What helps you deal with a parent’s death?

Question

I lost my dad yesterday.

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

I’m so sorry, Ash. My condolences to you and your family🙏

My dad is still hanging on at 92, seems like he’ll go forever, but I’m trying to prepare myself for the inevitable. We lost my mom five years ago. Definitely about the toughest blow I’ve had to endure. It was sudden, too, so she was just here one day and gone the next, with no warning. She was 80, so it wasn’t a complete shock, but I thought she had more time.

It’s a crazy run of emotions you go through. A parent, half of the ingredients of “you”, is gone, and it’s just kind of surreal. I suppose the circumstances of the death can vary the way you look at it, and the nature of your relationship, but the common thread is that they’re gone, and that’s weird.

I remember when my grandparents died when I was a kid, and it was of course sad, but I was personally sad. It occurs to me I didn’t really consider how it affected my parents, and in my face, they were very stoic about it, and it was about managing my emotions about it. My maternal grandfather was the only one who lived until my adulthood (my parents are old, so they were old), and he became a bit of a headache to my mom and aunt towards the end, and there was more a sense of relief when he died. I was also off at college, so I want really there for it. I just got a cal that he had died, and that was that. I was sad, but I was like 22 at that point, I took it in stride. When the others died when I was like 10-13, that was more tragic to me. But I feel bad that I didn’t consider my parents more when they lost a parent, it was just lost on me as a kid.

I found some solace going through old pictures. You’ll shed some tears in the process, but you’ll have a lot of laughs, too. It sounds corny and cliché, but you really do have to “just remember the fond memories.” I had to put together a board of photos of my mom to put on an easel for her wake, and it was so cool to see old photos of her, and kind of made me see her differently, seeing her as a young woman, younger than myself at that time, and everything her life was, knowing how it would all play out. I felt like I had permission to see her as some random person, not just my mom. And that young lady was pretty fuckin’ badass…

What helps you deal with a parent’s death?

So, yeah…. dive into a family photo album, share stories with loved ones…it hurts on one sense, but it’s therapeutic in another. There’s no real blueprint, it’s just one of the worst events of most of our lives, and unfortunately it’s your turn at this particular moment. We just have to absorb the blow and keep moving forward, that’s just the way it is. But my memories of my mom have never been stronger, even years later. I’m not really a spiritual type, but there’s a part of me that thinks or at least LIKES to think that I can draw strength and protection from her when I need it. Real or imagined, that feels good in my mind and in my heart.

Keep your head up the best you can these next few weeks. Be ready for a rush of reality at the funeral, that’s when I finally broke down after holding it together a couple weeks. But you know…. an hour or so later, it’s over, you’re at the reception, eating at a restaurant, or something, sharing laughs with other mourners. I went to a concert the night of my mom’s funeral. And I had a great time. I knew she would have said “ohhh, don’t miss your concert over me, go and have fun”, so that’s what I did. And that’s what we all have to do, just keep it moving. Obviously take your time where you need to take your time, but just don’t let this shut you down. I don’t know the first thing about your dad, but I still feel confident that he wouldn’t say “Ash, when my time comes, I want you to completely crumble and shut down.”

You seem like a strong gal from what I’ve seen of you around here, so I know you’ll get through it. It takes a month or two to get past the shock, and there’s another sad period when the holidays roll around for the first time without them, but other than that, you keep moving the way you know they’d want you to. I’ll never forget my mom, I think about her and miss her every day, but it does get easier and you do get through it. These first few days can be numb or raw or both. Just truck through it the best you can.

Best wishes to you and your family🙏🙏🙏

DoggyDude · Accepted Answer

Remembering the times you spent together; Sharing those memories with other people who loved them. If you Mum is still with you, supporting your Mum through these tough times; Helping the family come together, being a peace maker.

Finally, allowing yourself to feel the loss in the company of a deeply loved partner you trust (or very very very close friend).

My condolences.

DarkCarousel · Accepted Answer

I’m so sorry. Today is the 7th anniversary of my mother’s passing.
Honestly, the first year feels like you’re just trying to survive it— to get through the year of “firsts” without them. You’re trying to just push through. The second year is almost harder because you face the actual realization that they’re gone. On the third year, I was confronted by the difficulty of my own continuance— “How the hell have I lived three years without him/her?”
I’ve found that the cycle of grief is different for everyone, but also very similar.

katiesmuff · Accepted Answer

Very sorry to hear that! Only time will make things better but you likely will have that sad spot forever. Just remember your dad would want you to carry on with your life and not ponder your loss.

