What's your opinion on stay at home moms?

Question

Been a stay at home mom for 7 years and love it ❤ I know there is some stigma about being a stay at home mom like this picture some people think theyre "just" being a mom and nothing more. Personally don't feel that way but I get some others do.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

if you can afford it, great... that's lovely

personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be a mother that is present and also take care of the place that is your home... especially when it is your choice and you do love the way your life is

to me, the most important thing is that you're happy with the way you decide to live your life, and moreso if you can make others happy as well, there's a few "stay-home" mothers that live on my street... and I know those are very happy and well taken care of children

and I know that because I tutor some of them, help them with their school stuff

Still-alive · Accepted Answer

They are some of the hardest working people. they are often loving to their children and very sweet.

a lot of people just think they are lazy or something. my grandma was a stay at home wife in her time and let me tell you she worked her ass off all the time!

Anonymous · Answer

Your question is very important, but just the tip of the iceberg. It has one of the most humongous roots of any social dilemma humanity has ever faced. It addresses almost everything: culture, sex, human rights, women's rights, workers' rights, jobs, money, relationships, roles, the nuclear family unit, productivity, the economy, wealth and poverty, children, family planning, education, psychology, religion, tradition, feminism, retirement, marriage, divorce, health, tribes, continuation of human species, private property, farming, land, paternity, ... I can go on forever. If you want to know how these are all linked, private message me, I will give you my phone number. It's just way too much to write.

In the end, I feel like yourself or someone else is criticizing you for your role as a SAHM, and that is troubling you. Hence putting out this question and trying to defend yourself when some people disagree with you on what your role should be.
I will try to help clarify some things to the best of my own limited judgement.
1- It is in our instinctive nature to have children. Anything that we do against that, will cause weird stress and anxiety and loads of mental problems, even if we were healthy and didn't have any to begin with. As women, becoming a mother, actually giving birth, and nurturing are also our instincts. So the fact that you were depressed before kids and are enjoying life again after, is completely natural. That you want to stay home and directly raise your kids is also very natural.
2- It seems most of the guys here agree with you. Some don't. But then again, people are different and this high ratio of yes to no answers is a very good outcome for you.
3- If it is yourself that is critisizing you, please lock up that voice for just a few minutes, and really imagine what your life would be like if you had been given a completely guilt-free, judgement-free choice to be a SAHM. Where would your life go AFTER you made that choice?
If it is your partner that is judging you or giving into and allowing others to judge you, please know that it is very critical that those judgements should remain outside of YOUR heart, and that you should solve them like a life problem that is outside of you. This sense of guilt or pressure shouldn't be internalized in to you. It is not about you. It is not YOUR issue, it is THEIR personal, internal issue.
If anyone else other than you or your partner is the cause of your concern, your answer to them is just: "None of your effin' business!". Whether you say it out loud to them or not. Simple as that.
4- I won't get into the why or how here, but if you look at the modern world the way it is, with all of the industries, laws, childcare services, tech, ... considering we can't change them very rapidly, you may have to take a new look at your life and what might happen in the future. Meaning you still need to have a plan for you and your children's future and finances, whether you have the free choice or decide to stay at home or not. And most importantly whether a partner would be involved or not. Basically, redefining your place in this world from your own point of view and benefit. When they say a child's arrival will greatly change your life, this is how it happens😁.
It is not a hard thing to look at things from a new point of view, the hard part is just realizing that you need a new point of view. The rest is just working things out from a different angle.
Good luck!

DaveJord · Answer

My opinion... well it depends on how supportive you are to your husbands emotional needs. My ex-worked at times and stayed at home some times. Worked 14 out of 22 years, off and on. The money was great and allowed for us to travel and do a lot of fun stuff. But when she was not working she still wanted me to met all her finical expectations.

And for me that was a real hassle, because kids grow up and move out at some point, and after the age of 14 or 15, or so they don't really need a stay at home mom. They are at school 8 hours a day, and school was less than a block away. Most after school activities don't take place until after 5 pm, and they 15 years old and have the ability to get places on their own. So she would complain all the time, about being unappreciated and lost track of the fact that work is hard... and getting up to go work every morning and be expected to earn all the money comes at a cost in stress and happiness as well. Because I had to do more to make more money.

