Do you believe that being a stay at home mom is a "luxury" and not a real jobb?

Question

I often hear people say that it is a "privilege" or "luxury" to be able to afford being a stay at home mom but is it really? Like most of the time it would cost more sending kids to daycare vs staying at home to watch them.

It seems to me like this is just another way people shame moms by calling it a luxury to make it seem like what they are doing isn't a real job

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

Selected "It's a real job.", but it's a little more nuanced than that. It is also a luxury, because you must be in a privileged place of being able financially to afford not going to work at a paying job. It also depends on the person. For me, being a stay at home parent would absolutely be a luxury. I would love to be at home or out in my community with my little one (s), teaching them, cleaning and organizing and improving our home and our lives. Being with family is a joy, as opposed to work, which is... laborious.

But in terms of workload, yes, being an at-home parent and housekeeper/chef/maintenance/&c., is really actual work. It takes time and effort to prepare food, clean up messes, do laundry, clean and organize a house, go shopping, &c. I happen to enjoy many of those things. I used to cook professionally, and enjoy cooking. I like to organize and having things clean makes me happy. I enjoy caring for others and doing things like bathing a baby or cleaning up their dirty diaper, or playing a game with them, reading to them, teaching them things, these are all on the pleasant side of the spectrum for me. Yes, even dirty diapers. They are rarely of a truly disastrous nature, and even then, the whole kit and caboodle can be cleaned up in and back to fresh and clean in less than 15 minutes.

But for some people, these types of tasks are burdensome, tiring, boring, or otherwise unpleasant. For them, being a stay at home parent is/would be a nightmare. So it also depends on the person and what they enjoy.

BoobMan · Accepted Answer

I think you're misunderstanding what most people mean when they say it's a luxury to have the mom stay at home with the kids. You are correct, that it generally costs more to send them out to daycare (which is developmentally probably not as good for them as time with their mom), but in those cases (sending the kids to daycare) then the mom typically works a paying job as well that generates more money than the daycare costs. So after all income and all expenses the household has more money under the 2-parents-working (in the labor market) set up.

IF that's the case (which can be a BIG if depending on how expensive childcare is in your area, and what your income would be if you worked) then the decision to have the 2nd earner forgo her salary and instead take care of the kids herself would be a decision that reduces household income after childcare expenses. In that sense, it would be a "luxury" to forego that income. You'd only do it if the household didn't "need" that income, so the primary earner needs to generate enough income for the household to be able to "afford" foregoing the second income.

So it's not meant to be any statement as to raising the kids not being a real job. Quite the opposite.

pupluv45 · Accepted Answer

Stay home mom / housewife is no longer a job that it used to be.

100 years ago, laundry was an all day job. Women woke up before sunrise to fetch gallons water from the well to heat it up on the stove to do laundry. Then they would spend the next 4 hours scrubbing each individual garment. They even dried clothes completely by hand. All of this took 10-12 hours a day to accomplish.

Nowadays, the washing machine does all the work for you.

100 years ago, women made their own bread and butter. They rocked the butter back and forth by hand. They kneaded their own bread by hand. This activity alone took HOURS to make.

What do you do? you take a simple drive to the store to buy a tub of premade butter and already made bread.

You have vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, diapers. 100 years ago, women washed baby pooped underwear BY HAND!!! Nowadays what do you do? you throw them away and just buy a new one.

This is why I don't see housewiving / stay home moms as a true job. It might be a handful when the kids are young. But once the kids are over the age of 7, its definitely not a hard job anymore.

Plus, being able to work for your children instead of a boss is already a luxury and a blessing in itself.

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

NO bc I’m not a f’ing moron and bc that was basically my job with my guardian from age 9 to 14 ( it only stopped bc I ran away tho that wasn’t the reason the reason was she was psycho and unintentionally dangerous) except I was a ward, not a mom. It’s hard work and people who claim otherwise are full of 💩 and can suck it.

Appple I have so much respect for you as a person, a mom, & worker. in my opinion you’re an absolute warrior & I wish you the absolute best. I’m truly sorry people suck. It’s stupidity and arrogance.

