Should women be more selfish mothers?

[MzAsh]

Many women today have hesitations around having kids. For some, it's a matter of finances. For others, it has to do with the fear of losing personal freedom and independence.

Recently, I came across a video where clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson discusses women over age 30 and the roles they choose in life, whether that be career woman or mom. In it, he claims that highly creative women who are moms could balance their lives by being more disagreeable and selfish.

“The trick is, if you’re a highly creative woman, is be disagreeable enough so you can carve yourself out your own space so you don’t come to resent your children.”

“I would say, your best bet is to be a more selfish mother.”

What are your thoughts on this? Could modern moms stand to be more selfish?

Yes

No

It depends

[Brittanyroseee]

I don’t want kids for many reasons. I value my privacy, freedom, career, and money over children. I also just do not have a motherly instinct at all. I prefer pets…. Their not a huge responsibility, not as expensive, they are CUTE, and i can still have my freedom while owning a pet whereas a child, i would be forced to stay at home. I think toddlers and babies are gross. There is no way im going to be changing diapers that is nasty. I would rather clean up dog poop, cat litter and soiled puppy pads over touching a dirty diaper with human infant feces inside of it. I like to make money and save my money, not spend it on unnecessary things such as a child. I also don’t want to be tied down to the father in case he hurts me, leaves me, or cheats on me, I can easily move on but if I have a child with him, I won’t move on because I would still be co-parenting with him and I would feel sadness in my chest knowing he doesn’t want me anymore. I also do not think 9 months of pregnancy and giving birth which is one of the most painful things a person can go through, is worth it. I find it unnecessary once again. I don’t have much patience for a screaming crying infant. I don’t want to wake up throughout the night to feed it, whereas with a puppy, it will be crate trained and Im able to get my sleep lol. I can leave my dog or cat at home to go out to work or with friends but with a child, you are LUCKY to have one day to yourself. These are my reasons🤷🏼‍♀️

[shaysh87]

In my opinion, we are all selfish to a certain extent. Its just that we live in a society where people like to criticize others for being selfish but then secretly they also do very selfish things themselves behind closed doors. At the end of the day, we are all selfish to a certain extent. There are men who criticize single women in their 30s for having kids without a husband. Meanwhile these are the same childless men who insist it is a good idea to have kids at 55 (clearly its not a good idea).

My parents didn't have the financial resources to raise my brother and i. We faced a lot of problems, hardships and trauma growing up under poverty. It was a selfish decision on their part that imposed a lot of hardships on my childhood and even in adult life. But it was a decision they made. We are all selfish to a certain extent. Its just human nature.

[JustAnj]

I'm not sure Selfish is the right word but more self care, self love. As a mom we think about our kids first and even place our husbands in front of USS but last as well. This can be very bad for marriage and also teach your kids to be too selfless and never take care of themselves as they care for others. Which could lead them taken advantage of in general relationships.

I myself am trying to learn how to be a mom and wife while still having my own individuality and time for just me through out the day. I think that's pretty important lesson for me right now. I felt sad seeing my mom never being more than a house wife and parent. She looked like she wanted so badly to be more.

[BlackBeauty90]

My mother is a very selfish woman. She is also a very demeaning woman - I got my hair cut yesterday by a young hairdresser & my mother burst into laugher because of the girl's lack of confidence - with a "hard by" attitude as if the whole world owes her.

I find that many selfish people have similarly sour attitudes. They are selfish because they are miserable with themselves, miserable with their lot in life, and thus like children who never grow up blame everyone else for their troubles.

I can't stand my mother.

[Selena1987]

My mom sacrificed her own needs and life for her children.
I remember she didn’t buy new cloths for herself but she bought for us every thing in its best.
I love her a lot and she has a special position in my life and my taught.
She chose this way because it was her nature and couldn’t do anything else. By walking on another way, she herself couldn’t feel happy.
I think every woman or even every person despite of its gender should do what she/he is satisfied with.
Maybe I feel so satisfied by devoting my life to my children and some one else by excelling at work.
It’s important for us to find our own way in the life and not compare our life and condition with others.
Do everything which makes you feel better in life.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Are you seriously genuinely considering an old repetitive white man for mothering advice?

Jordan Peterson is a horrid example for everything. Unless you want to raise a future alt-right white supremacist incel. Then he's a perfect role model.

[MzAsh]

Regardless of your opinion on him, what are your thoughts around the idea presented?

[Subarugirl]

I heard this phrase some where, I can't remember who it was from but went something like, "you can't pour from an empty cup". How can you expect to take proper care of and meet the needs of others if you aren't taking care of and meeting your own needs.

It's like when they do a pre-flight safety demonstration and tell you to put your oxygen mask first before helping anyone else.

[annabananna]

It’s hard to give an answer because some moms are too selfish and never consider their kids and some could def benefit with a little self love and me time. It’s all about balance

[LilyoftheLake]

Woah. That video was really good. Who's Jordan Peterson?