Is it bad that we want our mother to die because we’re tired of doing caregiving to her?

[Anonymous]

Everyone will probably hate me for this post but just hear me out.
Okay so our mother has lung cancer. She got diagnosed last year but it was stage 3. Four months ago, it spreaded and said it’s stage four. It broke my siblings and my heads so bad. A year ago, our older brother became her caregiver. Mom wasn’t very fussy and was easy going, not she’s more fussy, argumentative, my brother would tell us she screams at my brother that he put her diaper wrong in all. Even when we tried to help it’s disgusting. I mean we love her but she is suffering very bad. We feel bad that our brother is the caregiver so we took turns taking care of mom. Her cancer spread and she is declining very fast. Her cancer is terminal. We’re so heartbroken but we’re spending a lot of time with her. This is going to sound very blunt and harsh but we just want her to die. We want her to just die peacefully because we want her to be in peace and we all want to be in peace. Our friends stopped coming over and inviting us because we’re always talking care of our mother. Our mother even told us to go out and have fun with our friends. We told her we were staying with her, but she wasn’t taking no for an answer so we did. But after all that, they stopped inviting us. We haven’t been able to go anywhere fun because you’re always taking care of her. My brother complained that he doesn’t get to go out, travel or live his own live but he’s sacrificing for her own mother. Our aunt came to see her in the hospital and always prayed to her. She talked about going home with Jesus. Even mom kept saying, “Jesus, Jesus….”
Or “Go with god”. I guess she wants to go home with God even know it hurts or are so bad. We just want her to die so we can all be in peace. We can’t take the caregiving and all that anymore. Our brother would stay up late with her because she was bitching about her diaper or her laying on the wrong side of the bed. The doctor said she needs to be in hospice. We call cried so hard.

[WindAtMyBack]

This is not as unusual as it might seem. Being a caregiver like that is HARD, and it tears families apart. It's so common that I assume there are support groups out there where you can read and talk to others going through the same thing. Do a search and start talking to people, or at least read.

Don't feel guilty about it. And don't listen to a bunch of people who have never been through it. They don't know what it takes, or how they'd react. Find a support group now, and stick with it after your mom is gone. You don't want to carry that guilt around with you the rest of your life.

It's going to be some rough going until she is gone. You have strength. But you also have to allow yourself to be human. Know your limits and don't judge yourself too harshly.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. We love our mother and we wish she can get better but she’s dying and the leukemia is killing her. We’re heartbroken that she’s dying but we just want our lives back and want to be in peace. Even our mother wants peace and she kept saying she wants to go home with God. We just want her to die already. I only say that because we don’t want her to suffer and we wanna take her suffering away. She doesn’t deserve it.,

[jimmy2]

Ok there a number of things going on here.
Number one you are in Caregiving
That dangerous around anyone who comes into a home. Why because by law anyone sees abose or allegedly abuse the Adult Protective Services will home in and you may be hauled off to prison.
There a Living Will that when 2. Doctors agree you then can remove food and water.
I'm a hospital you may request 2 doctor to look in and if they agree they will allow end of death there.

How do I know this? I took care ofy wife for 7 years with MS
Soon I have built a service from church who will send church members into a home like yours to do house work.
Caregiver can get PTSD because all the hell and emotions.

[NotTacocaT6969]

My mother has been consumed by dementia and can’t even live at home anymore she’s so dangerous.


As far as I’m concerned she’s already dead and it would be better for everyone if she was dead instead of being a very expensive zombie…so I agree with how you feel.

[DarkLegacy]

You are as sick as her. Proof of how selfish millennial women are. You do not deserve equality

[Asker]

Wow I’m sorry you had to go though all this. I’m happy your mom died too. If she’s dangerous that her death is probably for the best.

[Asker]

@DarkLegacy: Shut up! She had every right to feel that way. If her mother is dangerous or everyone and if she’s dead then that’s a good thing.

