Should I be bothered that I don’t have children or that I'm not married at this moment?

[Justneedtokno]

Growing up I’ve always wanted to have children. It wasn’t until now that I also want to be married.

I never wanted to be a baby mama. I also didn’t want to get in a horrible relationship. I never wanted to get hurt. Now I’m 28.

[Rosexøxø]

Regardless of clear objective, or even if unclear.

Gotta meet more people.

Apply yourself to LIFE.

Nationwide/ Statewide/ Cross-Country/ Globally.

Not to be desperate. Just meet more people. In things you like, and enjoy.

Be casual with it, in the sense you’re not hastily rushing through people, or so.

Just meet more people. Have more people to consider for yourself. Don’t try to have OTHER people consider YoU.

You, yourself, consider more people. Just see what they’re like. Every now and then, see if they’re date-worthy/ have marriage ideals/ (possibly) seem compatible.

Usually most people who operate and live in the hobbies we have, are already compatible with us- more so, than just anyone randomly picked out of thin air.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Ask yourself why you want marriage and kids. 🤷‍♀️

You shouldn’t, and I shouldn’t, and no one should ever feel they will be (finally) “happy” or “satisfied” by the simple addition of another type of person/human. Our happiness can’t be solely dependent on other people. We have to find contentment with life and hobbies, and such.

It’s not impossible to start a family. 👐

Just ensure a means to support them financially and emotionally is established, and just the act of meeting more people, will mathematically raise those chances, and should also be an all-around, fun experience.

Best to you sis! ☺️

[Justneedtokno]

Thank you this is definitely the most helpful opinion worthy. I think this is been a long journey. And has been upstairs been down still learning about self making sure that I’m doing the right research so I won’t just sink into another person. But I know I definitely want those things in my life, putting myself out there’s another story.

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah, ofc and for sure for sure, I’m not saying sell yourself or be in a place of constant attention/ spotlight or something that seems “risky.”

Just like introduce or small talk more people 😂

A larger social circle, frequent/ infrequent, will help you to consider more people that are definitely (out (and about)) there! Just literally all over the planet and countries, and such.

If you stay talking to a core group of friends and people in your town, over the years, that’s not helping you find a suitor. That’s just putting yourself in a position, where you’d have to either make it work with those people and possibly be the one to initiate it, (something more serious) or just give up the idea/ possibility altogether.

If it’s something you really want, and you haven’t met exciting/ cool/ compatible/ relatable people, than you have to expand the horizons.

It’s a lot easier for people to date in college, as compared to high school, just because the spectrum runs longer and broader in Universities, than in local high schools.

A lot more transfer/ varying people of different backgrounds, and some with different backgrounds but some similarities/ similar interests/points of common ground.

[Rosexøxø]

Just because we went to high school with some people in a community, doesn’t mean they don’t have their eyes on a another place in the world. Where they’re at or born is not where they’re going. Or where they want to go. It’s just not always the case. Everyone could be moving to totally different places. Not just places, but importantly, adopting different lifestyles. University is like a meeting place and neutral ground. A “watering hole” equivalency to animals in nature. It’s a rest stop. Gives people the chance to meet others and identify who they are, plan to be, and where they’re going. After university, or for those who don’t attend, it’s crucial to initiate, be open to doing that by BEING at the places we find interesting and the places in the world that interest us.

So first

BE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. A place and places of activities you enjoy,

And THEN

consider the people there.

It’s not a bad start 🤷‍♀️

And thanks sis! I’m rooting for you! 💪😁

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah. Going at a pace that is fitting for you is a lot of the main work, once you got the timing down and being in the same page with yourself, the rest is just easy as pie (or how we that goes 🤔😂👐).

[XHopelessRomanticX]

My friend, I am the same age as you, and I also have a strong desire to be a wife and mama. It just isn’t our time yet, and that is nothing to be worried about. People get married and have families at different stages in life; some at 18, some in their 20s and 30s, some in their 40s and beyond. I truly believe that at the right moment, God will satisfy the longing of your heart. 💝

[Anonymous]

Yes I think you should be a little concerned. I don’t think you should let it consume you completely though. But there’s a lot to consider. If you aren’t w someone how long before you do meet someone? Let’s say you meet someone at the end of this year, you’d be almost 29 or even 29 by than depending on your birthday. Hopefully the first person you meet is the one cause a majority of the time that never usually happens. Then you date, maybe 1-2 years, taking you to about 31, then maybe marriage by the 3rd year taking you to about 32-33. I suppose you’d want to enjoy just being married for a year or so before jumping right into having kids, now you’re about 34-35. I’m not saying it’s not possible, your health risk just go up. You’re children will graduate high when you’re about 50. Then maybe grandkids? I’m not trying to dissuade you. Just putting some things into perspective to really think about.

[Paulalove98]

She can have a healthy child till she’s 35 still accordingly but after the age of 35 there’s just more risks involved, my mom had me when she was 39 which people would say it’s old of course but she ended up meeting my dad later in life after her first relationship with her ex (my half sisters dad) didn’t work out but I still was a healthy baby, no birth defects or nothing and here I am 24 years later:) I mean the asker shouldn’t lose hope but as women of course we wanna have and birth children before there is more risks and we get too old. For me it’s 27-30 or 31 at the oldest when I want a child.

