the point of your grandparents.
Great grandparents* my grandparents were not the same.
And they definitely still were obsessed with each other. My grandma walked in on them neckin at ninety 😂
I already said lol, that he likes that I can hold conversation, we have the same morals, values, and religion.
I didn’t say this but we also both have a good sense of humor which is pretty important.
@asker those are surface level aspects lol they definitely get a relationship going and more likely to succeed, but you are going to go through different life situations and you have to have a common ground on how you both handle those life situations. Not trying to make you nervous here lol it just seems like you are in a new relationship and speaking way ahead of what you have even experienced. You are both young and things can change , which is why I’m saying please bring more than just looks. He is young and needs tons of support , understanding, and open mindness
Well he’s 27. How are morals and values surface level? I don’t think anything’s more important to have in common.
And you are still 18-24, which means you can be anywhere from 18-24 which is a stage of life where your values may change overtime. I don’t even have the same values as I did when I was 23 , and I’m 25. So you as a person can change or even being if you are providing only looks, you aren’t providing basis for someone long term. He’s 27 which more of less is an age where a guy is contemplating commitment but isn’t all the way there. Take this from a girl that dated someone that is 32 when I was 22, it didn’t work and he simply didn’t want to be kept, but my looks kept him around for a year and a half. He wasn’t the right guy for me BUT like I said 18-24 is an age range where you are still learning about yourself and your idea of life may change.
I’m 22, but I’ve always had the same morals and values. A little shift, but mostly the same. At times I’ve strayed away from them, but now I’ve put what I want into perspective and decided to be wise about my future. If your morals and values are fluid, you probably weren’t very knowledgeable or secure in them to begin with. I’ve done a lot of research into why I feel and believe the things I do, and can defend those beliefs passionately.
@asker like I said, you are very young and things do change. Three years does make a huge difference whether you think so or not. I’m sure your relationship is a less than two year ordeal , which is why I’m saying take it day by day and don’t think you won him over forever just because you have him in the moment. The idea that your looks have won him over completely is a huge sign that you haven’t fully matured
That’s what happens if you don’t have religion Ig. I’ve been secure in my values and beliefs; and I’ve experienced a lot of pain and reality of life. When I was sixteen I made some shifts, but those shifts were only in the way of securing my conservative values more strongly. 🤷♀️ you can be flimsy, but I know why I believe what I believe and I have faith in it. Not everyone wants to wander. I’m open minded; but certain things cannot be swayed.
@asker i had conservative beliefs in one of my relationships and now I don’t have those beliefs lol trust me when I say this, it goes beyond religion anyways. Values with life in general can change. This is why I’m saying surface level things like you mentioned just barely count because there’s a lot more that goes into relationships than just values and morals. I was your age 3 years ago and I can confirm that things do change, maybe not your religion but you do not typically carry the same mindset from 22 to 25. Ask anyone that is older than the age of 25 if they are exactly who they are when they were 22 lol
I really hope I won’t be the same person lol. I strive to live up to the morals I hold as valuable. I know I often fall short
I don't have an issue with that but if that woman has a extreme past in chasing those men and none wifing her and she's a jump off & just collects free expensuve stuff then I would see her as gold digger. But I have no issue with a women not wanting to be in poverty or having a bad life for their kids.
That doesn't make her a gold-digger. She's a good-digger if she pretend sexual interest to obtain goods and entertainment.
What if she doesn’t pretend sexual interest? She’s either a whore who exchanges sex for money; or a prude who won’t give it up?
Think of it this way why does the man need the money? Why can't you be the one that makes 100k a year? Well you may say that's because you wanna be the traditional stay at home mom or what not. Which is a fair argument. However if it's really about the kids lives and not your own than you should be determined enough to make the money yourself for Your kids if not that makes you kind of lazy. This goes the other way around as well. Now the main thing I have to say is this. RELASTIONSHIPS are for love not for your own benefit you get with people because you are interested in them but you stay with them because you love them it shouldn't be because it benefits you. Now think ahead and about future kids is good but when you think about loving someone and settling down for your OWN life then all the money shouldn't matter that much that's why it makes you seem like a gold digger. I hope that makes sense. And I hope I can change your mind. If you're reading this have an amazing day.👍👍
Statistically it’s way better for the kids to have a parent stay home, but go ahead and be selfish if you want. Idc
She isn't. But how does the guy differentiate before marriage between one whose goal is genuinely a big family and one who is just saying that so she can get a free ride?
By asking? And lots of people would say she is. I’m just trying to understand the logic.
Asking doesn't prevent her from lying.
@TheSpaceGnome use good common sense then lol. A man could cheat in a marriage too.
Common sense for me is to not date women who don't have careers.
@TheSpaceGnome most women with careers but go into retirement without kids are unfulfilled and unhappy… but if that’s what you want 🤷♀️ if you’re looking for that kinda woman you must never complain about feminism then lol.
feminism is man hating garbage and has nothing to do with this topic. I go for creative women who are career and fun driven and don't want kids.
@TheSpaceGnome that’s exactly what feminism promotes 🤷♀️
No, feminism promotes man hating and literally nothing else.
@TheSpaceGnome nope
Yup.
@TheSpaceGnome nah
I don’t call that whoring, I call that being a wife.
If you’re loyal nothing makes you a whore.
🤷♀️ a lot of guys would disagree, unfortunately. I’m just trying to understand why.
I’d say a lot of those guys are aware they’re being used, as they’re using her for her body as well. I think you’re probably thinking of average guys who are manipulated by a woman because he’s an easy target. It’s less about money and more about the game for them.
Look at the gold digger trope, it says that gold diggers and housewifes are different things.
You just answered your own question. If a woman only wants a guy because he makes a lot of money, then she doesn't and could never "love" the guy other than what he makes, also there is a very high probability that if the opportunity presents itself she'll upgrade to a guy who makes even more money. Also a woman like that will leave the man as soon as he falls onto hard times.
Who said that would be it? It’s the same thing as saying I’ll only marry a conservative or a Christian. I still have other standards; that’s just one of them.
Huh?
A woman is a gold digger if she wants a dude to pay for everything and fund her lifestyle while she sits on her ass
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