Should I ask if I’m the father?

[Anonymous]

I recently became friends on facebook with an old girlfriend, I noticed she has a daughter. I think it’s possible I might have gotten her pregnant back in early 2007, the daughter looks to be the proper age. Should I ask or just leave it alone, she just said hi and good to see you again nothing beyond that.

[Billlewis]

Have you determined what the possible consequences may be? Will you have to assume legal and financial responsibility for the child, or does she have a guy who's providing for her?

[Asker]

She doesn’t seem to want anything from me, she is single and only has the daughter who I believe is 16 or so. I think I might be her father based on timing obviously and she looks a little like me

[Billlewis]

Then by all means I hope you can try to establish a relationship with them.

[rosemilk]

? does she even look a little bit like you?

[Asker]

A lot more like her mom, but I can detect a little

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, this is a tough situation. On one hand, I'd wanna know for sure if I had a kid out there. But you also don't wanna open a can of worms if there's no need.

A few things I'd consider:

- Take a good look at photos of the daughter. If you really think she could be yours based on looks, that's a red flag worth addressing.

- Think back hard on the timing. If you and your ex hooked up around when the baby woulda been conceived, that raises the question more.

- Consider how your ex might react before broaching it. Y'all ended on good terms? Or was it messy? That changes things.

- You could play it cool for now since she didn't say anything. But maybe if you start chatting more, work it into conversation gently like "I was just wondering, is there any chance I could be her dad?"

- Be prepared for it to possibly not go your way - she may not wanna involve you. So go in with an open mind.

Tough call, man. Trust your gut and go slowly feeling it out first before straight up accusing anything. Communication is key here so maybe you guys can figure it out together without drama. Good luck dude, let me know how it goes!

[Asker]

I could definitely be the father, based on the estimate of her daughter’s age. She is literally just a younger version of her, making it hard to tell if I could be the father

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, if this girl looks just like a younger version of you too, I'd say the chances are pretty high that she's yours. That's definitely something you don't want hanging over your head forever without knowing for sure. I think you've gotta just bite the bullet and bring it up to your ex. Maybe say something like "Hey, I know this is random but I couldn't help noticing how similar her daughter looks to me/us. Is it possible she could be mine?" Don't accuse, just ask calmly. She'll probably confirm or deny it right away. If she gets defensive, then maybe you've gotten your answer. But she might just be honest about it too since you're talking again after all these years. Not knowing would eat at me, personally. Better to find out the truth one way or another so you can decide how to move forward, if needed. Good luck man - really hope it works out whatever the answer is!