💚💚💚 💪🏼

Sixgunsound · Answer

It is absolutely a real job. It is actually the most important job in the world. Getting to spend time with and raise your kids right as well as running the family as efficiently as possible is far more important than being a soulless corporate drone who hates themselves and their miserable existence. Imagine not having a commute, or a boss, or asshole coworkers? Imagine a job where the work you do matters and that you get to profit from the results instead of some corporate fat cat in a different state or country? If your family means more to you than the opinions of people who hate you or climbing the corporate ladder for someone else's profit, being a stay at home mom is a great and rewarding and fulfilling real job. I wish more people would do that job, we would probably have a nicer, happier, more socially competent society if more people were stay at home parents. The corporate system would lose a lot of workers and have to raise wages, gasp! Anything that screws the system is a win for us little people.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

Not only is it a “REAL job” it is one of the most important jobs there is! The likelihood of future success for a child who is raised by her/his own parent vs a day care worker, is astounding. Second, a child who is under constant supervision is less likely to be abused, as abusers know to look for unsupervised kids. Parents taking care of their children give them one on one early education and can teach them the alphabet by early 3yrs of age, and basic or even advanced (for age) reading skills by four, as well as math. This head start can leapfrog a child ahead of their peers in school. Also the bond between parent and child can become so strong that as the child grows they are more comfortable taking to and confiding in their mom/dad. So when the child faces difficult, otherwise embarrassing situations they are more likely to tell their parent about what’s going on, than their peers who were raised by strangers in a day-care.

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

I think it is a real job, one that most men can not afford , and that is the reason moms need to be cherished and not cheated on. We could never afford to pay someone to do everything that a stay at home mom does. And far beyond that is the emotional and psychological support that children don't get from childcare or the street. I am saying this because my wife and I both worked and we are the guilty ones. My wife wishes many times that she had stayed home with our son and daughter. But half of my weekends were on-call and I was anchored to the house. In 40 years there are 52 weekends time 2 days. That is 4160 day that I sold cheap. Children rarely want to stay home but I was obligated to do just that. Raise your kids!

UmbrusNightshade · Answer

I’m semi-old fashioned and personally prefer if my future wife would stay at home with the kids (if financially possible). Not because I want a servant, like some men back in the past, but because I would feel a lot more comfortable with her looking after and rearing them while I’m at work in the years before they start school than having strangers do it. I personally think it’s more healthy for a mom and the kids in way.

Of course, I want to be there to help when not at work. I grew up where my dad didn’t do a lot and I want my kids to know that their father not only loves them but their mom as well.

20yearsolder · Answer

I think it's both. It's a luxury that you can afford to actually stay at home with your children. Much better situation than sending them all to daycare. And there's no doubt it's a full-time fucking job. My hats off to any stay-at-home mother

libsaretards · Answer

My opinion does not fit either poll option. I say it is BOTH a privilege and a real job.

Why it is a real job: Maintaining a home is just as important as earning an income. No point in coming to a home that is falling apart or so nasty that you feel depressed coming home. It takes a lot to maintain a peaceful home. Also, kids often have needs that do not fit nicely around a work schedule. Having one spouse stay at home is a huge benefit to helping ensure these needs get met. Same with certain tasks.

Why it is a privilege: Bills and inflation are so damn high that it is damn near impossible to support a family on one income alone. Even if it is possible, what happens if the ONLY person earning income gets hurt/sick and loses work? It is AMAZING if one person can stay at home fulltime and hold down the home front, but there is no point if that home is going to be foreclosed/evicted.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

I was a stay at home mom and I did not like the way other stay at home moms raise their kids (lost of what a mom is supposed to be).
So I stop hanging out with them.
nowadays…stay at home or not…moms are doing terrible job raising kids

to answer…it’s a luxury because they are not doing what they are suppose to do.
very few still hold true to what a mom is suppose to be.
DISCIPLINE KIDS!! Teach them, engage with them…etc!

Mr1derful · Answer

Omg it’s totally a real job! Are you kidding! It’s very difficult, challenging and like you said a job to care for the house and kids! I can relate to that! I do all that on the side and I always thought even if I had a full day dedicated to all that, I’d still never get everything done! You gotta manage appts, kids and schedules, shopping, managing money, house cleaning, cooking, etc. The only luxury in it I could even see would be that you can stay home, manage your own schedule and not have to work for the man at a typical 9-5 meaningless job and have flexibility?