[DarkLegacy]

@Asker you shut up sicko, does that count for you and your future partner and kids then. Something wrong in your head

[RedInnocent69]

@DarkLegacy but for the grace of God, you don’t have an aging parent suffering a chronic disease. Don’t be such a dick. You’re not proving anything.

[DrPepper12]

@DarkLegacy you lack all empathy

[DarkLegacy]

@RedInnocent69 has already happened, my dad had cancer. No excuses, she is being typical woman

[DarkLegacy]

@DrPepper12 For selfish modern women yes

[NotTacocaT6969]

She isn’g dead.

She’s 51 shitting and pissing herself, almost setting herself on fire any chance she gets and trying to wander aimlessly to starve to death in the woods.

She is in a nursing home after she almost burned my house down several times, put herself in a diabetic coma guzzling sugar at 4am, threw herself down the stairs several times and many other disturbing dangerous things.

@DarkLegacy cancer is not comparable to dementia and you’re an ignorant twat for even comparing the two.

We show more humanity to our dying pets than our dying parents and you’re a prime example of who is supporting that unnecessary prolonged suffering.

My mother is BRAIN DEAD. It is NOT my mother anymore, just a human corpse ruining all memories of who my mother really was.

[leahzrc]

She brought you into this world. I think she would feel happy dying and feeling she was loved

[Asker]

Yeah exactly

[TonyMetal___86]

You're just contradicting yourself, you have 2 choices, either dump her or take care of her and sh*t up!

What kind of a sane and good person wishes death for his/her mom 🤔

Okay, she's going to die and there's no hope and all that, also it's very hard yes i agree but that's what love is all about, be there for the person you love till the last breath and no matter how hard it gets, do everything that needs to be done from your heart till the last second, cause god is seeing everything!

By the way, i'm sorry that you have to deal with all this and may god ease things on your mother!

[Asker]

I no! You don’t understand! We don’t want her to die, we just don’t want her to suffer anymore

[TonyMetal___86]

Believe me i understand what you're saying, been there done that with my late father who had diabetes!
Took care of him till the last second but i never thought about why does he die earlier, i always wish if he's still here, i knew that he was going to die but refused to believe, i didn't care for how much time i'll take care of him, i just wanted to keep him with us as long as i can, he was suffering and his organs started to shut down one after the other, also he got his right leg toes amputated and his left leg from knee down amputated too, a lot of mess and suffering and without mentioning paying thousands of dollars for nothing in the end!
All i cared about is to keep him alive as much as i can, now 10 years have passed since he died, i still think some times of him and wishes if he was still here 😔

[DrPepper12]

Nope! E ery caregiver had thought that and if they say no they're lying. I don't hate you, I admire you for the reflection, self doubt, loathing and confused ness that this situation requires. I'm proud of you!

[Asker]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. We love our mother and we wish she can get better but she’s dying and the leukemia is killing her. We’re heartbroken that she’s dying but we just want our lives back and want to be in peace. Even our mother wants peace and she kept saying she wants to go home with God. We just want her to die already. I only say that because we don’t want her to suffer and we wanna take her suffering away. She doesn’t deserve it. Her death will be the most heartbreaking thing we’ll ever go to though, but we will be relieved. No more late night fights, changing diapers or mom’s cranking and bitching. Wish she was easy to deal with. Mom is a handful and yells at us when we don’t get things right. We prayed to god to take her. This is tearing our friendships apart because our friends quit contacting us.

[DrPepper12]

I M a FIRM believer in "right to die" laws and voluntary euthanasia. It's barbaric and sadistic to make a terminally ill life form suffer. I can't believe that needs to be said in 2024. 🤬

[abc3643]

So what would you do if you have a child that has problems and needs that level of care or more? Wish for it to die too?

Believe me, your mother would be happy to be in your position. She's dying and and that is getting her very upset along with the pain that she feels. That would make anybody angry and unpleasant. All you have to do is put up with it for a while. Pray that your kids don't feel the same way about you when you are dying.

