How to look after a 16byear old and 7 year old?

[artsy_dragon]

There was an emergency this morning. Russia re captured Soledar, in the Donbas region of Ukraine. my grandparents znd other family members live there. I knew my brother was going out to help as he is a doctor and then I was meant to go out in a few weeks.

However, I get a knock on my door with brother, my parents wnd my neice saying that they (my brother and my parents) will be leaving for Ukraine at this moment. My neice (my brothers child) is 7 and he girlfriend are separated I guess. Anyways her mother is somewhere in Europe rn and my brother has left the country.

My younger sister, is 16 and can look after herself but I'll keep an eye on her. I've got an older sister as well but she isn't in the country as she is studying abroad. There is no one else in the part of the UK we live in that can keep and eye on them. So yeah I'm here now 🤔

I have no clue what currently happening. I'm tempted to go back to my parents house and stay there with my neice and younger sister. My sister lives there obviously and my neice has her own room there. Plus my flat/apartment is too small so it makes more sense. They don't know I've dropped put of university but they just said "you'll figure it out round your schedule?" 😐

Do um yeah, not sure what to do rn. They are currently in school so I have a few hours to figure it out. I've baby sat them before for a night and a few weeks but I don't know how long this will last. Am I their legal guardian now? Help please, I have literally no idea what to do rn 😮‍💨

[Anonymous]

So, the first thing to point out is that this is not your problem, you are not responsible for that child so there is absolutely no requirement for you to do anything at all.

Clearly though these are unusual circumstances and families often help each other in many ways so you may feel obligated and or you may well want to help etc.

You are not in the Ukraine anymore, in the UK this is potentially criminal behaviour, your brother and the mother of this child have a legal responsibility to look after their child. They (the parents) dont necessarily have to be directly looking after them but it is questionable whether dumping them on a random family member who is in no way equipped to deal with the situation (as evidenced by this post) qualifies as meeting their legal responsibilities to the child.

It would certainly have been illegal for you to have left the child unsupervised had you still been attending university.

You may be able to get help and support from social services but of course then they are involved and what they want and what you want may not be in alignment.

You asked if you are their legal guardian now and that is a very pertinent question, the answer is no you are not legally their guardian and that is a problem because currently there is no one in the UK who can make choices on the childs behalf if such a situation should arise.

Now I don't know exactly what your situation is, I obviously have no knowledge or experience of refugees etc and I dont even have children but I would imagine that the child is enrolled in a school and there is a requirement for them to attend that school.

Also this might sound ridiculous to you but it is entirely possible to get into a situation where something happens at school e. g. they get sick or something and the child needs to be picked up from the office and they won't release the child to you because you are not the legal guardian and you are not known to the school and formally on an approved list of people who the school are allowed to hand the child over to.

If there was an accident you can't deal with the hospital etc because you are not the legal guardian.

This stuff may well apply to the 16 year old as well, although some people do leave home at 16 and live alone etc that is not the situation by the sound of it. There is a parent who is legally responsible for your sister.

The only difference that I am aware of is that the 16 year old can be left unsupervised for a period of time.

You could try contacting 'citizens advice' they may be able to help you, its a charity.

But, yeah you need to be having a conversation with your brother because this is not the Ukraine and Im fairly certain you are not allowed to behave like that here.

Your brother is the parent and is legally responsible for the child.

Obviously it depends how long this situation is going be going on for etc.

Right now it is presumably not much different to leaving your children with their grandparents while you are on holiday or something and presumably that is fine.

As I say Im not really sure where the lines are drawn here but it seems to me that there is at the very least some potential for problems here, whether those are annoying technicalities like not being able to collect a child from school or whether it could be or become something the authorities would care about Im not sure.

The government is not looking to punish people in any case, they will try to help you.

[artsy_dragon]

I'm not a refugee. I lived in the UK for 10 years now and we travled back and forth a lot. I get what you mean and I'll look into it. Thank you 💖

[SnowedIn]

Lady Artsy, you are a gem.