Anonymous · Answer

Both unfortunately for a lot of people in the U. S. dollar related economy post running out of gold in 1971.

A baby needs his/her mother for the first few years of life to teach it everything from how to bond, think, walk, talk, socialize, and love.

A lot of our modern problems with both men and women can be attributed to the fact that a very large share of us born after 1971 didn't have that.
So we are NOT bonding, thinking, socializing, or even loving each other as we should have. Too many of us are acting like the little machines we were raised as in our collective daycare systems.

Bella71205 · Answer

It's both, to be able to stay home and raise your family is a privilege in today's society. Woman are expected to work and society and costs have made it hard for women not to work. For a women to choose to stay home is work for them cooking, cleaning, etc. But you have to think of how women are expected to do this on top of their job depending on who their married to. I think in today's society it's important that women go back to their homes and families. Children need to be homeschooled and learn information and facts before they learn to become in the words of Pink Floyd "another brick in the wall".

crossdressingrihno · Answer

It’s both really.
On one hand I’m sure that when the kids are there it can be rather difficult but otherwise it’s mostly just house work and getting prepared for the gremlins to come home.
I’m not saying it would be easy but rather it just sounds like MOST of that time would either be spent doing nothing or just doing household chores at a really slow pace.

The 2 big things that make it privilege is that #1 you can spend more time with your kids and #2 your day is spent at home. You might have extra household chores but unless it a really small child the kid is probably spending most of its time at school anyways

misogynistic_pig · Answer

Being a housewife is not a job, in fact women wanted to be housewives throughout history because they did not want to do the brute force jobs that men did, after the industrial revolution, when jobs became more easy, women did not want to continue having children and chose to work, but they chose easy office jobs, never brute force jobs, today, as women no longer have many children, women hope to get a beta provider man with a lot of money who will maintain and thus be housewives and live without working.

Mangospacho · Answer

Yeah, people assume that being a stay at home mom means you can afford to stay home but don’t realize how much stay at home moms sacrifice financially. It’s also a job you can never leave and rarely get real breaks from. It’s not to say that working moms are lazy or don’t work hard but stay at home moms don’t have it easy either.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

I think it's both and there's nothing wrong with it.

Kids require care, at least when they're younger and if they've got a parent who's around for the most part, then assuming the parent knows how to raise them, it's not an issue.

The reason why I think it can be a luxury, is because not all family can afford to live off of one person's income, which I think is often times the case with say at home moms and I think this may have something to do with the economy apparently changing to the point where it's harder to achieve that, like it apparently was back in the day or the 1950s.

xoxosilentgirl · Answer

Depends who is your husband. Its a luxury when husband can afford and cover anything, literally anything including wife’s personal expenses and travel. I won’t consider it a bless to be a house wife when you live in tight budget though. Working at home is super tiring. Clean the house and do the laundry not as easy as it seems. Let alone rising your child without any help. Also its difficult to wisely spend the money with tight budget, and most of the time its the wife works.

Paulalove98 · Answer

Raising a life is a huge deal and being a mom is super rewarding , I don’t know if I personally would ever be a stay at home with my future kids because I like going out and working but I suppose time will tell, nowadays you can find work from home jobs however if you are able to multitask with the little ones and make an income.

BrickBiggems · Answer

A stay at home mom has the most important and respectable job in the world. They are raising the next generation to be upstanding and productive members of society. That and they are acting as home maker and keeping the roof above the heads of the whole family. I have nothing but respect for stay at home moms!

mstbooblover · Answer

Only ignorant idiots would say that a mom, thus a mother taking care of her household and children, lives a luxury life. Keeping a household is a full time job. The time has come for people, whatever gender, to pay respect for the work a staying home mom does.

UniquelyBasic · Answer

Well its definitely hard work especially seeing my cousins kids who are always running around and acting wild😅 I dont think it has to be one or the other and you have to make sure your partner can afford to have the woman at home taking care of the kids. Some will need 2 incomes just to pay bills which wouldn't allow the woman to be a full time stay at home mother. Just because it may cost more to send them to day care doesn't mean the alternative isn't a privilege/luxury.