[DarkLegacy]

I guess karma will get her but good pints you make

[Asker]

Okay that’s very harsh. We will be crushed when she dies but she is suffering and it would be selfish to left her live and stuff because we want her too. We love our mother

[DarkLegacy]

@Asker you are actually complaining about people being harsh. Snowflake much

[Likes2drive]

She needs to be in hospice, they give her drugs to ease the pain and it slowly makes her die but peacefully, lots of people have gone through this, that’s why they have places for this because no one is able to deal with this and not feel the way you do, my mom went through the same thing but it wasn’t lung it was breast cancer

[Asker]

I know but it’s so hard! 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

[exitseven]

Can you get the locsl Visiting Nurse in or find some help. You guys need a break.

[Asker]

That’s a great idea. Thank you

[Jackblue]

It is ok to feel like that some of the time, just try not to mention it to your mother. Then we she does die try to remember the good times rather than the bad. People claim that this generation doesn't care about their elders like they did in the old days, in the old days people had two advantages 1. the ratio of young people to old people was greater, so the burden could be shared more easily, 2. People didn't live as long without being able to take care of themselves.

[Jackblue]

sorry, "when she does die"

[DarkLegacy]

Th e younger generations only care about themselves and woke rubbish and hat on older generations who built the world handed everything on a plate to the selfish and ungrateful, snowflake younger generations.

[Jackblue]

@DarkLegacy When it came to rioting and pillaging the boomers were way worse in spite of the fact that wages went much further in their day then in modern times.

[DarkLegacy]

Bollocks did they. And they had less money then any generation, they had to fight a war. Everyone was destitute at least in the UK and most Europe they were

[Jackblue]

@DarkLegacy www.ier.org.uk/.../

[DarkLegacy]

I do not need to read anything on that link, i know more about my own country thank you and my dad was around during the war so jog on.

[slatyb]

No, it's completely normal. Lung cancer is a horrible way to die.

[DarkLegacy]

Congratulations for winning troll of the year award. Just yet more proof that millennial and Gen Z are the most selfish and ungrateful generations there has ever been and deserve nothing that want or campaign for.

[DarkLegacy]

And you should be the main caregiver because you are the woman

[Jackblue]

You are a millenial, and why should she be the main caregiver?

[Asker]

Woman? Sexist are you? Okay I think millennials are very selfish and ungrateful! No wonder gen x is called the greatest generation. Gen z isn’t selfish and ungrateful! That’s harsh. I’m gen z. We don’t want her to die, but she is suffering

[DarkLegacy]

@Asker i know you are Gen Z and the worst generation is Millennials. But most of your rant was all about you really. She is suffering more and it is not forever.

[DarkLegacy]

@Jackblue Thanks for pointing out the obvious and i gave my reason

[Asker]

Aren’t YOU a millennial? Because that explains why your generation is the worst. You’re just nasty

[DarkLegacy]

@Asker so are you nasty

[Anonymous]

Thats not correct this is one human in life that took care of you, that carried you for 9 months through pain that always see that you are fed, the very one who spent sleepless nights with you as a baby, spent every moment with her until her last trust me you will feel good.

[DarkLegacy]

Yes she has something incorrect in her head like most women

[SotiCoto]

No. You're cruel for not having euthanised her yet.

[Asker]

What the hell?

[RedInnocent69]

Sad but natural. 🤗🤗

[DarkLegacy]

Yes wanting someone you are related to dead is natural. Sarcasm intended

[RedInnocent69]

@DarkLegacy caregiving is extremely difficult and stressful for caregivers who have very little support of their own. Imagining, even fantasizing about the inevitable end IS natural. Don’t believe me? Look it up or ask a therapist.

[DarkLegacy]

Like i said i did for my dad and for work. I know better

[RedInnocent69]

@DarkLegacy ah, so you’re just arrogant and self-absorbed. Got it!