I mean she wanted to be a stay at home mom, and when she did work she made life miserable for everyone else because she would stress out all the time. As I got older I decided that I did not want to work into my sixties just to pay for her lifestyle and I really started to resent her for all the hassle all the time. Like I was indebted to her for having my kids, kids she wanted and raised. She started emotionally distancing herself from me, and I guess did as well. Because at the end of the day she was always more about the kids then me, and stressing and lording over every aspect of their lives... and when they got old enough to care for themselves she lost purpose in her life... then started wanting to lord over me and I was not going to put up with it.

At 42 I had hopes and dreams for myself as well and she was not supportive. So I would advise young people today to really think about their choices... because when you want to be a stay at home mom, that means you better be willing to put all your faith and trust for the future in your man... because you do not have the right to demand more later from him because you made choices. And I always taught my daughters not to be dependent on a man for anything but love and support, other than that they should not expect him to do anything more than they can't do for themselves.

Nomoturtle · Answer

I think it's sad that there's apparently a stigma to it. Women losing their honourable narrative towards raising a family is a shame, and shouldn't have been taken away. I think stay at home mums are a vital part of raising kids.

Seemingly this equality ideology has taken hold to the extreme where we're fitted to become the same as the other sex as much as possible, a universal human standard as opposed to male/female specialisation. The imposed ideal has apparently been to idolise the man's role as a materialist provider and coax women into it, while simultaneously denigrating men's individual protective and aggressive qualities, basically as defective women.

Both men and women - but especially women - are self-reportedly are unhappier, perhaps for this reason. The socialisation of people into this unnatural homogenised unit of production is not without side-effects.

So frankly I think you're doing what perhaps most women would enjoy more anyway, and it's not "just" anything, it's an important role that shouldn't be given up to relatively disinterested and potentially suspect government and teachers.

Lliam · Answer

I have no problem at all with stay at home moms. It's a good thing if they have kids. And it doesn't mean that they stay in the house all day. They can engage in any number of school and community activities.

Kids really benefit from having a parent at home. It's way better than shipping them off to day care. The way things are going these days, participating in home schooling is way better than sending kids to public school to get indoctrinated.

It's good for the couple's relationship, too, when both don't come home tired and frazzled after work every day and then have to deal with the kids and catch up with what's happening in each other's lives. It also kinda sucks to work full time and have to cook and do household chores.

A working husband can breath a sigh of relief to be home to his wife and family, knowing that everything is under control. And the wife can do other things to relieve his stress.

It seems like a healthy arrangement to me, as long as there is enough income and both people are good happy in their roles.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

It’s fine for those with the income or will to have reduced income.

however with mortgages, student loans, house deposits etc, the realities are having either partner at home can be a nightmare or a case of accepting say £20k plus income.

My ex stopped at home until we shipped the daughter off to school.

In parts of the UK, there often not a choice if you want to pay your mortgage and save for a larger house.

It’s hard being a stay at home mum, it’s equally as hard being a part time mum, getting kids ready for school, getting them to school, then working, then home pick up kids, then making dinner etc.

IceEmbers · Answer

Stay at home mothers are important and (personally speaking only) fare better with their children than mothers who need to work. As both of parents nowadays work causing a strain with the development of the children. It potentially the same thing as being "absent" when your working multiple hours of the day. Or away from your kid for long periods of time. Children get these signals mixed up as they are unable to distinguish between where their parents our in the life.

Oigit · Answer

Hay if a mother wants to be a stay at home mom and the couple can make it work, I say go for it. People tend to offer their opinions, ideas and like to stick their nose in someone else's relationship. They can completely forget they are not part of the relationship and don't have no real say if the mom wants to stay at home or the couple does not want to have kids.

It's like someone giving me relationship advice that has a string of bad relationships or divorces. Maybe if they kept their nose out of other peoples relationships and worked on themselves and their own relationships they wouldn't have so many issues with their own relationships

Lionman95 · Answer

I have a huge respect for couples that could manage that. First of all if it´s choice it should be respected but I feel like that´s something both man and wife should figure out how it could work.
It´s nothing a man can ask for and I think many men that wish there wifes to be one never thought about the consequences. That way men are the only bread winners and they have to work hard getting enough money to pay all the bills and without neglecting their responsibilities as a dad.
But it´s hard for women as well because being a mum is an unpaid full time job with no private life so it has to be well organized to reduce the risk of a burn out.
Therefore I have a deep respect that you chose that way of life.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

