Is being a housewife/stay at home mom a waste of women's talents?

[Anonymous]

Yes

No

[Investigator]

"a waste of a woman's talents" as opposed to what?

In our current capitalist system, the only metric we have to measure "talent", is whether or not it increases the numbers on a corporate revenue report corresponding to our person and if that number is higher or lower than our overhead. Talent is qualified purely by our net worth, how much money we bring in versus how much we cost to maintain, not by our contributions to society--that is, at best, a correlational inference. "Contributions to society" are hard to measure, because they only apparent in hindsight, after some longitudinal observation, while "income" is immediately quantifiable: it's either there or it isn't.

The problem with being a housewife/stay-at-home-mother is that their contributions to the local community are not immediately apparent. Corporate returns, at least on the public stock market, have to be reported in quarterly earnings. If children aren't adults until at most 18 years old, then that's potentially up to 72 quarters of no "return on investment"--both for the child, since they aren't yet at full earnings capacity, and the mother, since she's at diminished earnings capacity. If motherhood was a business, where it had to produce usable product (children) in a timely manner like any other enterprise, it would have gone bankrupt millennia ago from lack of profit, because that's not how pregnancy works. Decent, well-rounded adults are a massive commitment and investment. 18 years is basically an eternity in the corporate world, but that's precisely why motherhood is such a vital asset. Women trade some or all of their earnings potential now, in the present, for the prosperity their offspring will hopefully generate in the future.

Believing that motherhood is a drain on society, because it keeps women out of the workforce, is like cutting down a forest while not planting a new one. So, now you've got 5 months' worth of timber and no trees. Congratulations, you 100x the profits, but you killed the human race! Mission accomplished?

[Miristheiss]

Talents?

Reproduction is the main role of all female living things.

Men still do the important stuff. They build EVERYTHING. Every house, apartment, skyscraper, bridge is done by the men of society. All the farming and food is grown by the men. All of the energy harvesting is done by the men. We have electricity, gasoline, gas, wind and solar because of men. Everything is maintained by the men. If the indoor plumbing fails, if the electrical grid goes down, if the HVAC breaks, if your car breaks down... it is men handling it.

Women have always complimented men and supported men. They are primarily the nurses, the elementary school teachers... etc.

Now women, do all of these indoor office jobs and dominate HR jobs at companies. They think their office jobs and degrees are vital to the planet and society would grind to a halt and people would starve and freeze if they were on the computer inside an air conditioned office doing whatever. No, men still make the world run.

Women abhorring their role as mothers and helpers of men is just some BS lie feminism brain washed generations with. The invented the "pill" and then they twisted history to preach that biology and giving birth was centuries of oppression. God... nature didn't dictate through reality that sex makes babies and babies build the future world and babies have to be cared for. The truth... that biology dictates how society plays out, now that the pill trumps biology they have taught society oppressed women. That is why they haven't been "career" women for centuries. Oppression.

They believe that free sex, no consequences was the norm for all of history. It wasn't. Sex makes babies. Babies need families. They act as if the BC pill has been around for 5,000 years and men enslaved women into being moms.

Feminism teaches an office job is a woman's most important role. Sleeping around and being prostitutes and OF girls and drinking, partying, casual sex is empowering. Posting half naked pics is empowerment.

What a ship of fools.

[nastyb]

And what makes you think a woman can't do both have a career and raise kids? you're acting like women have to pick one of the two. No they dont. MOST MOTHERS HAVE JOBS

[whyshedoingthis]

Honestly... I'm somewhat disgusted by this. You're over here thinking, oh, men have all the important jobs, blah blah blah. Listen. Some women grew up in conditions to unstable for them to have and raise children. You might think that feminism is shit, but it doesn't mean that you can treat us like shit. Jeez. Get a good look around you.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Being a SAHM is a modern idea that developed during the Industrial revolution... when men left home to go to work instead of staying home. The move to the cities broke up the support network of extended family that had historically been involved in the upbringing of children, and the entire load fell to the mother alone. This was then romanticized into "motherhood", a modern idea that women were to be the sole influence and caretaker of children and that was their purpose in life.

After a steady diet of that, there was pushback after a couple of world wars, a shortage of men, and women experiencing getting out of the four walls and having some independence, like men. That's when feminism really got going. But there is an entire backstory to the development of it that gets ignored.

