How do you handle a death of a parent?

[Anonymous]

[nolabels]

My dad passed at age 42 in 1970 from cancer when I was 11 years old.
I was devastated by the loss for many decades.
I loved my dad dearly and I know that he loved me.
Although there have been many people who knew him as a young man who have told me that he was handsome, very intelligent, and musically talented, among other qualities, there are also more than a few members of my own family who have been frequently critical of him in some ways.
Of course, my dad was human and not perfect, as I am human and not perfect, but we loved each other dearly.
Several years ago, my therapist, after hearing me talk for a few years about my dad, of our mutual love, of his (mostly female) admirers, as well as his detractors, my therapist made a statement to me that finally "fixed" the loss of my dad for me.
He said, "Bob, your dad was a good man".
Instantly, my aching of almost 50 years was healed.
I didn't tell my therapist of that healing moment for some months, and when I finally did, he didn't even remember saying those words, but he was glad that it helped me.

It's my belief that having another human being acknowledging my dad as I saw him, not just as talented, handsome, intelligent, or conversely, humanly flawed as are we all, but simply as being a good man was exactly what I needed to hear.
I still miss my dad, of course, but the 50-year-long heart-wrenching ache that I suffered with is no longer there.

My mom passed at age 98 almost two years ago now.
She lived a very long life.
I had prepared myself for her eventual passing for many years prior to the actual event.
Pre-grieving is what I'm told that process is called.
I've had no prolonged grieving regarding my mom's passing.

Love ya, Mom and Dad.

I guess that everyone's loss of their parents is going to be different in some ways.

I wish you the best of luck and blessings in dealing with your loss.
My condolences to you.

[exitseven]

My father dies very suddenly. I never thought of him as old and we had a strained relationship at the time of his death that I was trying to repair.

At the time of his passing I was in graduate school and really struggling with my grades. I did not think I would be able to do it. Somehow I was able to think of my father telling me to stop being a pussy and to study hard and pass the damn tests. I did manage to graduate and I like to think that he would be proud of me.

[Asker]

I'm almost in the same situation as you, thank you so much for sharing, I appreciate it so much. Take care 🙏

[exitseven]

Yes, I wish you well.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[ohsheeT]

L my dad died about eight and a half months ago my mom died about 7 months ago
They we're divorced he lives in Washington and she moved in with me 4 years ago because he had Alzheimer's dementia she was living with my sister and nephew my nephew was threatening my sister and my mom my mom called me and asked me if I'd help her find a place to live I told her no she was going to have to move in with me because she couldn't be on her own

I not only had to deal with both of their deaths but I had to deal with taking care of my mother and that was a disgusting the hardest job I've ever done in my life I was a little bit angry at my sister for not even showing up to help but it is what it is and I made it through it but it's very hard sometimes it's the little things that are hard because every day she would bug me and come and ask me the same question 25 times lol

But once they're dead and they're gone and you accept that it makes it a little bit easier not much I think in time it kind of dissipates and they're both always in the back of my mind

But when you lose them and you realize you're basically in this world alone I'm lucky I have two kids so so that's cool and my son just had a baby that's cool but still it's hard it's hard but you have to accept it and you have to talk to them each and every day and all I can say is things will get better I think it's something that everybody has to go through probably

I didn't meet my dad until I was like 29 and then I only went and seen him maybe about 5 or 6 times since then

I moved out of my mom's house when I was 16 and a half and of course Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners I would see her

I can also save this if your parents are in bad shape and they're going to pass soon if you have a good relationship with them and you love them you need to go see them because I know my mom didn't want to die alone and I can understand that and that's the reason why I did what I did but go see your parents and tell him how much you love them because when they're gone they're gone I'm sorry to hear about your mom and all I can say is that things do get better even though it doesn't feel like it cuz you kind of feel like you're lost probably if you need to talk let me know DM me I'd be happy to talk with you

[Smashingdoozy]

Well I personally booked a last minute plane ticket and traveled around Europe for 3 months 💁🏻‍♀️
But then I had to come back to reality and went to therapy to get some coping skills

[Asker]

how are you coping now? I hope you're okay, take care 🙏

[Smashingdoozy]

I'm okay now. It hurts obviously, it always will but it gets easier with time

[Nikki1989]

Don't suppress your feelings. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, guilt, or any other emotions that arise. Let it all out.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I wouldn't know but my condolences for your loss tho

[Hellraiser1984]

If it was my father I'd jump up and down and party.

[In_Trance]

one day at a time