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i am kind of annoyed because my mom keeps saying Im wrong to have guys for my friends. I have 4 friends and 3 are guys. They are not my boyfriend or anything. Then she lets my brother be rude to me about it. He said they just want to take my virginity. What do you think?
If you set clear boundaries and adhere to them, then there is no problem having male friends. The problem is however if those men view you the same as you do and if they are willing to adhere to your boundaries.
While it is perfectly possible to have male/female friendships, a lot of those friendships tend, unfortunately, to be more than just platonic because the one or the other party is unable or unwilling to keep the friendship on a strictly platonic basis.
This is mostly true in the age group 16-35 (give or take a few years) where hormones tend to play crazy and where some assume that being friends with someone of the opposite gender is automatically leading to more.
If you are strict about your friends and make them understand your point of view, there is absolutely no issue. However, if you notice that they want more, you have to abort that friendship immediately.
Ok that makes sense. But if one of them one day likes me, I should end the friendship?
That is up to you to know but personally I would end it if they cannot keep their part of the deal. Hitting on a girl is an absolute no go when having a platonic friendship. If you don't act, you ruin that friendship.
You have to know - is friendship more important to you than having sex? Because, you must not fool yourself, if he "likes" you, that means he wants something very specific from you.
이해하신 것 같아요!
Thank you, I understand
u There’s nothing wrong with having platonic friendships with the opposite sex. Aslong as clear boundaries have been set, and they know that nothing else will come from the friendship (to avoid their possible ulterior motives). I have 5 friends and 3 of them are guys. Another thing, someone else in the comments said that guys will steer clear of you due to you having guy friends… that’s not true. The WRONG guys will steer clear of you 🙂 a true, respectful man wouldn’t get his knickers in a twist over what gender your friends are, because that’s just insecure and pathetic.
Thank you, I agree
But you can't help insecurities. A lot of people have them.
Maybe if someone is in a relationship (a TRUSTING one), they should reassure their partner. But also, when in a relationship, the attention should be with their partner, NOT always with the friend! Also, why hang with them alone? Especially at night?
My parents never did that. They KNEW of their roles as husband and wife, and parents.
Yes, it’s normal to have insecurities and have reassurance from your partner. But it’s not healthy to project those insecurities onto your partner and make it their problem. Yes the attention should be with their partner, not always with the friend. I never said it should always be with the friend. But you shouldn’t have to cut off your friendships just for a partner, otherwise you end up isolated. Hanging out with your friends alone is very healthy. Sure it’s nice to invite your partner to join you sometimes, but not everytime, I find that strange and controlling behaviour. Night or day shouldn’t be such a big difference.
That’s nice for your parents?
Honestly, the degree to the insecurity I believe is what counts. So yeah, I don't view it as that normal, depending on what it is! If the partner hasn't done anything to stir suspicion or whatever, then maybe the other partner is out of line if they're thinking that something wrong. And I feel that night and day DOES matter, because when it's night, inhibitions tend to relax, just because someone is tired from the day, things like that. If you are in public vs. in private, there is a BIG difference in that too. You're less able to try anything sketchy during the day and also if there's people in view. It's just common sense! There's power in numbers, I'm sure you'd agree with me with that.
And yes, my parents were being (and are still being) responsible. They love and care enough for each other not to play with each other's emotions that way. And, as they've gotten older, it DOES become easier not to step off certain boundaries. Anyway...
My advice is once you are in a relationship, don't make NEW opposite gender friends, don't be friends with any ex, don't hang out one on one with them when you are in a relationship, don't be too physical with them/too friendly, and never go to them when having disagreements or conflict in your relationship.
If any guy friends do want more from you, they will always side with you in any conflict or disagreements with a boyfriend and always try to make him look like a bad guy in order to ruin relationships.
If you can follow the advice I gave, you probably will be fine having those friends. Whatever you do, don't follow the advice of other women on this because they are frequently wrong.
Thanks!
I used to think it was possible to have opposite sex friendships. When you live a socially outgoing life- sure, having "surface friends" of the opposite sex is indeed possible. These are people who are fun to hang out, party, and chill with.
But to truly have a close friend of the opposite sex? As in, someone who knows you intimately, cares about you and your well being? Someone who holds you when you cry or finds ways to make you smile? Someone you always feel you must have around because they make you happy?
No, that person is NOT your friend.
Nobody holds me when I cry 😭 lol..
Opinion
16Opinion
Facts: Gender is just a social trait, and to many people who prefer to be cisgendered, genetic trait. It’s better to be outgoing (not necessarily going out with) and socialise with a more diverse people. Like, many very very nice Earthlings are women, so not socialising with them is like breaking the friendship with them. Not necessarily bad, but definitely not a good thing. My imām allowed me to have women as comrades and friends. Those guys that are Your friends have no effing right to break your virginity without Your consent. You’re 18, You’re an adult, You’ve the right to be social and outgoing, have fun! You ain’t a slave to Your mum or brother.
