What are the pros and cons of having a child when you're not financially able to?

[Anonymous]

I make about 36.5k a year. My boyfriend makes about the same. I am in so much debt right now that I actually get help with it every month from a friend.

Me and my boyfriend also don't live together and live kind of far away from each other. So what would be the pros and cons of having a baby right now when we're both not financially ready or even in close vicinity of each other?

I'm speaking hypothetically if I were to become pregnant. Not sure because we just had unprotected sex.

I don't want to have an abortion but I feel thats my only option at this point.

[Screenwriter]

If the two of you are NOT living together and you are in serious debt, it is definitely NOT the time to have a child. Have you even discussed this possibility with your boyfriend?

You need to be in a stable, confident place in your life with your finances solid, and you need to have good medical insurance in place. You also need a partner who is ON BOARD with this decision and who will be physically present THOUGHOUT your pregnancy and afterward to help you raise this child. What family support do you have? Any grandparents or potential ones nearby? What childcare resources are there and what are the costs? What well baby care doctors are nearby. It will cost you several thousand dollars to do well pregnancy care and thousands more to HAVE the baby. Then after birth there are vaccinations and well baby care visits for the first year of your child's life, every month. You'll need time off from work, at least six weeks to two months, to recover from childbirth. Do you have that amount of vacation and sick time stored up?

Don't have any more unprotected sex with someone who is only your "boyfriend," and not your fiance' Unless you've known this man for a long time and could envision him in a long-term relationship with you and him sharing child-care responsibilities, don't have this laissez-faire attitude about having a child.

It takes loads of planning and money. If you are overburdened with debt, you need to get yourself out of it. You also need to evaluate your relationship and talk this over with each other. Are you ready for this on ANY level? You have a few more years to have a child. It's usually completely safe until age 40 unless you have some underlying condition. Women are generally having children these days until age 45 if healthy.

Weigh ALL OF THESE ISSUES before you find yourself painted into a corner of having to have an abortion because you, at your age, were being careless.

If you really want to be a parent, PLAN, full bore. Remove debt, for your OWN good, make sure about your relationship, also for your own good, then address the many, many details from there.

Get your ducks in a row. No horse before the cart!

[Asker]

We've discussed it and we know right now is not the right time with our debt especially with my debt.

It's why I've taken a plan b pill but plan on never having unprotected sex again until I know both of us are financially ready to have a child and are in a place where we are living together and engaged or married.

Everything you said here is so right and things I definitely needed to read. It would not be realistic to have a child right now at all. It would be detrimental for the child to grow up in a poor household especially when that household could be split. But he has said that we would live together if that ever did happened and I decided to keep the baby.

But I know I can't right now. I would have to have an abortion.

[Screenwriter]

It is so good you spoke to each other and made a rational decision. In a year or so, if you work hard at it, you might be able to wipe that debt out if you make the largest monthly payments possible. It'll save you loads of money on interest, too. Abortion is no fun. Avoid it when you can do otherwise. Ounce of prevention avoids any possibility of regret.

Though I am completely for your having a choice, this doesn't mean you're not ending a possible life. But humans end lives every day in wars, for being, possible, criminals: the innocent and guilty die. People do what they have to to survive. So avoid the worst case scenario.

Then after the debt is done, you can talk again about what you see as the vision for the two of you and how a child can be a part of that while it grows up with you. Do a lot of homework and plan the joy for your futures.

[Asker]

Thanks so much. I will do just that!

[Screenwriter]

Compliments. You've got your head on straight. Thank your parents too!!!

[Anonymous]

there is nothing to worry about until there is something to worry about. right now, you don't even know if you are pregnant. until you get a positive pregnancy test, then you can freak out. but right now, just chill out. stressing will get you nowhere because you truly can't predict the future.

when this passes and you're not pregnant, i suggest trying to increase your income, find a place to live together, and start working your way to becoming more stable (money wise and relationship wise).

now if you are pregnant, you two need to have a serious talk about what to do. that's your choice, tho.

