I’m the legal guardian of my two younger siblings and I need some advice from parents. Please help?

[ItsChloe1999]

So I’m 24 years old and 3 years ago both my mom and dad died in a car accident. As the only family member left that’s living in the US, the courts made me legal guardian to my two younger sisters aged 13 and 16. I haven’t had a problem looking after them on the day to day but I now find myself in a unique situation with them and I could do with some advice from people who are parents.

Chelsea, the 16 year old, came up to me yesterday and informed me that Charlotte, the 13 year old, has been stealing and wearing her thong underwear.

Chelsea has only been wearing thongs for a year and Charlotte hasn’t approached me about wanting to wear thongs at all.

I get it, I was exactly the same at her age, I was wanting to wear thongs because I wanted to feel grown up and sexy but was petrified to ask my parents for permission so I brought several pairs and wore them secretly until my mom found them in the laundry and gave me ‘the talk’.

Obviously, Charlotte can’t carry on stealing and wearing Chelsea’s thongs but at the same time, is Charlotte old enough and mature enough to understand what I’m saying if I gave her ‘the talk’ and let her have her own thongs, I don’t think so. And the last thing I want is for Charlotte to be a teen mom.

Any advice from people who are parents, especially if you have daughters would be most welcome. What would you do if you found yourself in my situation? Thanks.

Updates

7 mo

Just to clarify…

Chelsea, the 16 year old only started wearing thongs at age 15 because she started gymnastics and in gymnastics competitions you get points deducted if you have visible panty lines. Chelsea is also very mature for her age and works a part time job when she’s not at school, so I decided that she was mature enough to wear thongs responsibly and let her wear thongs as daily underwear if she so wished, which she does.

Updates

7 mo

Charlotte, the 13 year old, on the other hand is very immature and has a mental deficiency which means she doesn’t act her age according to her doctor. I worry that if I let her have her own thongs, she will not wear them responsibly and would wear them for all the wrong reasons.

[GunFhulangas]

@itschloe1999 - first off apologies for your parents & you're a good person for stepping up.

Second - there's an easy solution.

Move Chelsea's thongs to a different area, even purchase her a small box that requires a key if necessary. Any way so that Charlotte can not see & doesn't have easy access. Do it when Charlotte is at school or with friends so zero chance of her seeing.

Wait a few days - maybe a week

Then make a scene of sorts and throw out the oldest / most ill fitting of Chelsea's thongs in front of Charlotte. Don't hestitate, don't let the girl get a good look and realize that there's less thongs than what she's seen.

Try to explain the purpose to Chelsea & see if she will play along.

What you are essentially trying to do by throwing away Chelsea's old / worn thongs in front of Charlotte is give the other girl the impression that thongs are "wrong"

.

Yes it's a bit of a trick - some may think it a dumb idea - but unfortunately when children have developmental problems you have to approach things differently.

You admit that she is younger than her physical age so she won't necessarily grasp the "no's" of wearing a thong for the wrong reasons if you sat down & talked to her

[ItsChloe1999]

That’s a very creative response, I would of never of thought something like that up. I could get a combination lock for Chelsea’s closet, that could work.

If I was to do the create a scene thing then I’d have to use some of my old thongs rather than Chelsea’s because hers are still quite new but Charlotte wouldn’t be able to tell the difference I don’t think because me and Chelsea both get our thongs from Victoria’s Secret.

[GunFhulangas]

@itschloe1999 - you're welcome. My sister is a nurse who works with mental health and she always says in dealing with children who have developmental issues you gotta think outside the box. What works for a 13 year old who thinks at the level of a 13 year old isn't going to work for a 13 year old who thinks like a 6 (I mean no offense, not sure your sister's developed age) year old.

I doubt the girl will notice the difference just make sure that you make a big enough scene, maybe have Chelsea act disappointed - even if they're your thongs - so that the entire "game" is believable.

[ItsChloe1999]

No offense taken, her doctor says that Charlotte has a mental age of 9 years old.

