My dad has a brain tumour and I don’t know how to feel?

[Anonymous]

Abit of back story, I haven’t seen my dad for 6 years. I stopped contact as he was controlling and possessive and have nothing but sad memories with him.

My step mum contacted my mum yesterday telling her that my dad has a brain tumour and is going for a biopsy in a couple of days, but if it is cancer then there’s very little chance he’ll survive. He didn’t want her to tell my mum, as he didn’t want me to know, and still doesn’t know she has, but she has said that if I want to visit to see him I can.

I’m obviously upset that he’s not well and could be on his death bed, but I’m nervous to see him again. He was the type of dad that got angry at me when I didn’t cry when I moved away from him when I was 12, so I feel like the visit will end in an argument, but I don’t want to regret not seeing him if he dies.

i know some people don’t know their dads or he walked out and never came back, and I understand if you feel resentment or anger that I’m contemplating this, but I have no fond memories with him and he caused me nothing but sadness through my childhood,.

[abc3643]

If you get a chance, watch the Season 4, Episode 20 of "E. R." titled "Of Past Regret and Future Fear".
In this episode, a man (played by Michael Rappaport) has suffered hydrogen fluoride burns. He will die that day. He was estranged from his wife and, sadly, his daughter. The nurse, Carol Hathaway, tries to get the wife to change her mind, but she wants none of it. So, the man dies without his family, but, before he does, he has Carol write for him a letter to his daughter how he is sorry about what he had done in the past (leave them) and how he wished he could have undone all that.

This is the only clip I could find but you really ought to see this episode.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rwKp4uM_wE

After seeing this episode, you will know what to do.

[slatyb]

I'm sorry you didn't have a loving father. See him or not, it's up to you. If you choose not to, then don't feel guilty about it -- you don't owe him anything. Make a decision that you will not regret. It might help you to talk through this with someone you know who is a good listener, or you could make an appointment with a professional counselor.

[AmeerX]

Your resentment may be unjustified since he kept contact with you. Your mom on the other hand has more right to the resentment but more importantly if you have been influenced by the resentment of your mom towards is something of a question

[Asker]

He hasn’t contacted me in 6 years, it was my step mum who contacted my mum

[AmeerX]

Still, he might have thought your mom won't let him contact you?

[TonyMetal___86]

Be someone better than him, in the end he's your dad, don't listen to what he have to say if it's negative, just go and see him!