At some point my stepson is going to come and live with me and my Husband. What is my role in this little boy's life?

[sheikalana]

We don't have kids in common yet but I love kids in general. My stepson is a 9 year old sweet boy he loves his dad a lot and is a well behaved kid. I want him to feel welcomed and want him to feel that our house is a safe place.

[ohsheeT]

Your going to have a hard role to play.
. But depending on who you are it can be the best.

You have to be a teacher you have to be a guide you can't really discipline too much you have to show your love and you appreciation..

But if you do it right it will be one of the most gratified situations you've ever been put in..

A lot of step parents don't like that situation so they tried to control the child instead of teaching or guiding..

And that's what you're going to have to figure out.

You have to remember the kids just a kid you going to have to remember that he's going to have mixed emotions because you're not his mother and depending on his real mother and what she says about you you're put in a hard spot you have to balance it out

sometimes it's not going to be easy. If you don't already have children you're going to have to have patience you're going to have to have a beautiful heart.

You're going to have time with this child and depending on who you are it can either be the best time or the worst time you are the adult you have to see through everything that's going on but the best role you can play is be his teacher or guide in a loving kind way

[sheikalana]

Thank you for your words. I'm actually not panicking with the situation in fact I'm excited with the idea and I'm confident that we're going to get along. During the interactions that we had I really enjoyed hanging out with him. I do not expect him to see me as an authoritarian figure because that's not who I am as a person but I'd like him to see me as a 'friend' or an 'older sister' I'd like for him to feel that our home is a safe place for him and if there's anything he'd like to talk about with me I'm all ears. I will protect him as if he's my own child.

[ohsheeT]

Well with all those words I think you're going to be the best stepmom ever I think he's going to be a lucky guy

[sheikalana]

Awww I really hope so. It's really important for me to have a great relationship with him.

[ohsheeT]

Yes I understand that 100% for me as being a step son and also a stepfather at one point.
I remember going through a lot as a stepson how can you . Beat me with a belt and then tell me you love me.

And there's a step parent give that guidance and that love by being a teacher and a guide and giving that unconditional love is a beautiful thing.

But no matter what both experiences were the most beautiful because I learned something I learned to become a better parent the best parent.

Because I wanted to prove to my step dad that you do not have to hit yell or scream to get a kids attention and I did that in such a beautiful way and my kids are the best.

You're going to have many aha moments that are going to be beautiful and you're going to become a better person for it that's the beautiful part is when that child can feel your love and your commitment and your friendship all they have to do is look into your eyes and they will see it and feel it and then they become it and they will give it to their children.

[sheikalana]

That's beautiful. Thank you very much for taking the time to write that comment I really appreciate.

[ohsheeT]

Well I think you for having a beautiful heart and being a good person and trying to make a difference in somebody's life there are many people out there that get a new boyfriend a new girlfriend that have kids and they don't care about that they make it all about themselves and boyfriend or girlfriend and leave the kid out

People have to understand when you get into a new relationship with somebody if they have kids they're part of the deal and they have to be a big part of the deal is the way that I see it and you are making that choice and I love that you have a beautiful heart

[OtterMan68]

Supportive but firm. Make sure you and your husband are on the exact same page when it comes to discipline & priveleges. Praise him when he does well, but don't over do it so you're praising him for everything.

Let him know you're not there to replace his mom, and never, ever say anything unkind about her.

[alice55]

Being kind to him, not telling him not to do or punishing him this is his father job and for the rest then just ask your husband what he want you to do.

[sheikalana]

I don't think I could ever punish him I'm well aware that is not my job.

[alice55]

some step do it which is the worst things to do

[sheikalana]

I honestly don't see myself doing that. Is just not part of my personality.

[laly520]

just keep being nice n kind

kids know it when others r treating em good

[sheikalana]

I think he knows I'm someone he can trust. Whenever we lock eyes we smile at each other and whenever I look at him I feel this strong emotional connection he has my husband's eyes.

[laly520]

thats already a good sign

[Anonymous]

Being nice and speaking to your husband about things could definitely help a lot. I think with anything new it can be awkward st first but later on become a great relationship

[gorydetails]

You need to make sure you and your husband are on the same page as far as discipline and boundaries. That's critical. Let your stepson know he's welcome to come to you and you will support him on his terms. You won't force it on him.

[sheikalana]

I don't think I could discipline him he's not my biological child and I just don't see myself in that position. I feel that it would be wrong of me to do it.

[gorydetails]

well you can. It's your home he is living in, and you are an adult. He is a child. Children need discipline.

[sheikalana]

I don't feel that I have the right to do that. I'd rather tell my Husband what happened and let the two of them talk to each other.

[gorydetails]

Well you're starting off on the wrong foot. Look for the kid not to respect you.

[Jennz6]

@sheikalana I’m sure if he’s misbehaving your husband will spank him

[Kelly6]

@sheikalana act and be as his mother, do your best.

[KrakenAttackin]

Just be a positive and loving role model. You will have a big influence in his life.

[JacobJordan]

Depends. Where is the mom?

[sheikalana]

He currently lives with his mom in Europe.

[JacobJordan]

Then your role is to make sure his dad is happy and that he feels safe and heard. You do need to realize you aren't his mom and he is not your son and you can't treat him like you would your own kid. You can't force a relationship so don't stress yourself trying too just be there if he needs you. The rest will take care of itself

[Jennz6]

You are going to be his “Mom”