I am a firm believer in family and the importance of investing in children. But I don't believe it is solely the responsibility of the birthing mother to bear the entire burden alone. She needs a husband and extended family/community who views it as their responsibility, too. But it is far easier to blame a mother who needs a break and call her lazy, then it is for grandparents, aunts, uncles, fathers, etc. to see fatherhood, unclehood, aunthood, grandparenthood as crucial roles in developing a healthy future society. They are too busy working, after all.

To answer the question, no, it isn't a waste. But it is placing the responsibility on the shoulders of one person that should be shared by a community of loving adults. That's a system destined for failure, and we can already see it playing out on a grand scale. Just some thoughts.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Raising livestock and farming is harder work than you think, when women see their brothers, dad, or uncles actually work hard to do a thing on the farm that they can’t do they appreciate men better and vice a versa, when boys and men see their wives and sisters do things like work at home and take care of kids all through the night as well as farm task while pregnant they respect them more as well.

Today thats all gone, dead, gone

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Well some parts of the world and US are still somewhat like that

[Caroline91]

Absolutely agree. I am fortunate enough to have extended family who died see themselves as part if our family life. My husband and I also have a small group of close friends with young children and we have firmed a quasi family together and help each other in all areas.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Oncewildtwiceburned I am not completely sure where you were going with that, do you mind clarifying? I grew up on a farm...

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Caroline91 That's so awesome! Love it. Community is so important for kids and parents on so many levels.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

I grew up in cow country, cold winters hot summers, pretty much wilderness.
You should know there are tons of things a woman can’t do, or the skills or strength needed to do all the tasks are so diverse it can be like special forces out there.

Now running one on a business side is different, and hiring specialized employment has become the norm for farms and even cattle ranches now. But even those people are 99% male. Changes tractor tires, wells, irrigation, construction, etc.

What didn’t you understand

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Oncewildtwiceburned What I was saying is that the Industrial Revolution separated families and communities and isolated people, creating a need to redefine family roles. I am having a hard time connecting what you said about farm life with mothers bearing the full load of caretaking and homelife in modern traditional theory. I am not being sarcastic or negative, I am not sure if you finished what you were trying to say. I do not think we should go back to being an agrarian society with no technological advances, although I do think people would benefit from experiencing what it takes to bring food to the table.

I am not saying women are better than men or vice versa. I'm just saying that the upbringing of children was shared with multiple family members because it was essential for survival that everyone knew how to work as fast as possible. Babies were cared for by mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and older sisters. But when they were old enough to toddle, they had to start contributing. Boys went with their fathers ASAP to become another man on the job, meaning mothers were not dealing with bored and highly energetic boys on a daily basis.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

I don’t think we should go back to an agrarian life, I’m saying patriarchy wasn’t broke, its this new single mother or mother led home thats the broken system and it makes broken men and broken women. Thats really all.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Oncewildtwiceburned I follow you now. I'm thinking out loud, but if mothers are supposed to raise children as SAHM, isn't that nearly as bad as single moms or mother-led homes since women have the sole influence or primary influence over the kids with no balancing forces? Again, I am not being disrespectful, I just know many conservative SAHM who really do feel like single mothers because the guy is always gone working, and when he isn't, he's resting from the work.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Oh, okay. I’m following you more now. My sister has 6 kids, they are all home schooled, traditional ways and all. Mom has to reinforce dads authority when he’s not there, when dad comes home he lats down his authority by disciplining kids that need it, etc. The old “when your father comes home” addage.

Also, back to small towns and farm life. Where I lived you would see dads taking their kids out to work with them from a very young age quite often.

[Rosexøxø]

Some see being a MENTOR as a waste and some don’t.

Some contribute to society and make physical independent efforts

and

Some cultivate and guide the younger ones of tomorrow and those who look after us until we’re gone.

Both contribute to society. People will find their own path fulfilling and their contributions on that path.

It could be mentoring/parenting

or contributing in team efforts.

But it really is all just one big group effort. Everyone has to decide which side of the team and which position they will play. Which they will find fulfilling and worth it. 💯

It works and applies for either gender as well.

