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If you’ve been to more than one funeral in your life, you’ve almost certainly heard lies told about the deceased out of “respect”. If there is a god, may not one person speak dishonestly at my funeral. I’d rather nobody attend! But people will most likely attend and some of them will say kind words that i don’t necessarily deserve. What lies will people tell at your funeral, out of respect for the dead?
What kinds of lies will people tell at your funeral?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
What makes you think they're lies just because they've had a different experience with the dead person than you? We all have different images of people in our heads based on our experiences with them. If someone died after yelling at us in public, yeah we wouldn't care for them very much, but people are more nuanced and complicated than just being boiled down to "This was not my experience with them when they were alive." The biggest asshole you've ever met could have been the most loving parent, or the most generous volunteer at an animal shelter. Likewise, the greatest person you've ever known could have been super abusive behind closed doors.
Well, let’s start with the fact that we are social creatures. So you’ve never had an exclusive experience with another human being. Even if it was just the two of you at the time, they almost certainly told someone and so did you. Otherwise, everything you’ve ever done has had witnesses and almost certainly tattles. Literally every funeral i’ve ever attended someone stood up and said some nonsense that was entirely contrary to something they had said to me previously. Look at the other answers here. We all know what is actually happening.
I dig your desire to play devil’s advocate, but your suggestions are too far afield. You’re commenting on a question by someone who argues that there is no such thing as “evil”. Ell oh ell!
Here’s the thing we do for some inexplicable reason, we assign undue respect to the dead. You don’t earn respect in death; you earn it in life. If you don’t want to be disrespected in death, don’t live a disrespectable life. Otherwise, i shouldn’t be compelled by societal norms to pussyfoot around the fact that you were a raging asshole more often than not. Ell oh ell! However, we are because we do.
And my willingness and ability to recognize it and call it out is what makes me an asshole that some people will refuse to acknowledge on my commemoration day.
The fear of speaking bad from the dead comes from an old superstition that one will be haunted by the ghost of the dead. I agree if someone was a shitty person you can call them shitty for existing, but I also think you're looking at this from too negative a perspective to assume that everyone who is shitty to you and your social group is shitty constantly all the time and undeserving of the love of the people who did love them despite that. I think it's unnecessarily cruel to just tell them that their good memories of that person, real or not, shouldn't be called upon as a reason to say they had some positive impact in that person's life.
First of all, there’s nothing “negative” about my perspective. It’s completely pragmatic. If more people commented the same as you, i’d be forced to reevaluate, but that’s not what’s happening.
Also, i’m not challenging people’s positive memories in the slightest. I’m challenging lies that we tell ourselves and others to meet societal expectations. My point about “evil” is that nobody is all good anymore than they are all bad. It’s an entirely unrealistic world view. Your point about superstition reinforces my point more than yours. There is no good reason to deny the truth of a person, least of all when the purpose is to commemorate their entire life.
Two brothers very wicked and rich 🤑. Donors to church, one died, and their Pastor was asked to do funeral.
Living brother met with Pastor, 5 figured check …say my brother is a saint and it’s yours. Check taken as Pastor agreed and cleared bank before funeral.
At Funeral: ”This guy was an ungodly sinner but a Saint compared to his brother.” 🙃
Hahahaha!
I will definitely retell that joke!
👍👍
I don’t believe “he was a wonderful son and brother” could possibly be a lie.
Do you not feel like a success?
You are kind, good sir. I don't think I was the best son or brother. It was a bit cyclical, too, so all the blame isn't mine but looking in the mirror I could have been a way better son and a way better brother.
As for success, that one ebbs and flows like the tides. If I died today, I would have a clear conscience that I was successful in that I loved my wife and provided a good home life for her and made her happy and that my children are strong of character and respectful of their mom, and kind to others and treat their partners well and that I acquitted myself well at work, etc. But there are the days when I look at what I think American society's measures of success are and I would conclude that I'm not successful. And so if I juxtapose that on what's said at a funeral, it could be a lie or the truth.
I understand.