Am I bad for thinking I’ll be happier when my mother is dead?

[jennifer_bloom]

She has hated me and my dad ever since she married into the family and gave birth to me and has been trying to sabotage my life ever since I was a baby. She tried to murder me by convincing my dad to deny me medical treatment when I had a disease for 6 years and she tried to make me fail my classes in school by telling me I was stupid and worthless 200 times a day, if God let’s me mother into heaven, than God is guilty of criminal activity and as bad as any jail convict you see on the street. There is no way God will let a monster like that in heaven. She has a brain disorder but my dad is trying to delay her death with medical treatment but hopefully she will die before she gets it.

[Fireguy17]

I have to go with not really.
I do not know you or your mother, but I have seen a lot of really bad parents out there.
So whether or not your mom is one of them it is really one of them, or that you would miss her when she is gone.

[richardcory]

Not all parents are good people. If her death will make you happy, that is OK. Your hatred of her will not actually cause her harm. Obviously I can't judge whether that hatred is deserved

[WindAtMyBack]

This is a touchy area. Parents are people, and not all people are good.

It's understandable that you feel the way you do. But I'm not going to say it's good. Even though it's understandable, I think it's bad that you feel this way.

You asked if *you* are bad. The answer is no.
Is wanting her dead bad? Yes.
There is a big difference between a bad thought, and being a bad person. You are not a bad person for thinking this.

I'm not religious, but I know you are. Remember that forgiveness is not for the good, it's for the bad. What negative affect has she had on your life? Part of who you are is because of the influences in your life, including your mom. So how did your mom become the way she is? It's because of the influences in her life - the same reason you are who you are.

If you can learn to forgive, then you can begin to heal. If you hate and wish her dead, then she will continue to affect you negatively long after she's gone. It's a heavy burden to carry around the rest of your life. You might not be ready to forgive her now. And that is OK. But at least try to understand that she is who she is for the same reason that you are who you are.

She was an innocent child once, just as you were an innocent child once.

"Only when you become as little children shall you enter the kingdom of heaven".

Only when you strip away all the influences in the world that made you who you are will you be truly innocent. It's the same with your mother as it is with you. Understanding this leads to forgiveness. Understand that she didn't choose to be who she is. Just like you did not chose to be who you are. That understanding will lead to forgiveness.

It might be hard to do at this point. But maybe someday you can cry for the loss of the innocent child in your mother, as you cry for the innocent child in yourself.

[RealMarek]

I think there is a difference in being happy because someone is dead and being happier because a person who was dragging you down can no longer do so. The former is bad, the latter is not.

[DiegoO]

Not good for the soul to wish death to someone. Best thing you can do is stay far away from her, and don't wish her anything. Just stay away from her, for your own good.

[Pharaoh46]

How one feels about their family can be a complicated thing.