Single dads. Single moms. Male teachers. Female teachers. Stay at home dads. Stay at home moms. Coaches of either sex. And people of either gender and any career. They all decide which is right for them. Everyone finds different things worthwhile and different things a waste of time.

[Massageman]

No. God didn't want it that way either.

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:10-31

[mobiusforniner]

The obvious answer is of course, no. However, a housewife isn’t all roses for a man, either. I married a deeply religious woman who was taught being a housewife and making babies was her sole purpose in life. Therein lied the problem. My wife didn’t see herself as anything more. She had no goals, dreams or even an education past high school. These weren’t considered important and her parents discouraged them. So I scored this perfect housewife who did all the things she was supposed to do, but was inwardly unhappy and miserable. The hard part was confessing after having kids, that she never liked kids. That’s a recipe for a miserable marriage

it’s taken me over a decade and tons of financial investment to UNprogram my wife. She finished college. Started her own hobbies. Got active in her own social groups and made friends. She’s far happier now, and I am too; but by no means ever believe as a man, that a housewife is the ideal world. Because ten guesses to one, she is likely screaming inside to be something (or someone) else.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Wow. You, sir, are a real man. I have total respect for how you handled that situation.

I was raised exactly the same way as your wife, and I hated it. I felt worthless and like my only value as a human was my ability to produce children. No individual interests, no ability to explore a world outside four walls, the sole caretaker of infants with very little support. I was also expected to homeschool the kids, but with no higher education or skills to implement successfully.

If I say anything against being a SAHM though, I get accused of being a rabid feminist who hates men and children. But a lot of people simply don't understand what it can actually be like when played out in reality. It's not that jobs give a woman more meaning or purpose than raising kids. It's that women were historically never stuck at home, alone, with small children, all day with no help or support. Her man was home, too. She had a community of relatives who were always there to help. This fantasy of a stay at home wife is a modern phenomenon. I know a lot of stay at home moms, and I can tell you that most of them are making the best of it, but are miserable.

All that to say, thank you for offering some insight and having the intuition to identify the problem and fix it. We need more guys like you.

[mobiusforniner]

@TheRealPepperPotts thank you and I appreciate your sharing your experience. Life is a journey and for us now, the sad reality is with mg wife happier and fulfilled, her parents and siblings are upset with me for disrupting “gods natural order”. It’s all funny in retrospect but a grim reminder that such archaic thinking is still alive and prevalent in modern society

[Anonymous]

This is such an interesting question, because this is my current situation. I am engaged and my finance wants me to be a stay at home wife. He made me a stay at home girlfriend before getting engaged. As a woman who has been independent her entire life and worked extremely hard, this was refreshing. I have absolutely enjoyed my time off from work. I also LOVE cooking, and I’m really good at it. So I do enjoy serving my man in that manner. However, recently I have been feeling guilty. Plus family telling me I need to get a job. I feel like I’m not doing enough. I do feel that I have too many gifts that I need to share with the world, and selfish for not. I also realized that my fiancé cannot support the lifestyle that I want to live. He tries his best and I appreciate him. However, I know the lifestyle that I truly desire. I told my fiancé I would like to return to school. Mostly because solely depending on a man just doesn’t sit right with me. I realized I would feel more secure having a degree that would allow me to have a high paying job. During this time off, I am also taking the time to pursue my passions. I have always wanted to be an entrepreneur.

[Opinion Owner]

My biggest aspirations in life has always been to be happy, travel, be successful in my career, and have my own happy family. I am happy and have traveled, but still have much more traveling to do. Motherhood is something I look forward to more than anything. I know I will be great at it. However, I want to have something established to my name before having children. My goal is to be a stay at home mom who works remotely, with the freedoms to travel whenever. Having my own business where I can work remotely. Also what I want to go back to school for pays very well, and has remote work. That way I would only have to work part time, on top of running my business and still be able to tend to my family. I do however love knowing that I now have the option to work or not. It is very comforting.

[mobiusforniner]

This right here is exactly what I responded too. Thanks for the input.

[Opinion Owner]

@mobiusforniner Thank you, I am happy to hear things are working out well for you and your wife. ☺️

[Summeroflove]

Not necessarily no, but understand that most people don’t know how these relationships are supposed to work. Where both people work equally as hard in separate roles in order to both take care of one another as well as support one another. That’s how it’s SUPPOSED to work… Not how they end up working.