I have very small hopes about opposite sex friends because it's rare, there's always a form of physical attraction when it comes to opposite gender friends and it always ends up raining the friendship somehow, they would have to not be attracted to each other and for friends you might as well stick to your own gender when it comes to friends as I'm almost positive that if you give them the opportunity they won't let it slip
Ruining*
The only way for an oppsite sex friendship to be beneficial is if the guy was butt ugly, gay or already in a committed relationship lol. Otherwise, if they are single and ready to mingle (and both are decently attractive), then it's just a matter of time.
People take it from my experience lol.
Yep indeed
Having guys as friends isn't bad. I've been friends with guys & like it. Only thing I wish wouldn't happen is that people tend to think something more will happen when it won't.
You understand
What's funny is I have more girl crushes than guy crushes, yet with girls nothing is assumed. But with a guy, it's always assumed.
Just know that many guys will steer clear of you because of your guy 'friends'. Your mom and brother are right, listen to them.
I know some girls have friends and they like each other but we have been real friends since middle school. They can't all like me. I'm supposed to tell them to stay away from me now? 6 years?
How are you so sure about that? Why aren't they asking me for it then?
Do you think it's a bad idea to ask one of them to see what they say? I'm very curious now
If they are interested in dating me
Are you my brother on that account? 🤦🏻♀️
It's fine to have a lot of guy friends but if they are gay it's mostly fine.
If they are straight, they want to shag you but are too polite to tell you straight up maybe cos they've known you for so long
They are not gay lol you said shag, I guess you mean sex. I wouldn't know because they haven't tried anything or said it. One of them has a girl and the others we play video games and go on hikes but nothing like dating. Thank you though
You have more will power than I thought.
Try to keep it that way.
When I was 25, all I could think about was what their willy looked like underneath. Good luckk!!
It's totally fine! Spend time with the people you're comfortable with and who value you and build you up.
Thanks
*grumble grumble* my mom is the same way. and other girls are too. UGH. it's not slutty or bad or anything like that, we're all just humans
Exactly omg
I grew up among boys and my amount of female and male friends is disproportionate by boys. In opinion of others I'm manipulative, but in reality having as friend a girl other men desire grants boys plus points. For other girls I'm often just in their way, in 99% of cases even unintentionally.
Let's be real... Why would a girl mostly have guy friends? 1- she's a tomboy, has masculine energy... 2- she seeks validation through male attention... That's why people look down on it...
I understand what you mean. I'm not a girly girl for sure. But I wouldn't say masculine either. But I don't really wear makeup but I like getting my nails painted. I don't know maybe I'm a tomboy then. Nobody has considered me that though. But no to your number two reason
👍👍
It definitely looks bad. As for it actually being bad... lemme put it to you like this; most of the women I've known who primarily hangout with men have been lunatics. Does that mean anything about you personally? Of course not. But that thought would be in the back of my mind in dealing with you.
You would think I was crazy? Why?
Oh you said because the women you knew were. That's weird to me. How were they crazy?
Oh ok I never do that. I've never even had a boyfriend because i never really wanted one. And the only reason 3 out of 4 of my friends are guys is because I was getting bullied by my female friends in middle school because the guy that one of them liked, liked me. So these three boys let me be with them and they have been good friends ever since.
No, but any potential boyfriend might be concerned about it
Can you tell me why? I have a guy that likes me & asked me out. He did ask if I ever dated one of them. I said no but he makes faces like he doesn't like them. Is it because he doesn't trust that we're just friends?
Nothing wrong with it. For a while I had mostly female friends. It was nothing I planned but it just worked out that way.
Same here it just worked out that way
I am assuming you are straight and the friends you are getting to be friends with are straight. Everybody needs friends. Just as long as you keep it on a just friendly basis. Make sure that is established from the beginning of each relationship.
Your mom may not be wrong about them wanting to fuck you though. A lot of guys are only friends with girls for that reason, especially around your age.
I just feel like she assumes the worst of me. I don't want sex from them and the girls that they talk about doing that with are usually white. I feel they look at me like a sister. As a test I'll ask one of them if he wants to date.
I don't know yet
... Maybe i shouldn't ask. Maybe I should just enjoy the friendship until something happens then.
Yes it is bad.
All these guys want to get with you and you have friend - zoned them.
Doesn't it mean something if we we're friends since middle school? I doubt they want me after so long.
No I look like a dwarf with long hair and small boobs. They literally call me peanut because I'm small. I don't even wear makeup, I look plain lol
You have working downstairs? Do they? If you're decently attractive and you're at that age to where you could potentially become a mother, just watch out and never hang with them alone or in a cozy environment ONE on ONE!
Some say only turgid penis in a wet vagina takes away your virginity. So just do buttsex and mouth stuff with those boys and tell your brother and mom to eff the hell off. :)
It's not a problem at all. That was a very rude comment from your brother.
At your age, they probably DO want you sexually more so than just as a platonic friend.
Her: all my friends are guys
Ew lol that's not how I am at all.
My future boyfriend I'll introduce them to my friends and of course I will be respectful to him. And i also have a girl friend
Yes i don't wanna go deep but in mens world we consider it as red flag
It is ok
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