TCredo · Answer

My wife was a stay at home mom for many years and there is absolutely no question or doubt... it is a real job! Spending a day with a baby and then 2 under 3 years old and then 3 under 5 etc... she loved it but it was work. When they got older and she went back to "work", she felt like it was a vacation lol :)

Anonymous · Answer

Both, it's a luxury since not all moms can do that these days, I really hope I'll be able to when I have my kids some day. And it's a difficult job that never really ends, helping kids grow and teaching them everything is a very hard thing to do, raising a new person who doesn't know a thing about this world is a job that takes years, in my opinion the rest of your life since you'll always be ahead.

Anonymous · Answer

If the kids are really young it’s okay. My coworkers wife is a stay at home mom with a total of three kids. Two are young, but he said once they are in school she will be a teachers aid. I just can’t put my head around the women that can be a stay at home mom when there is no kids at home anymore. Plus another person I know his daughter was pregnant with their second and she wanted to be a stay at home mom. I know a teacher that was as well and then went back to teaching after her kids were out of the house, like school.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

In high school I told my Spanish teacher, "Mi mamá no trabaja, se queda en casa." Oh man did she give me an earful! She said just because it's not a "job job" doesn't mean she doesn't work. Oh man did I get an earful. But I still think it's much better than working a 9 to 5.

Anonymous · Answer

Why do you ask this question then take it upon yourself to correct and admonish anyone who disagrees with you.

Because you’re not interested in asking a question, but standing on a soapbox because of your own personal experiences.

Kinda lame. And no, being a stay at home mom is not a job.

“Oh darn! I don’t have to go into the office and be a wage slave for some callous boss and I get to spend time with my kids and teach them things. Oh the humanity! If only I got to work in a cubicle and have a thirty minute lunch break!”

🙄

Anonymous · Answer

I have to be, I got a nasty surprise at Christmas when my oldest dad sent a Christmas card with a letter asking to remove from the birth certificate because it was affecting him getting a girlfriend

dolemite89 · Answer

i don’t consider it a glamorous thing it’s definitely work but it is not as hard as a real job. i know lots of moronic women that can take care of a couple kids but wouldn’t last a week at a job that required tons of heavy labor or critical thinking. The luxury of it is as a woman actually having the choice to not have to work and be able to stay at home. I just roll my eyes at the feminists that think women have been so oppressed staying home and take caring of the family/home while men were literally off killing themselves
working in construction, coal mines, oil rigs etc.🤦‍♂️

exitseven · Answer

Before we had kids we made the decision that my wife would stay at home with the kids and we would live on one income. It was a struggle at times but we did not want our kids to be raised by strangers. I have no regrets about it.

abc3643 · Answer

Didn't you ask this question anonymously earlier today?

Do you believe that being a stay at home mom is a "luxury" and not a real job?

I will give the same reply to this question that I did that question:

In this reality, it IS a privilege to be able to be in a family and stay at home and not work.

TonyV · Answer

Yeah stay at home mom would only fly until the kids go to school at age 3, only daycare I saw so far in my area wants like $307 a week for a kid, so if we only have one kid, yeah you are working, 2 kids under 3 years old I could see how work would almost not be worth it, but if she's home all day she's doing all the cleaning, cooking and laundry, I aintnhaving a coach potato that thinks she's done all she has to by "saving" 600 a week.

Fuentes · Answer

I see it as a job someone has to raise the kids and it's builds better bonds with children I feel when a parent is around the child a lot. Instead of kids that grew up like me, mom always gone so I did whatever I wanted & then had a Kid but like, I know some kids who still had both and did the same thing but like I think it slims the chances of that Abit ahahaha

nawtee_me · Answer

I said it is a real job because it is. But for the mom staying at home with the kids it can also be a privilege. Not the “she is privileged” to be able to do it, but that it is a privilege to be with your kids to import your wisdom on your kids.

menina · Answer

I'd say it's both at the same time. Taking care of children isn't easy and it's a big responsibility, so it's like a full time job. However I'd also consider it a luxury since you don't have to work to support the child.

Dinklex3 · Answer

So.. when people say it’s a luxury or privilege they aren’t demeaning the work of a stay at home mom/dad. They don’t mean that it’s not hard work they’re saying it’s basically a blessing/privilege that one partner is able to stay at home and take care of the kids. You both do not have to work full time jobs to get money/resources to care for your kids. One income is enough. I voted A.