There is manipulative men who want someone whose easy to control. Cheat on. Manipulate. As well as deadbeat women who want a free ride in life. They’re too focused on their hair and makeup as well as all their boyfriends. To lift a finger around the house and the little work she does she plays the victim on how hard her life is. Yet they never want to join the workforce despite crying about how their life is harder the. Working.

Yeah, for someone doing it right. It is work raising the kids. Doing all the things you’re supposed to do in your role.

[EzraIsShy76028]

I wouldn't say so. It's not my right to tell other people how to live their lives. Applies to both stay at home moms and stay at home dads.

With how bad the economy has gotten though and prices going up and people earning less, being a stay at home parent is becoming next to impossible. Even with both parents working as hard as they can it's hard to avoid going broke, much less with only one parent working.

Same reason it's become next to impossible for old people to retire now.

The economy and life in general are the hardest and worst they've ever been in recent years. Obviously there were times in the past worse than today, but today is definitely worse compared to like the 90s and the 80s and stuff. This is not just my view either, I've heard many other people's views (mostly older people) to reach this conclusion.

[Account]

It is not. I respect those women a lot, but in my opinion they are risking it and they should always have connections like family or friends to help them out in case things don't go well. Always. Because it is always risky and incredibly difficult to make that decision. No matter what.

[PeachyPie93]

Depends if that is what she really wants to do.. Sometimes woman think that is what she wants because it sounds easy but then goes on to blame her children for ruining her life. It is a hard job and can feel unfulfilling since what you do usually never gets praise especially from the ones you take care of. I personally wouldn't want that to be my life, I want kids but I wouldn't want to be a stay at home mom, it sounds like misery.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. On the contrary, women are more effective in the care and upbringing of the child. Likewise, for this reason, pre-school education teachers and kindergarten teachers are always women.

As for women's studies; Of course I'm not against this. Women can work, but the time they work should not interfere with the time they can devote to housework and children. This applies not only to women but also to men. People's working hours should not limit the time they can spend with their families.

In fact, former Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Mari's suggestions regarding working hours are a very good example of this.

If there was no economic crisis in my country and there was no risk of alimony, I would love to marry a housewife.

[nastyb]

Yes. If you never want to find out what you're good at, what your talents are, never want to accomplish anything other than do be a maid to your family forever, become a housewife.

Dark side to housewiving : your life can literally be turned upside down if you marry the wrong man or if he ever divorces you.

Proceed with caution

[Anonymous]

Yes! Because raising your own kids is a waste of time. 🙄
You know people go to school so they can raise your kids for you. Why would you want to take that from them? They spent years, and dollars, to learn how to do it better than Mom and Dad. How useless do you have to be to want to rase your own kids?
Pop ‘em out, hand them off, and get your ass back to work.

Amirite?

[Unit1]

Eugh. The matrix has truly achieved their slavery system: Public school and hollywood and the matrix are "raising" those kids to be yet another batch of slave droids or military meatshields, that don't form their customized opinions and perspectives 😫

[paledreams]

👀👀👀 ♀️ Yes - only if they're hot (lol) - otherwise, what person would say they're wasting if they're ugly lol - everyone loves a pretty face in the world ; shallow and I for one make do with my pretty face lol 😂😆 handsome straight man me man ♂️ kisses my reflection 🪞 👀 😘💋

[OlderAndWiser]

Raising the next generation to be responsible, productive, and moral is a compelling need in our culture. Having parents intimately involved in a child's first years is essential.

[Nikki1989]

Don't be ridiculous. There are many valid reasons why women may choose to stay home and raise their children, and these reasons should be respected.

[IslaTheWitch]

it should be voluntary

if she wants such a life then alright, if she doesn't, then other arrangements must be done

[Unit1]

It's only a waste if she's a shitty housewife/stay at home mother. Ask me how I know.

To be fair, either way is fine, whether that's being a stay at home wife/mother or focusing on the money aspect. A lady can't go wrong with either.

[Account]

You are one of the people that confuse me a lot. Sometimes I think you are fully sexist, while other times you surprise me positively with the things you post. I think you are one of the few people I am very torn about on here. I just felt the need to say that 😅

[Unit1]

@Account I form my custom opinions and perspectives and I do not align with any sides.

