My father has been working in China for more than 20 years. When I was around 13, I accidentally saw his text messages with a Chinese woman at midnight and found he had an affair. I was really panicked, and all I could think of was to tell my younger sister about that.
I was afraid to tell my mom because I once saw her drinking and feeling like killing herself. She didn't know that my father did that, but she felt lonely that my father was not around her. Also he was giving her the cold shoulder whenever he came back home. I just didn't know what she would do if I told her the truth.
Fast forward to 2022, after the pandemic, my father came back home. Right before that, someone close to my mother told her she heard my father cheats on her and has a 7-year-old son with that woman. My mom got so disappointed and pissed off when she learned about the news.
And deep down I knew it must be true because I discovered he cheated years ago, which means I've kept this secret from my mom for 20 years till today. Later she confronted him about it, and my father admitted everything. I felt heart-broken and guilty. I keep thinking it's my fault because I chose not to tell her about the truth.
And now I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself that I can't sleep well and cry over and over again when I think about it. Am I a bad person for doing this? Should I tell her after so many years? I'm just afraid she'll be even more disappointed if I tell her...
I just feel so confused, and I really don't know whom I can talk about this...