[Asker]

That's true. Thank you.

[exitseven]

What you are thinking is nuts.

1) You are operating under the assumption that you and your boyfriend will eventually end up together.

2) Once the baby comes either you will lose your income or end up paying for daycare that will be probably more than you currently earn.

Get married first , make a plan and stick to it.

I was not making a lot of money when my wife and I started our family. At least we were married and we had bought a house. My wife quit her job and stayed home with our son. Thes was a decision we made before we got married. We did not want strangers raising our kids. Still we struggled every week. If we had to take our son to the doctors we could not afford to go to the supermarket that week. For Christmas I went in the woods and cut down a pine tree and we decorated it with ornaments my mother got from the department store she worked at. The store was throwing them away. We still have some of those ornaments and they are a reminder of how hard our lives were.

What will really happen is after the baby comes the two of you will break up and you will be raising this child on your own. It is not fair to the baby.

[Asker]

Thanks for the input and that's why I more than likely will get an abortion. It's not fair to either of us and it's certainly not fair to the child.

[exitseven]

Damn, can't you put the baby up for adoption,?
Recently I know somebody who had twins that were born 10 weeks prematurely. Years ago those kids would not have had much of a chance but the hospital had an excellent preemie ward.
They were not much to look at but one of them kept squeezing my finger. They really were little humans.
They are a year old now and doing great. That experience really soured me on abortion

[Asker]

I wouldn't do it if I could afford the cost of all the doctors visits during the pregnancy. I just can't afford it right now.

[exitseven]

Can't you go to some adoption agency? Maybe they can hook you up with a nice couple who would love to adopt your baby and would pick up the tab for the whole thinf?

[Asker]

I was speaking hypothetically. I'm not pregnant. If I was I would consider it but I'm not exactly sure. Being pregnant is a big responsibility too.

[exitseven]

Oh yeah, I just realized that. Yes, don't get pregnant.

[Asker]

I definitely won't until I'm ready!

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are some things to consider:

Cons:
- You both make pretty low incomes, not much room for a kid financially
- Debt is already a major issue for you
- Not living together means less support from his side in hands-on parenting
- Childcare costs like daycare would be very tough to afford
- Providing basics like food, diapers, clothes would be a huge struggle
- Kids are expensive - doctor bills, emergency costs, any needs down the line

Pros:
- You said you don't want an abortion so that's off the table
- Kids do bring a lot of love and joy despite the challenges
- Boyfriend may step up more if he knew you were pregnant
- You guys could find a way to make it financially work somehow
- Government assistance programs can help cover some costs

Personally, with your situation right now I don't think it's the best time to have a baby. It would basically make your already tough money problems way worse. Relying on others for help long term ain't a good spot to be either.

I'd say take some time to really think this through with your man. Be totally straight with him about the cons I mentioned. Maybe wait till you're both more stable. It's a tough call but gotta do what’s best for an innocent kid you know? Let me know if you need anything else.

[Asker]

Thanks so much! You are right with all your points and the cons definitely weigh out the pros. I will talk to my boyfriend if it comes to that and we will make the best decision for us and the child which would more than likely be an abortion despite me not wanting one.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem, I'm just glad I could give you some perspective from another guy. This kind of stuff is tough to deal with. Just remember that making the choice to have an abortion if needed doesn't make you a bad person at all - it shows you care about being the best parent you can be someday when the time is right. Your future kid will appreciate you putting them first even when it's not an easy choice. Hopefully your boyfriend will be supportive too. If you ever just need someone to talk or vent to, feel free to hit me up. You'll get through this!

[Asker]

Thank you. I certainly will!

[Asker]

And I appreciate getting your perspective as a guy.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem at all! It helps to get other perspectives sometimes. I'm glad I could offer a little insight as a dude. This kind of stuff is never easy to deal with.

Just remember that whatever you decide, own it with confidence. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about making the choice that's best for your situation. And your guy should support you 100%.

You've got this girl! Stay strong in yourself. And don't be afraid to dump his ass if he's not fully by your side, you know? You don't need that extra stress. But I'm sure once you lay it all out, he'll come through.