Billlewis · Answer

You just try to focus on the good times you had with them.

exitseven · Answer

We really have not interacted much but I am really sorry for your loss. I was about your age when my father died, He was 70 and he died suddenly. I never thought of him as old. We had issues and were not very close but i was unemployed and he was about to retire and I got a shell fish license and I was going to take him clam digging and he liked his garden and one of my customers won the giant pumpkin contest at the local county fair and i got some giant pumpkin seeds from him. We were going to grow a giant pumpkin. He died before we got to do any of it.

When he died I was in grad school, training for a new career in IT. I was struggling with my courses and I did not know if i was going to pass my exams. I knew that my father would be telling me not to be a wussy and just study hard and pass the damn tests. So that is exactly what I did. I guess I felt better when I graduated and had a successful career in IT. I know he would be proud of me.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Oh sorry to hear about that circuis girl, i mean the only way to deal with it is to pray for him and to be aware that he is in a better place right now, since i believe that death ain't the end of life, it's just the end of a physical life, but STILL we will miss this person a lot even though we know that he's in a better place right now but because we will miss his presence...

You can also remember your beautiful memories with him and keep him in your heart and mind always...

At 1st it will be very hard but after some time, things will just adapt again!

May he R. I. P

Wiredone · Answer

I'm really sorry to hear that. It's very hard to lose a parent. I know, I've lost both parents. Just remember all the good times you had with them. He may not be walking on earth but he will always be by your side. If you talk to him, he will hear you and sometimes send you a sign to let you know that he's listening.

OtterMan68 · Answer

Both my parents were in their 80s, and neither death came as a surprise. Both lived long and fulfilling lives. Their children and grandchildren are successful. My son got to know both of them before their deaths.

My dad hit me harder as he was the first to pass, and when my mom's condition started to deteriorate, I had more time to prepare.

turnpost · Answer

Dont keep it bottled up. Talk to others, make conscious decisions to allow yourself time to vent pain when you need to in a healthy manner and understand the situation you have been through and forgive yourself.

There will be new things in life, cherish those with who are still around. (not the toxic ones though)

Still-alive · Answer

Sorry to hear it. take as much time as you need, there's no set time for how long you should deal with this loss and no one should judge you for taking as long either. we all grieve differently. just let it go naturally. it's gonna be rough but eventually you will heal and be able to move on. that hole in your heart may never go away but you carry his memory with you to help keep you going.

ab2shifty · Answer

First off, my condolences

I kinda know how you feel, I lost my mom when I was 8 and it sucked. But I’ve been just thugging it out ever since.

Your best bet is to just take as much time as you need. Think of all the good memories and yes, it gonna be tough but you’ll grow tougher over time.

RoseySarah · Answer

Lost my fokes together only thing that helps is thinking of the good times and being with friends.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I am sorry for your loss, and you have my deepest sympathy. How to deal with loss, just let it out if you need to cry. Don't hold anything in, and may God find healing within you and your family.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Omg ! I'm so sorry.. all I can say is time , be kind to yourself, you're not going to heal overnight. Did you expect hid death or was it sudden?  Keep busy, join local groups, work, gym, volunteer

Grond21 · Answer

I very sorry to hear that. I'll pray for you both.  You can't rush grief. You have to feel it, without letting it turn bitter

strateguy632 · Answer

that they in heaven, assuming they treated me decent.

laly520 · Answer

may he rest in peace personally I took time off for myself n took break from everything else travelled alone n focused on my mental health

Cutegirl06 · Answer

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. I can't imagine losing my mom or dad 😢

goaded · Answer

I'm sorry for your loss. Crying, especially if you've got someone to lean on. Time. I don't think there's a shortcut.

handsomelad70 · Answer

The 36 and 50 years, respectively that my mother and father were in my life.

BLP11520 · Answer

I’m sorry it’s very hard the first month. It took over 2 years to adjust to my mother’s passing. Lean on friends and family ❤️

normalice · Answer

I generally do all my mourning in advance.

NewgodOmega · Answer

Understanding that life always ends

TallAnon · Answer

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you'll be ok

ChefPapiChulo · Answer

Sorry to hear that friend.

Iron_Man · Answer

I’m so sorry to hear that. God bless you ✝️

eagle1951 · Answer

i wish I knew, Sorry for your loss.

euniestars · Answer

my condolences

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

It hasn’t happened to me so I wouldn’t know

MarkPayne · Answer

So sorry to hear about your dad.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

My condolences

What helps you deal with a parent’s death?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I am sorry for your loss, and you have my deepest sympathy. How to deal with loss, just let it out if you need to cry. Don't hold anything in, and may God find healing within you and your family.

How do you handle a death of a parent?

What helps you deal with a parent’s death?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I am sorry for your loss, and you have my deepest sympathy. How to deal with loss, just let it out if you need to cry. Don't hold anything in, and may God find healing within you and your family.

How do you handle a death of a parent?

We're glad to see you liked this post.