[GunFhulangas]

@itschloe1999 - yeah so much more difficult to explain "no's" to

[Flatmanlewis]

I don’t think the underwear is that much a problem to me. I’d be far more concerned about who she thinks is seeing them. If it’s just a personal feeling she is enjoying - feeling older - then maybe it’s harmless. If, however, she feels some need to show it off or show it to somebody so they “know” what she’s wearing then maybe it’s courting trouble.


My daughter is 17 and Mom and her had to have a discussion about her choices and decision and how they can impact the rest of her life. Be direct, he honest, and be understanding. This is the low end of the “worried parents” spectrum but how you handle this will guide how future growing-up moments will go down.


Lastly, tremendous respect for you being there for them. I hope that you find plenty of time for self-care and pacing yourself. Raising kids is a massive responsibility and plenty in your position have side stepped this obligation.

[ItsChloe1999]

That’s what I’m afraid of. Charlotte isn’t very mature and is mentally younger than her actual age according to her doctor. I’m under the impression that she’ll wear them for all the wrong reasons. I’m just glad she wasn’t alive in the Y2K era. I was still a baby at the time but I vividly remember my mom and all her friends flaunting her thongs in a whaletail position all the time back then.

Whereas Chelsea only started wearing thongs because she’s a gymnast and you get points deducted from your score if you show panty lines. And Chelsea is so much more mature for her age and works a part time job when she’s not at school so that’s why I let her wear thongs on the daily.

[Anonymous]

Sorry about your parents 😔 My sister is 13 and my mom won't allow her to wear thong underwear pretty much for the same reason. My mom won't allow her to wear belly shirts like to the mall with just her friends if she's with mom or me it's okay and she wears them around the house. I think thong underwear is more for more mature people. Personally I don't like thong underwear I don't like anything riding up my ass.

[ItsChloe1999]

Did you ever ask your mom to wear them and if not at what age do you think she’d allow you to wear thongs.

[Anonymous]

It's your roof your rulers. You pay the bills. If you see the 13 year old acting line a 5 year old. Yes you are right maybe she isn't ready to wear thongs. You have every reason not to trust her. Be more hard on her. Teenagers shouldn't be wearing thongs in the first place.

[Opinion Owner]

If she don't listen grab the belt.

[love_conquers_lust]

They deduct points for panty lines? That’s kind of dumb.

If she’s mentally younger, you should probably treat her as her diagnosed age, not her biological.

I don’t have kids, I have nieces and nephews. I do remember that parenting wasn’t about being equal, it was about being fair. That’s a hell of a burden you are taking on. Good thing they’re both at least semi-independent.

I’d vote no. You’re the adult, it doesn’t matter what you did as a kid. You’re the legal guardian and set rules as you see fit. You can’t be held guilty about past mistakes or what leniencies you were allowed, else you aren’t allowed to learn from them. Like a grudge.

[ItsChloe1999]

Oh trust me when I say that I’m treating Charlotte as though she’s her diagnosed age that’s why I’m against her wearing thongs. But as other people have pointed out to me, the more I say no, the more she will rebel. And I still feel slightly guilty for allowing the older mature one to wear thongs when I don’t want the younger immature one to wear thongs.

[love_conquers_lust]

I think I disagree with other people here. I get the teen rebellion bull shit, but you got a household to run. I’ve had to look after both my niece and nephew, and what I learned was they needed consistency, a routine. Granted one is early childhood and the other is just starting to enter adolescence, she is a Sp. Ed. student. She needs stability. Or else she gets off track and falls behind on schoolwork. It takes her extra time to read and complete stuff. The situation is complicated because her father, my sister’s ex-husband, is a bit of a slob. His family is blended and her step sisters are a couple of bitches, so is the mother. He’s a bit of a pussy and doesn’t really run his own household. So when she spends extended time with them, it rubs off and she is just abrasive to be around. But a few weeks with my sister, and that behavior is all corrected. She becomes pleasant again.

Anyway, I wouldn’t feel guilty about anything. You don’t have to, you’re the guardian. You can take those thongs from the older sibling if you want. You’re allowed to change your mind and I don’t see a problem with it. She’d get mad, but she’d get over it. She can do whatever when she is emancipated. But that’s me.