Let me know if there's anything else I can help with. And yeah, hit me back after you chat with him! I'm always down to listen. We'll get you through this sis.

[Asker]

Aww thank you so much. He's actually really supportive and would support whatever decision I make but I will probably abort if I am pregnant. I hope I'm not but we shall see. I really appreciate the support and will update you! XD

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem sis! I'm always down to help however I can. That's dope that your man is being supportive, that'll definitely make things easier. Hoping it all works out and you're not pregnant - but if you are, remember that aborting is totally valid and doesn't make you any less awesome.

And hey, shit happens sometimes even when you try to be safe. As long as you've got each other's backs, you'll get through whatever ends up happening. Try not to stress too much til you know for sure. Easier said than done, I know!

But you're clearly a strong woman and you've got this. I'll be rooting for you from the sidelines. Feel free to hit me up any time, whether you just need advice or someone to vent to. You've got a friend here for sure. Keep me posted! Fingers crossed for ya sis.

[couchweed92]

did he not pull out? lol jeez.
i’ve gotten 3 girls pregnant and with each one we decided it was best to have an abortion because of financial constraints. it’s unfair to bring a child into the world with parents who have no idea how to ascend from average jobs like retail, wait staff, bartending to higher paying positions like office jobs, managerial positions, or anything in the region. I have applied at a million places to no avail. if only i could’ve made it there already, i might have had beautiful children to raise.

[Asker]

No he didn't. I thought he would. But anyhoo, the abortion is probably the best option for us right now which I intend on carrying out if I am pregnant.

[RoseySarah]

Do not have unprotected sex!

Please get on something not condoms!

As a nurse who hears so many stories either give the baby up to adopt or jmuse protection!

The only pro is having like 6 kids and some governments pay you to raise them and adopt.

[Asker]

I wouldn't want to be on government assistance if I were to keep the baby but nor would I want to put my baby up for adoption. So the only other option is abortion.

[RoseySarah]

Yes and some women feel great power in doing that.
My cousin is a stripper and has done it 9 times.

[Asker]

That's insane 😳 9 times? Not trying to be judgey but 9 times is a hell of a lot of times to abort. That's abusing it and destroying your body IMHO and the reason why so many people are prolifers.

[RoseySarah]

Really agree but it's not hurting her body

But it is abusing it

Like getting a tattoo is stress relief for some

[Asker]

I wouldn't necessarily say getting an abortion is a stress reliever. It should only be used in cases where the condom broke, rape, or health related reasons to not be able to carry the child to term. Not just because I fucked around irresponsibly and just want to have one because I can. I really don't want an abortion and I probably shouldn't have one because I had sex irresponsibly and should suffer the consequences but at the same time I know that's not fair to the baby. To bring it into this world with parents who aren't equipped to handle being parents right now.

[RoseySarah]

So not fair for it

[Asker]

Yeah so my only other option is abortion unless I really consider giving the baby up for adoption which would be hard for me to do.

[RoseySarah]

Both will be so hard for you to do

[Asker]

Yes it certainly will be.

[jennifer_bloom]

I know guys that have newborn babies with that income. I am not close to them so maybe the wife or girlfriend had her own dowry to cover the cost of a baby and did not mention it, but if you are both lucky and good at budgeting, you do not need a lot of money. Since I live walking distance from a good grocery store and am young enough that I can survive on low calorie foods, I can eat for less than $15 a day.

[Asker]

Babies are really expensive though. The doctors bills, clothes, food, etc. are going to be through the roof. It's not enough IMHO.

[AngryCarl2]

I don't know what shithole country you hail from (no offence) but in the UK the government literally pays you to have kids. It's called Child Support, and it's meant to prevent kids from starving but it has the unwanted consequence of thousands of single mothers. True story.

[Asker]

We have that but it's super hard to get assistance if you reach over a certain amount of income per year which I do. I can't get WIC for instance because I make a little over the amount.