If your personal circumstances mean you can stay at home and not be a drain on society then its entirely up to you. I don't agree with single parents living off state handouts, especially after kids are school age.
I love spending time with my kids, I'm fortunate that my employer has allowed me to compress my week into 4 days so I get 3 whole days with them a week, I have thought bout how it may be to have a career break for 4 years till my 8 month old stats school (I can't afford to do it though), I think I would miss the adult/professional interactions too much.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's awesome. My mom was a stay at home mom (still is). I would be a stay at home wife as well, I'm a traditional woman. I just have one small question. It's more of a fear because my dad treated my mom poorly growing up. My dad is super jealous and toxic. But there were days when my mom was sick and couldn't make food or clean. And even when she was sick my dad would force her to cook. A part of me fears that. I still want to be treated like a human being for the days I don't clean or cook for a bit. I fear if my husband will be fighting with me to do my job when I don't feel well. I don't want that. That's probably common sense for most people to have a considerate husband that doesn't treat you like a slave. But growing up with that/fearing if I'll somehow marry a mean husband like my dad holds me back.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Your a good mom no worries , Horrible stay home mom's are the ones that don't work and yet still force their oldest to take the whole responsibility. My mom never clean the house. I was the free housekeeper and free nanny for my younger siblings. Some people are going to hate my comment calling me ungrateful daughter , Yes it's okay to help out but not take the whole package.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel like it’s stressful. My mom was a stay at home and growing up i saw how difficult it was on her and how trapped she felt when she saw that we weren’t doing well economically and my dad would always refuse to let her get a job even though me and my brother were totally fine with it. I grew up hating my father in that aspect. Not letting my mother (also) take care of the family financially. She’s a smart woman and I mean VERY smart and she has a lot of projects she wants to do and I support her but My father just brings her down a lot. Even though my brother and I are all grown up and have our own careers and are independent. Anyways, god free me from ever marrying a man like that.

If the husband is supportive and can afford LOTS enough for the wife to comfortably be a stay at home, then sure. But if it’s like my own experience, I’d kindly decline.

TruthBringer · Answer

Absolutely wonderful thing when a woman decides to actively raise her children rather than have strangers do it in a daycare while the dad goes out to work and comes home to a cooked meal and knowing kids were in good hands. Don't listen to bitter feminazis like Shaysh87. The only reason why they spread their venom is because they cannot stand the fact that stay at home moms are happy & fulfilled in their role as mothers

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

I think it's fine, as long as it's what the couple agree to.

Parenting probably isn't easy and if your children are the most important thing in your life, then it just makes sense to devote more time to them and if you're in a situation where you can afford it, then why not.

exitseven · Answer

It is admirable to raise your own kids instead of shuffling them off to some day care place. My wife stayed home for 11 years when our kids were little. We were not wealthy and a second income would have made life a lot easier but we both made this decision before we got married.

HOAAH · Answer

I don't mind it.
I have been one for 10 years now.
It kind of lonely some times.
It can be boring.
There's things that I do that is not just watching the kid play.
Grocery shopping, shop for kids clothes, just shopping in general.
Cook. Clean. Kids appointments. Make sure the house is taken cared of.
Finance.

We are only able to have me be a stay at home mom because my hubby makes decent money. We save the max for our Roth IRA every year, and then 10-20k more here and there for our savings acct. All this for 1 income, so that means it was doable.

If it is not doable for whomever than I would totally understand... I know my daughter's teacher works along with her husband. They have 2 daughters and another on the way but her parents watch her kids for her for free so... that's good that she has that help. Otherwise daycare is expensive here in the USA.

Paul09 · Answer

Honestly, just my opinion. But I find it bizzare. At first when they are very young sure. But after that? What about socializing? Hobbies? Skills? I'd be bored out of my mind. If both of you work, you'll make extra income. For kids, or for your early retirement. You staying at home slows that down. Father had to probably work 12 hour shifts, for how long? Yikes. I mean it's great to come home to à clean orginized home. With a meal ready.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I see nothing wrong with it, I have also not seen any stigma with it here. The stigma I see is when a baby sitter raises peoples kids cause both parents are working full time.

That or a nanny.

I say it is great and hope to be that one way day myself.

My own mother has almost never worked a paying job but is essentially her own boss, around the house and helping on the farm growing up.