Although I hate the word I'm about to use, it fits. Kids are very resilient. They will do great with you. I will give you some really high level stuff that I've learned raising kids (20, 17, 14, and 11) and if you want more specifics please feel free to message me. I'm going to use the word "kid" although it applies to the 16 year old too.

• Be consistent. Kids (even teenagers) desperately crave consistency. Get the kids into a routine. When you stray from the routine help them understand why.
• Make sure they are fed.
• Make sure they get sleep.
• Help preserve their privacy.
• Give them room and space and freedom to talk. If they don't talk, that's okay. It'll happen in time.
• Love them UNCONDITIONALLY. Their behavior can be bad, they can do bad stuff -- let none of it impact your love for them and make sure they know that.
• They will screw up. Roll with it. Turn it into teaching moments rather than that mistake be a referendum on who they are.
• Allow them their identity.
• Keep them busy. Make sure everyone has chores and helps out and there's clear understanding of who does specifically what and when.
• If you have authority and responsibility, make sure that's clearly known to everyone, including the adults. This isn't about a power trip, this is about when shit hits the fan, you're the one taking the blame.
• Teenagers are MOODY. It's NOT personal. It's hormones and age and figuring life out and a whole host of other things. Remember when you were 16? Yeah. LOVE THEM ANYWAY! :) I promise you they will notice the love through the moodiness.
• Get them connected with other friends their age.
• Make them read real books and real newspapers.
• Teach them about the UK. They're going to be there for a while. Encourage them to be good citizens and contributors to society.
• Be silly with them. Laugh. Have fun.
• Many things are NOT hills to die on. Hair. Clothes. Makeup. Dating. You and the rest of the family should choose your battles wisely.
• The 16 year old is NOT a child. Don't treat her that way. All the stuff above about rules and chores and stuff? She has to obey, but that's because she's a human and member of society and member of the family. It's not about power and oppression. But she's not a child. Let her be her.
• Finally, hug them.

I hope this helps. Let me tell you something from very personal experience that I've lived: you can fail at everything else in life, but if you invest in the life of a child, you have a success that no one can ever take from you.

[artsy_dragon]

Awww tysm much for that! I will do that and I hope they are back soon 💖

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[Aerissa_Jade]

Your sister should be pretty easy to handle, 16 is easy unless she is a hellion.

The 7 year old, just need to make sure she gets to school each day, gets her homework done, is fed and other basic stuff. Give her attention, play with her, have fun. Games, consoles, watch movies, go to parks. If she has friends nearby, they may want to hang out together.

You may need to find a sitter to watch, or find a daycare center, if you go to work.

Stay away from Ukraine

The Wagner group has been told from the beginning, win these fights, the men get their pick of women to rape as spoils. Unless you want to be involuntarily entertaining dozens or even hundreds of men with your body.

[artsy_dragon]

I'll take the advice about my neice. I know wahg they are doing currently and it is awful. I've been raped before so I don't care anymore. But thank you again 💜

[Agape93]

First off, avoid Ukraine until this is long over. Especially considering you're a young woman. They don't care if you're a civilian or foreign, if you're not one of them and you have a vagina, you're fair game for fates worse than death.

But secondly, I have no idea how to handle kids. But I suggest keeping the kid distracted. Movies and games mostly. But be sure to do it with her, so she doesn't feel alone and act out.

@PrettyPriya is great with kids and can give better advice. I hope you're family is ok

[artsy_dragon]

Okay tysm! 💖

[Agape93]

Anytime love. You better dm me if you start feeling overwhelmed

[artsy_dragon]

Haha will do and thank you again?

[artsy_dragon]

! 💜💜💜

[Agape93]

Anytime lovely 💜💜💜 I'll hold you to it

[artsy_dragon]

Don't I'm awful at remembering 😭😂

[Agape93]

Then I'll have to check on you lol

[artsy_dragon]

Okay haha

[Anonymous]

Offer to pay the 18 yr old to baby sit the younger child.

[artsy_dragon]

I don't have money to do that