Am I in the wrong for “ending my friendship” when my friend stopped making an effort?

[Anonymous]

My best friend of many years recently started replying more and more slowly to my texts. She also blew me off a couple times to hang out with her other group of friends when we barely see each-other.

i asked her if anything was wrong and if I could do anything to fix it, and she said no she’s just busy. She then didn’t invite me to her birthday or wish me happy birthday on mine like she usually does. She went out with her other friends, though. I thought she had ghosted me over those months and was really upset, so I sent her a breakup text saying “I know we’re no longer besties but I’ll always care about you, etc”

She hasn’t replied but has been ignoring me ever since. Am I in the wrong? Did I end the friendship or did she? Because I don’t know if I hurt her but she definitely hurt me. Have I done wrong? Should I apologise?

[Wraith_Cemetery]

Can't blame you for giving up. I've had a few friendships that became like that. One of them barely ever hung out with me anymore and we joked "see you in a year" when he moved further away. Needless to say, it is now 4 years later since I've seen him so I gave up and haven't made an effort to contact him.

Friendships are more brutal nowadays it seems. Nobody calls. Nobody says "hey, let's go for a coffee". Growing up in the 90's and early 2000's, we got together every week and had phone calls all the time.

People now just text (many don't even do that), never take time to go for a coffee, and barely ever call. Everyone makes excuses for being "busy". A phone call doesn't take much effort in my mind. I still have one friend left that calls me weekly though.

[Guy13]

You have seemed to express our feelings in question form so it is a little bit confusing. It seems as though you are simply seeking resolution and have not been able to get any. I get that your friend withdrew from the relationship in a meaningful way AND that you chased the relationship inquiring if there was a problem. So, your instincts were good as there were problems as your friend disappeared BUT was not upfront about things in the beginning.

You are the true friend. You should sleep well and find Resolution in the knowledge of "you did the right thing". MAYBE, it will all come back together in a sensible way between you two over March.

[petitedollbabee]

She ended the friendship. Don’t apologise for something that isn’t your fault. Let her go and move on. It’s normal for some friends to drift apart over time.

[Anemone978]

Meh.. move on she obviously found people she rather hangout with, so you did the right thing.

[ShiftingMonke]

I can't really add more than what others have said; your effort didn't stop, hers did. And this is normal, some friends grow apart as they get older. It's sad, but it's life. It just gives more room in your life to restructure your time and attention to others- be they other friends, or to make new ones.

[In_Trance]

Sense of entitlement ruined this.

If you wanna talk, reach out. Doesn't matter what the other person does or doesn't do.
If you expect the same energy from people that you're willing to give, you're going to be constantly disappointed.

[noohair]

Friendship changes and sometimes a friendship becomes more of an acquaintance.

[Wise4myage]

Yes, but make sure she knows why.

[Asker]

Thanks, what do you mean?

[Wise4myage]

Tell her the reasons why you want to end things.

[Asker]

I didn't want to end things at all though.. I was pretty sure she ended things

[Asker]

like she ghosted me