Roses19870 · Answer

I feel that stay-at-home moms should be appreciated way more than they currently are. Women have so much pressure to constantly be spreading themselves thin and to take on as many roles as possible, because apparently just wanting to be a mother isn’t enough. My mom was a stay-at-home mom for a while when I was younger and I loved every minute of it. She taught me a lot about love and she’s always been there for me. I think that modern feminism has pressured women to think that just wanting to have a low-key job and/or be a mom/wife is oppressive. I don’t understand it either. I know that when I have kids one day I will stay home and nurture them as much as possible.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

That image text is wrong.
Remove the 'just' word and add an exclamation mark at the end and then it will justify her. The work done by her is enormous. Maintaining a house is as difficult as doing a job or running a business.
Stay at home moms cool.

AncientWisdom · Answer

I think they are the salt of the earth if they are good people. This is not always the case.
Men need to be needed as much as they want sex. A man thrives when he doesn’t have to worry about his home , because he had a good women there walking beside him through life , and helping him achieve his goals , as she knows she will benefit as well. She thrives because she knows she is lived and needed. We all need to be needed deep down even those who won’t admit it.

lightbulb27 · Answer

full time job, under rated and appreciated, important part of a good family and ideal for most children. sadly role was lost post vietnam war and inflation crushed usa.

same as stay at home dads.

they should home school their kids as long as possible..

dolemite89 · Answer

if your husband can provide enough to make it possible and you’re a good wife/mom to your kids then do your thing you shouldn’t feel bad at all. I do think stay at home moms should always be ready to hit the ground running tho with your resume to get a job if something happened to your husband or when your kids are grown up enough that you can.

Anonymous · Answer

At the end of the day it depends on the mom. There are some that deeply love their kids and husbands. It’s not that they can’t work if they financially needed to or something happened to her husband.

But there’s a lot of women who have this fantasy of it being a free ride. It’s not. Both parents should be working equally as hard in their own roles. Yes the man will be mentally and physically exhausted. It’s not really fair if the woman lives a cushy life.

But there’s plenty that don’t do anything. They hire a nanny or someone they sit by the pool. Also stay at home moms have a high rate of cheating. Don’t ask how I know…. Classified. I’m not saying it’s personal experience but…..

Likes2drive · Answer

It’s great if the husband can afford for them to stay home and raise the kids till school age, better than day care or a babysitter, I would rather they stay home

blondfrog · Answer

My mom is a stay at home mom. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't support it. Being a stay at home mom or dad isn't' easy either. News flash people you basically have to give up your dreams and make a lot of sacrifices. Sometimes due to the house hold income and your Childs situation you have no other choice.

UdontNeedtoknow · Answer

Stay at home mom's are the foundation of society. They raise healthy children and families. They keep there husbands happy, healthy, and sane. Part of the reason society is falling apart is due to these femi-nazis stigmitizing a good housewife. Personally I think being a good housewife is the most honorable thing a woman can do.

convo_king89 · Answer

A stay at home mom, is no stigma. It is the traditional way of thinking and it expected that the man is the breadwinner.

so your expected to have dinner ready everyday while wearing an apron and a dress right when he comes in.

Wraith_Cemetery · Answer

I have nothing but respect for these women. They're incredibly hard working individuals and don't need to explain themselves to anyone, especially not to sleeveens like @shaysh87 .

annabananna · Answer

I stay at home and that makes the most sense for out family. I wouldn’t even make 10% of what my husband makes working full time so my work is better served taking care of the house and kids.

Cherry234 · Answer

I think it's great. As long as you're happy it doesn't matter what other people think. If your husband is okay with the arrangement and you like it then that's nice. It's better than putting your children in a daycare center.

Anonymous · Answer

I respect that so much... it is also work but where u do not get paid and do not want to get paid... nothing negative i got bout them... and how pro a baby sitter is that can not do as a mom does it... presence of loving care taker/worker/cooker and presence of mom is different. I dont have problem w baby sitters either but just saying it is all fine n for kids it is even better in every way

Mark987 · Answer

Stay at home moms or dads are the foundation of a good family home. They handle everything from the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and making everything organized

slatyb · Answer

That’s between you and your partner. I would advise young women making that choice to choose their partner carefully, ideally after they have spent some time as independent adults. It’s very difficult to be a single parent with no marketable skills.

Redstang88 · Answer

I mean if that’s what you want to do with your life more power to ya.  I have zero interest in having kids so that definitely wouldn’t work for any girl I’d be interested in

Subarugirl · Answer

Entirely depends on the person. Some stay at home mothers have a superiority complex and being a mom is the focal point of their entire personality.