I’ve babysat kids before and punished them. I took away dessert from this kid who wouldn’t stop throwing sand down my or his sister’s pants. He cried for a good hour screaming bloody murder. What was funny was he opened his window and was screaming out the screen. I told his sister we’re just going to sit downstairs and watch a movie. He comes out after throwing his fit and apologized, then asked for dessert. I still said no, and he accepted that. That kid was a little terror to other kids in our neighborhood but that was the most well behaved I’d ever seen him. His parents were the reason for it, they spoiled his ass. Needless to say, they never let me babysit him again.

[Sparkie460]

First, I'm really sorry about you losing your parents at a young age. I know what it's like to lose parents.
Second. I have to give you a lot credit for stepping up and raising your sisters.
I have a feeling Charlotte feels left out since she's the only one not wearing thongs. How is she when she wears her sisters thongs? Does she make a big deal about it when she has them on?

[ItsChloe1999]

She does and for all the wrong reasons.

[exitseven]

You really should be commended for stepping up like you did. I am sure your parents would be proud of you. Raising kids is tough and doing it alone is even harder.
Maybe when she was 18 I would let her wear them.

[ItsChloe1999]

Like I said above, I was her age when I started wearing thongs but the problem with Charlotte is she’s very immature and is mentally younger than her actual age according to her doctor. I’m worried that she’ll wear thongs for all the wrong reasons, so that’s why I’m apprehensive to let her wear thongs. But I let her older sister wear thongs on the daily because she’s very mature for her age and holds a part time job when she’s not at school, so I’ve sort of dug myself into a hole.

Thanks for your kind words. In one way, I’m glad that they’re the age they are because I don’t think I could cope if they were in their temper tantrum phase like they were when they were younger.

[exitseven]

She is too young to be wearing a thong. Making kids grow up too fast does them no favors

[ItsChloe1999]

I totally agree with you when it comes to Charlotte, however with Chelsea being really mature for her age and acting responsibly I do think that Chelsea has a right to decide whether she wants to wear thongs.

[exitseven]

@itschloe1999 I am glad that all my kids are grown. I could not go through this again. 😊😊😊

[Anonymous]

Could you stop trolling please. If this is a legitimate question. Then you need to have firm discipline. But I assume you’re a troll. You’re a brand new account asking something like this

[ItsChloe1999]

Firstly I’m not a troll, this a serious question, and because this is the only question I’ve asked doesn’t mean it’s a brand new account.

[Opinion Owner]

Then I don’t know. Maybe you need to sit them down and talk to them lol.

[Iron_Man]

I’m very sorry to hear this. People can see that you’re wearing that none of those girls should be wearing. Thongs its a clear-cut decision they’re under aged.

[ItsChloe1999]

The only reason Chelsea, the 16 year old wears thongs is because she’s a gymnast and in gymnastics competitions you get points deducted if you’re showing panty lines.

[Iron_Man]

Weird rule. But That’s for the competition but you don’t have to wear it to school.

[ItsChloe1999]

Even though she’s only 16, Chealsea is very mature for her age and holds down a part time job when she’s not at school so that’s why I let her wear thongs as daily underwear. Charlotte however is not like Chelsea and is rather immature, that’s why I’m apprehensive to let her wear thongs.

[Iron_Man]

I don’t feel the both of them should wear it, the guys can see when they bend over or stretch that they’re wearing a thong that’s a lingerie

[Anonymous]

I can't see any real issue with her wearing thong underwear. I started wearing them when I was 8.

[ItsChloe1999]

Yes but I don’t think Charlotte is mature enough and I think she’ll wear thongs for all the wrong reasons.

[JohnK123]

Did the issue get resolved? How old r u? Did u end up letting them both wear thongs?

[ItsChloe1999]

I’m 24. And no Chelsea is still allowed but Charlotte is not

[JohnK123]

How old are they again

[Sabretooth]

All I can say is that men pray on that false sense of maturity. It's bullshit and it is a flawless way to get into their pants.

[balyai]

You are a good sister and wild girl at the same time. That's rare

[Avicenna]

I think she's old enough

[Luckycharms12]

Think she trying to copy her older sister

[Bigjake1995]

They can wear thongs