Is she a narcissist?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend. I met her when I was 14 and she was 42 (horse people, so not super abnormal) She was my only friend for years due to my abusive parents isolating me. Is she a narcissist or am I crazy?

• Tells you you did things you know you did not do
• Calls you a narcissist when you don’t put them and their stories 1st
• Says you start drama and stir the pot when you hardly speak to anyone
• Constantly “plays both sides” if you are dealing with another person overstepping boundaries and gossips about you
• Constantly talked about her success then tragedy that took it away, but when you look back, timelines don’t add up and people she mentioned she was close to have no idea who she is.
• Constantly invalidated your experiences
• Extremely condescending
• Only spoke to certain people when she needed things from them
• Claims to be some rare miracle case in most aspects of her life
• Builds you up then immediately pounces and destroys the confidence you gained
• Extremely controlling over your dating life, new potential friendships and goals

Yes

No

[HollyK21]

This woman is basically mothering you in her own, strange way. I don’t know if that is her intention or if she’d even agree, but with such a big age gap I think she looks at you more like her daughter and less of a friend.


Especially due to your relationship with your own parents, she met you at 14, probably feels like she helped raise you. Anyway, the solution for this is to start setting boundaries. Right now she has no more respect for you than she would her unruly child.


She needs to understand you are friends, and you’re an adult. Start making changes, whether it’s standing up for yourself more, correcting her when she makes a jab, or even just creating some distance from her in general. Hopefully she will get he hint and back down a bit.

[Asker]

See the issue is. Anytime I attempt to set a boundary, it’s either agreed on then completely obliterated a few days later or she tries to convince me that I am crazy and dangerous due to the trauma I went through (she says I black out and hurt people, which I 100% know is not true)
Any attempts from anyone (not just me) to stand up to her she just finds some way to completely shut them down.

[HollyK21]

If she’s that toxic to you, then please cut her off. I don’t know what you’ve gone through in life and if it gives you a hard time getting away from her, but I think it’s time to take control of the situation. You have to be very protective of your energy and who you allow into your life. Maybe she was a good friend to you at some point, she might even have times now where you appreciate her. But over this has become toxic and unhealthy for you. You come first.