My best friend of 18 years hasn't talked to me in 2 months. Should I contact her?

[Anonymous]

We are friends since primary school. There were times when we were closer and when we went distant, but never for that long.

She has a boyfriend now again and I believe that's the main reason for our estrangement.

Anyway... she disagreed about my situationship, told me that I should move on... and whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, she seemed distant and avoiding. She didn't want to hear about my problems and private issues about this guy, so she kept postponing our meetings. I agree that that's almost all that I talked about, but still believed she is my friend.

I was the one to always message "wyd" and one day I got fed up and stopped, haven't heard anything from her ever since.

Do you think that our relationship is over?

[Ozanne]

Just because you have been friends since primary school doesn't mean you have to be friends for the rest of your life. There is an old line I remember from the show Home Improvement when Tim confides in Wilson about his old college roommate, and how times have changed and Tim is now a married man and his old friend is a wild, single guy wanting to influence Tim to leave his family nights to go out with him. Tim is torn because he says "He's been my best friend for 15 years." Wilson promptly corrects this by asking, "Has he been your best friend for 15 years, or was he your best friend 15 years ago?"

It sounds like this childhood friendship had its importance for you during the years you were both growing up, but now as adults, you're on different paths. Nothing wrong with that. You don't have to be enemies. You don't have to quit talking. You can both just find new friends. Anything you had in common from grade school to high school benefitted you both during those years, but now, things are different. Just because there are 18 years doesn't mean you have to bang your head against the wall waiting for your 20th Friendship Year Anniversary as if this is a marriage where you're fighting your hardest to make it work. You're friends, and always will be. No harm in just loosening the ties so that you can freely look for better people to be around as you go through the next chapters in your life.

[Anonymous]

It's difficult to say definitively whether your relationship with your friend is over, as relationships can be complex and evolve over time. However, it does seem like there are some challenges in your friendship that you may want to address.

It's clear that your friend's behavior changed when she got into a new relationship, which is not uncommon. Sometimes, when people enter into new romantic relationships, they can become less available to their friends as they focus on their partner. This doesn't necessarily mean that the friendship is over, but it might mean that the dynamics have shifted.

Communication is key in any relationship, including friendships. If you value this friendship and want to reconnect, it might be a good idea to reach out to your friend and have an open and honest conversation. You can express your feelings and concerns, let her know that you miss her, and inquire about her perspective on the situation. It's possible that she may not have realized how her actions were affecting you, and this conversation can help clarify things.

However, it's also important to be prepared for the possibility that your friend's priorities and interests have changed, and she may not be as invested in the friendship as she once was. In that case, it's essential to respect her choices and decisions, even if it means that the friendship has naturally evolved or come to an end.

Ultimately, whether your relationship with your friend continues or not, it's essential to focus on maintaining a healthy and supportive network of friends and connections in your life..

[teamvic]

hmmm i have a question for you. even before this "avoiding thing" happened. if you one day just didn't message her like now, would you be ableto confidently say that eventually she would hit you up?🤔

what it could be is a couple things,

one: you talked tooo damn much about this guy and it got anooying, and she just didn't wanna hear it.

and

two: she's in a relationship. thats a big reason why people talk less with friends. they take up more time. to you yeah its the same as it was before but to her now she has this other person to deal with.

i wouldn't throw away the friend ship just like that but i will say just stop messaging her and wait for her to message you. if she doesn't message you for a while we then i guess it is what it is. but it also doesn't mean that she isn't your friend. i have friends that i haven't talked to in years but id still be just as cool as iwas when i last talked to them all those years ago. you may have to find a new friend but it doesn't mean she's not your friend anymore. 18 years is a long time.

[Asker]

I know it was annoying that I kept talking about him, but I had issues and wanted support. If it was that annoying, she could have said that. I'm not someone who cannot cope with honesty. I don't know... I stopped messaging her two months ago and she hasn't reached since then.

[teamvic]

as i sai, you may have to find someone else that fill that talk whenever and express your feelings to. but i wouldn't go and tell you that that friendship is over. maybe you guys are just drifting apart a bit for now.

[SakuraBlossoms87]

Nobody likes constant negativity. Nobody.

If you are unable to cope with your previous boyfriend dumping you or whatever the situation was then you should seek psychological help not constantly complain to your friend about it. What do you expect her to do? Particularly when it sounds like you bitch about this "guy" to her but may have very well stayed with / are still with him now.

Friends are often willing to listen to other friends' issues but if that's ALL you go on about it isemotionally and psychologically draining for her. Causes stress, etc. for her and potentially is damanging her own relationship with her boyfriend.

You'd be referred to as a toxic friend and she wisely removed the toxicity.

[Rei13]

Friendships come and go, and even with the ones that stay it is normal to grow distant and then close again later. Some of my best friends moved out of state and we didn’t talk for a couple years but as soon as they either moved back or one of us reached out to the other we would just instantly reconnect and continue where we left off. It is also normal to get a little more distant when someone gets into a new relationship. They’re learning about their partner and starting to hopefully build a life together. That doesn’t mean the friendship is over. She might just be putting space between the two of you, just give it time and reconnect later.

[sage2021]

Maybe it's time to refresh your friendship with her. Don't let it die for sure.
Put some kindle in the fireplace and start the fire (good fire) again. Maybe send her a message from your heart and a GIF. See what happens...

[WhitneySnow]

You should contact her. Tell her you care about her and you’ll stop talking about that guy so much.

[KostasKouvalis]

I think it's time to move on. Friends don't last forever. I wouldn't go as far as to block her, but I wouldn't try to contact her unless she contacts you

[Staximus]

No, just learn your lesson and don't subject her to your ridiculous fuckboy drama like you're still in high school. It's not like your husband cheated on you or something.

[jshm2]

Not much of a best friend then, is it?

[Asker]

I realized a long time ago that I was the one who always texted first and initiated meetings. And now when I stopped, she hasn't contacted me. Then maybe I wasn't as important to her as she was to me.

[mira3japharova]

I think no