Cubus · Answer

If she feels that's something that would make her heart happy then it's very good.

Also: some people don't really appreciate how hard is it. They think if you stay at home all day then you can get lazy. Hell no :)

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Kudos. It's hard work either way. You're shamed for staying at home and you're shamed for going back to work and not being around your kids. Do what you can and what works for your family

MacLove999 · Answer

Stigma? For what. Aside from industrialized western countries women have always been stay home moms and business women. Any one says you less then any other women is liar. They are jealous you can handle to do both. Be a mother and a wife. Thats tough.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it’s the same as having a regular job. The only problem is that women continue to push the idea of continuing to overpopulate the earth. 🤬

shaysh87 · Answer

Of course you love staying home for 7 years. It’s the easiest life could ever get. Do you realize that most other moms actually have to work jobs then come home to do housework / childcare right? Let’s see you work 8 hours a day at your job then come home to continue doing housework and child care. Let’s see how much you’ll love it

Fireguy17 · Answer

it's great if financially they are able to do it.
Then the kids aren't put in day care, so they end up getting lots of attention.
It is a lot of work, but I'm thinking most people know that before they decide to have kids.

petitedollbabee · Answer

I admire them. Being a stay at home mom is it’s own full time job. With all the cleaning, cooking, maintaining the house, caring for your children, it’s rough.

Socal99 · Answer

Fuck no. To me that says that the woman's lazy as fuck doesn't want to work doesn't want to contribute to life and to the family that's why there's such things as babysitters and daycares and so forth. I'm the kind of guy where I like a woman that she has to work she has to put in her dues not just staying at home relaxing cleaning the house a lot of women get into that and they love it well I want a woman to love working so that she can fucking pay some of the bills and go grocery shopping and chip in 50/50 or 60/40 where the guys 60 and so forth and be able to help out none of this stay at home bullshit

matchrestore · Answer

With wage stagnation, the cost of childcare, and the complexity of kids schedules with school and activities, it can make perfect sense for some families.

beebella · Answer

I don't have much of an opinion about it, I just think it's weird that it's something that a lot of people look down on nowadays.

EmmaMary · Answer

This is definitely not something I can do, however I do applaud all the women who can and do.

jasco · Answer

I like them, I mean being a parent is a tough job and not everyone can balance work and being a parent. So I think people should choose 1 instead of trying to deal with the stress of doing both

SnakeBoop · Answer

I am one at present and I actually hate it. Power to anyone who can do that and who wants to do that so long as all the family agrees to it.

hahahmm · Answer

I'm a traditional guy so I like it IF she understands what it means to be part of a team. That goes beyond just being a mom.

chapawapa · Answer

I don't have a high opinion of them... However I realize my bias towards them and my opinion isn't really valid... At the end of the day you do you I don't care

NopeWhatTime · Answer

No one should be forced into that role, but if a woman wants to be a stay at home mom, by all means! I feel the same way about stay at home dads

Pyrofox · Answer

My mom was for about 18 years stay at home then got a contract ish job. Now works occasionally to get out of the house.

collie22 · Answer

if you think about it being a Mom is a super hard thing. Doing all the stuff that needs done. Mom's that pull it off are super people :)

RationalMale · Answer

If you like being at home mom kudos to you, go for it.

My mom was a stay at home mom and lamented she gave up her career for us brats. Then when she resumed her job she hated the stress vs being at home.

Crankor · Answer

If it works for them then cool. Me personally I don't like what I've seen what it can do to their mentality over time. Cutting yourself off from any social interactions outside of one usual friends can kinda make a person... be off

Babygirl_S · Answer

I think kids need care especially upto the age of 10. Unfortunately not everyone can be a stay at home mom due to financial difficulties or people looking down upon you as someone inferior (especially in my culture).

Shamalien · Answer

Very positive. Nice to see a woman actually raising her children, because that’s what the kids need, and most parents put their own wants over their childrens’ needs and that’s why society is crumbling. It all starts with the family

Surely · Answer

Totally respect them.
They are usually mothers, cooks, house keepers and teachers. Plus saving a lot of money on babysitting fees!
No sick days, vacations or normal work benefits.
Just the pleasure of watching their children grow!

Dargil · Answer

Doing the most important job a woman can have. Raising kids right. She is not "just a stay at home mom. She's a hero.

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