[strateguy632]

All these off topic woke answers here make me sick! The question was about "waste of talent," people.

Not if "she should. "

And not a waste of talent because her talents are raising the kids.

[Seinna]

Potentially, if she is very talented in some ways that have nothing to do with being a stay at home mom, while being really bad at being a stay at home mom. It's all about doing what brings us joy and what we're good at, ideally both at once.

[DextroShade]

It is the most important thing women can do, especially considering that most of the jobs women would choose to do instead aren't even necessary. All the jobs that are essential to keep society running are done by 95%+ men.

[Phoenix98]

I don't think so no, I mean there are few responsibilities greater then raising the next generation and doing so in a way that they turn out to be responsible, morally right and productive members of society.

[Anonymous]

It’s a total waste for her to be raising kids when she could be an independent powerful woman who works for a male supervisor, is paid less than him for her work, gets told exactly what she can and cannot wear in the office, tells her when she’s allowed to eat or take off work to spend time with her children. It’s a no brainer.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Nope I don't believe so, I think motherhood is far more important for our society than many of the things people choose to use their time for.

[LostandFound__x]

Being a stay at a home mum is a LOT of work. I realise some women are lazy but I’m talking about the women that actually look after their kids and provide a ‘home’ for their families.

[Apple1996]

No because then she can pass those talents onto her kids

[BlessedBlend94]

In my opinion the most valuable member of a society is the one who teaches the next generation. Moms who stay at home and homeschool are investing a ton of time into shaping the next generation. They are the amazon warriors in my book

[WhitneySnow]

Not if that’s what she wants to do and it’s not being forced on her by society or her husband or her parents

[red-lipstick-girl]

Raising a good child is a favor to the world, and women are the ones who do it. Motherhood is a very important and sacred profession.

[Alwayreckles93]

No it is only a waste of time if the mom is useless toxic addicts.

[DtMe89]

It would be wrong to not let someone, ANYONE, explore, to see if they have any talents, beyond parenthood. I don't want kids, or marriage. I'm a white male

Hate it?

[Jamie05rhs]

No, not necessarily. Some women are really good at that. It IS their talent!

My position is just that everyone should do what they want to do and no one should be pushed into any stereotype.

[Peridot25]

If it is, why are men still looking for either one?

[rienna888]

Yes unless your dream was to be a housewife. Also if you want to have money from the government, you could also have kids

[Shamalien]

Depends on the woman. For most I’d say it’s the ideal use of their talents

[Fireguy17]

If that is what they want to do that is fine.

It is not that easy to do.

[WhyohWhy69]

If that’s all you’re good at, then no. But if you suppress talent and lose your sense of self, that is.

[soe11]

• We live in 21st century.
• Female can be run anywhere anything.

[RingOfFire]

Only if survival of the human species a waste of time.

[am1237]

well if a women wanna pursue in her interest field no one should stop her. but if she really wanna be a housewife there is nothing wrong as long as she is not forced.

[Kingofkings1992]

No. What kind of fucktard would think that?

[Anonymous]

It is definitely not. Being a stay at home wife or a mother. Is a more difficult job than people give a credit for

[Anonymous]

No, being a SAHM is the most important job in the world, and the best use of all of her talents. Only feminists and stupid men think otherwise.

[Ladsin2]

What could be a better use of a woman's talents?

[OddBeMe]

Not that clear. Depends on the person and what they prioritize.

[grega239]

Its stunning to me that being a stay at home mom is looked down upon by si many

[Anonymous]

No, and dhose that say it is are shit stain feminists and are unworthy of your attention or respect.

[NamerOfStars]

Some women? Yes. Women as a whole? No.

[HelpfulWoman]

It absolutely can be.

[alice55]

No being a stay at home wife is good

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Sure, if you hate people.

[Crazzyyworld]

Yes she can dance at bars and singing sex

[Anonymous]

according to feminists it is

[Staximus]

Not if that's what she wants to do

[StevenMcGarrett]

It is the most important person in a child's life.

[Dan_Juliet02]

Depending on the family plan

[Jackson2005]

It can be, but it depends on the person.

[Anonymous]

Why would it be? That's patent nonsense.

[Abdulwahh]

No it has many pros.

[jahaims]

Nope

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Nope.