BJP21 · Answer

Sure the laundry does itself, food magically appears on the table, the house is self cleaning. People are delusional if they think its not a "job"

DarkCarousel · Answer

I would prefer to take care of my own children during those formative years. Yes, that likely means one income for the family, if it’s a two parent household, but it could also be a great benefit of having one person go to work while the other manages a household.

SphynxUK · Answer

The luxury and privilege is the fact you get to be with your children and watch them grow and do all those ‘firsts’.
Being a stay at home mother is a stressful job. And it’s unpaid. Think about hiring a full time nanny, a cleaner and a cook. That’s how much you would pay for just some of what a mother does.

TallAnon · Answer

Yes, after the first ~2-3 years, it's really not neccessary, until then it's just a way to save money on child nursery. That said, if both parents agree; Do what you want to do.

StephiC · Answer

It's both. It's as luxury to pour that much attention into a young child. It's the equivalent to a private education to a state one. Still work but costs more

SnowedIn · Answer

What a GREAT question. It is solidly, 100% a real, full time job.

sheenagwapa · Answer

taking care of kids is hatd work. i think a lot of men would agree that they would rather be workinh than take care of children so one shouldn't be underestimating stay at home moms.

Anonymous · Answer

If you can also afford house cleaning services and regular food delivery, then the only work you actually need to do is around the kid, and in my opinion that is a luxary/privilege. I'd take that offer!

Guy13 · Answer

It is a luxury for a guy, especially, if they are getting home-schooled outside of the wretched public school system.

weysally · Answer

never a luxury, but in todays world you can earn, money with a home job, I have had one for years,

Agape93 · Answer

Neither one. If you want to do it and like it, cool, good for you. But for me, it's just oppression and a social shackle.

bolverk · Answer

It is a very real job, It is feminists that have demeaned being a stay at home mom as it doesn't fit in with their dogma, some of the strongest women I know are/were stay at home mom's.

Surely · Answer

I would say it could be a luxury to be able to stay home and raise the children. Meaning to have the finances to be able to afford to do so. But as others have said. Babysitters may totally offset the earnings of the stay at home parent. So it may work out the same in the long run.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I would say it is a job. Being a mom is hard work itself.

blueonblack22 · Answer

I completely respect mothers who are responsible and take care of their children.

Phoenix98 · Answer

It's a real job and a difficult one at that if your actually taking care of the kids and the house itself.

PainusNdeeAnus · Answer

It is for women WHY? I don't know but men have a much easier time taking care of children and the kids come out better

I think this is just a reflection of the mindset of women of this generation they are like big children themselves

they wanna do grown up things but don’t want grown up responsibilities “ Raising kids is hard” well you should’ve thought about that before having sex

Guardian45 · Answer

Motherhood is an UNPAID REAL job, and NOT every mother has the ability to do it FULL-TIME!

Some mothers are forced to get paid work to support their families with food and shelter. Some mothers are supported by a spouse with a high paying job allowing them to stay home full time. Some mothers still have to work part-time even though their spouse works, because they can't cover all the bills.

melanieeeB · Answer

Both, if you're lucky that your husband earns enough for you to stay home - that's a luxury and many can't afford that
But at the same time it's hard work to keep up everything around the house and with the kids

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I think going to work is equal to babysitting kids when it comes to how tired I feel doing it and I don't have them over night cause I'm not a mom, I sometimes babysit kids when people bring them to my house for parties.

fonduegirl · Answer

It's not a luxury. Raising kids and doing it right is extremely challenging.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I don't see why those things are mutually exclusive. Being a stay at home mom is absolutely a luxury; most people can't afford to do that. It's also a lot of work.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

It plays a role in a marriage. Especially if there are children involved

es20490446e · Answer

Actually both being a home mom while working can be way too much.

alance99 · Answer

It is one of the tuffest jobs according to me and whoever thinks its a luxury should experience it and only then comment on it

Lynx122 · Answer

I think both is true. It is a luxury if only one person has to earn money but it also takes work.

Random_g · Answer

They are putting hard work on their responsibility, if this isn't a job I don't know what it is...

Do you believe that being a stay at home mom is a "luxury" and not a real jobb?

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