[Justneedtokno]

Well, OK thank you I’m not really concerned about having a child later in life. My mother had me at 39. I would like to have my shit together before I get to that age because it would be nice to be here long-term and see grandkids.

[Paulalove98]

Then you’ll be fine:) my mom is 63 and she’s still very healthy. As long as you stay active and eat the right foods, maintain doctor appointments don’t worry then☺️my friends mom is actually like 66 I think she’s 25, she had her in early 40s

[Lionman95]

I´d no because you can still be a great mom. It´s not like because you´re not yet married nor pregnant that won´t happen in the future. Also think about all the experiences of dating that you had the last 5 years or so. If you had been pregnant earlier you might not have had some of them.

So take the experiences you had because they can help you in the future.

[Paulalove98]

I know how you feel even tho I’m younger than you by like 4 years since I’m 24 but I get what it’s like not being where you thought you would by a certain age, I thought I would’ve met someone by now but didn’t happen and I want a child too in my late 20s or at 30 like 27-30 but I say just breathe, don’t give up yet and biologically they say women can still have healthy babies till the age of 35 then after it’s a geriatric pregnancy with risks but of course as women we feel anxious and pressured to have children way before then anyways. I wish you the best.

[VIVANT]

No. As you say it was not until now that you wanted to be married. You never wanted to be a baby mama so there was no reason to think if pregnancy until the point you’re at now where you want to marry. And of course you have to meet someone you want etc etc do it will take tine but up to now having a baby would’ve been wrong for you.

[SnowedIn]

Bothered? No. There's nothing wrong with wanting either of those things (or not wanting them). And good on you for being self-aware.

But I'd try to not be bothered (easy for me to say, I know) -- your reality is what it is right now. You can work to change it but you don't control all the variables and when you don't control the variables it's better to not get bothered about it.

[Pudsmucker]

It is good that you want a child and it is good that you want to be married. The best thing to do is to find and marry your best friend. Then you can be married to him for a long time like my best friend and I have been married almost 45 years. If you marry your best friend you will have your disagreements but you both quickly make amends. And you'll have a good relationship along with your children that you desire.

[SexyRedd1966]

You're only 28 you're young people are waiting to have children now anyway... you still have plenty of time to find a partner

[Sixgunsound]

It's so much easier for you and better for the kids to have both parents. Why do you think the system works so hard to stomp out the traditional nuclear family?

[Justneedtokno]

From my point of view everyone wants the traditional family but situations don’t always work out that way. Also the only idea that’s being pushed is the families come in different shapes and sizes and my look different. Taking on other cultural ideas

[Sixgunsound]

As a two parent species, reproduction works the same for all of us. Social trends may try to resist, but civilizations that survive have learned to overcome anti-human family conditioning.

[Justneedtokno]

Nobody is anti-family. Everybody wants to belong to someone and with some person. We all understand the biological sense of the need but you cannot tell me that the person that I’ve known for over 18 years is not a part of my family so I guess you’re also anti- adoption

[Justneedtokno]

Let me backtrack the nuclear family has changed over time. Yes, you gotta consider all the situation‘s in gray areas such as the death of one of the parental figures like me or the mental challenges and struggles of one. They had to leave and some people just shouldn’t have children at all and they’re not fit to be a parent, so there’s adoption family dynamics can change to gendered household’s are real that’s just a fact, but if you look around the world and other cultures, there’s an all woman tribe, and the males are the housewives. They take care of the children and the women go out and hunt and do whatever they need to answer them even take multiple husbands.

[Sixgunsound]

I was talking about parents, what does that have to do with adoption?

[boggboss]

So whatvare u asking u made choices u are living with if u want something different go for it

[coachTanthony]

society might say yes but only you can answer this honestly.

[Jamie05rhs]

Nah. A lot of people in our generation are in the same boat. I wouldn't really stress too much about it. If it happens, it happens. If not, whatev...

[Gent207-2]

As you work on becoming Mrs. Right you'll find Mr. Right heading in the same direction of growth and improvement

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No. Life isn't a straight a line. Life never goes exactly according to plan.

Perhaps you are meant to get married at 32 and 2 kids only.

[HighValue]

You still have time at your age so I'd suggest making finding the right partner your priority over the next two years.

[Philyouup]

life means you take
chances. you don’t take them you don’t live.

[krin_m]

You are still young if you decide to follow that path but overall you should not be bothered by it.

[TenderFantasy]

Try being 38 and that way. It's not so bad.

[BJP21]

Your fine, I've been looking into wanting a family at my age, but can't seem to find any girl in my area anyway that serious and mature enough to go down that path.

[Nominal]

I have no child and I would never have a child.

[Grond21]

You are feeling your biological clock?

[Justneedtokno]

No, because my mother had me later in life as well and she chose to have me versus it just happened

[Grond21]

I mean your child bearing years are decreasing and so you can feel it

[msc545]

Thank Feminism for this.

[Justneedtokno]

In what way?

[Agape93]

Don't sweat it babe

[Iron_Man]

Just keep working at it

[Alex8736]

you gotta take chances

[Anonymous]

No. It's probably for the best.

[eagle1951]

your 28 and what