[AngryCarl2]

Then you're rolling in money. No reason not to have kids.

[wolfcat87]

If you two moved in together you would have far more extra income. I don't think we can tell you about benefits without knowing where you live. Kids don't care if they are poor. Adoption is always an option, you can even pick the family.

[Asker]

I thought about adoption as well. But I don't know if I could carry a child for nine months and not get attached. Also we talked about moving in together if I were to become pregnant and I decided to keep it. We live in SC so the income is much lower here than in other states. But the cost of living is relatively lower than other states which is one good thing. I don't know it's a lot to think about.

[wolfcat87]

You get extra money back every tax season for having a kid, it would probably cover a portion of their needs and you and your partner would split the rest. Your income is above the poverty line, so welfare programs wouldn't be much help.

[Asker]

Yeah I do know that about the getting extra money during tax season for your child but it's not worth it if you can't afford said kid without government assistance which I'm unfortunately unable to get like you said.

[Massageman]

You are at least 30. You really need to learn how to think through the consequences of your actions BEFORE you take them.

[Asker]

I know and I'm prepared to do what's necessary if it comes to that. But I'm hoping it doesn't.

[m33ladEmjay]

A condom is the best protection against having a baby.. If you don't do that? A girl has 14 different pills which she can take up to 3 months that kills the sp#rm!

[Asker]

Will do that next time for sure. This has scared me into being safer.

[m33ladEmjay]

The morning-after pill is a type of emergency birth control (contraception).. You can go to the pharmacy and buy a pill. THe sooner you do this the better..

[Asker]

I already have. Thanks though!

[animesenpai]

Having a kid you can't afford literally burdens everyone. Yourselves your family society and it sucks being a kid in a broke household

[Asker]

Yes I definitely know that. I was in a broke household growing up. Would never want my child to go through what I went through.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like it would be really bad idea

[Asker]

Yes it certainly would be

[Anonymous]

How do you have debt with 3k a month income, that's 6 months income for me and I'm debt free

[Asker]

I have a lot of credit cards I racked up over the years. Trying to pay them down but it's hard when you have a shopaholic addiction.

[Opinion Owner]

I know someone like that, bought all their jewellery and made out well on the deal myself

[jahaims]

You are too irresponsible to have kids

[Asker]

How am I irresponsible?

[DreamLife7]

You're 30-35 asking this question? 🤣😩

[Asker]

Yes I am. I see nothing wrong with what I'm asking at my age. It's good to hear from others what I should do in this sticky situation.

[DreamLife7]

😆😩😩😩🤣🤣🤣

[DreamLife7]

🤡lol

[Asker]

Oh brother 🤦‍♀️

[HelpfulWoman]

DO NOT HAVE A BABY.

[Asker]

Then abortion?

[Anonymous]

Pro: You're younger

Con: You're broke

[Asker]

Lol thanks.

[Opinion Owner]

No prob! It's going to be better by far if you at least are living together, so maybe work on that. You want to stay w/ this dude?

[Asker]

Yes I do!

[Opinion Owner]

Eh, then you're fine! Maybe get on bc if you're not ready for kids yet.

[Asker]

I suppose I will.

[Opinion Owner]

Good call! Also probably best to get married before having kids. How old are you both?

[Asker]

He's 32 and I'm 31.

[Opinion Owner]

Reasonable time to have kids then. How long have you been going out?

[Asker]

For six months now.

[Asker]

But we've known each other for 10 years

[Opinion Owner]

Oh okay. So long enough to know if you want to spend your lives together! lol! So. . . do you?

[Asker]

I do want to be with him for the rest of my life and he feels the same way.

[Opinion Owner]

In that case, if you DO get knocked up just have the kiddo, no? Also probably a good time to sort out when you're going to get married and move in.

[Asker]

Well I would if we were both financially stable. We just aren't ready to have one yet. But we will definitely start making plans to move in together soon and possibly marriage as well.

[Opinion Owner]

Eh. Between the two of you you're making over 70K a year. You're FINE!

[Asker]

Oh ok