Should I forgive my mom for saying she hopes I die?

[Anonymous]

Backstory, I've been a mostly functional alcoholic since I was 18 (now 26). I've been hospitalized with alcohol poisoning three times but never had incidents or been violent, I just drink and sleep.

I detoxed two times but relapsed, and my mom during an argument said "Please hurry up and die, I'm just waiting for that". She said this while crying and immediately regretted it and said she didn't mean it, but I think she really meant it. Thoughts?

Updates

+1 y

Hello update for you
I stopped drinking five months ago, my mom is happy now and said she didn't mean it but was really scared of losing me

[nolookingbackx]

What your mom said was extremely hurtful, one doesn't forget such things... But it's true that people can say some horrible things they don't really mean when they're in despair... I think that it's better to forgive. Forgiveness heals our soul, it's simply good for our mental health to let go. Forgive for the sake of the future. It's still your mom, the only one you have. Was she always mean to you? I guess she was beside you during bad times, so it's better to focus on that and remember the good things and why you love each other. This is all you have. Would it be right if a couple seconds destroyed everything that was good?

[kylee2437]

I don’t think that’s what she meant. Addicts don’t understand the underlying pain and suffering they put their family through. I am mentally scarred because of my brothers and mother’s addictions. My brother has stopped and I am so absolutely proud of him for overcoming that part of his life, and I’m so glad that he can function again to experience the fact that his family truly loves him. You need to understand that what you are doing is most likely making your mother suffer in the most terrible way possible. I was suffering majorly and hurt when my brother chose the path he chose. I felt like I was never going to get him back as a brother, and now to imagine if that was my son, I think my life would be torn apart. Your mother does love you, just most likely have just caused so much pain and hurt from your current life choices

[Asker]

But I don't live with her anymore and rarely speak to her, I don't see how I can affect her
I live on my own and work and pay for my stuff all by myself

[kylee2437]

@asker you are affecting her in some kind of way but aren’t noticing , as most addicts don’t really understand what kind of damage they are doing to others around them

[kylee2437]

But on a more serious note, she wants the son that she loves back. When she passes away you are going to regret the fact that you didn’t sober up for her sake.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, she meant what she said. Alcoholics are extremely selfish and never think about all of the misery they cause to those around them, and she is just so tired of your shit that she wants it to end. Wake up and realize the effect you have had on her life. Think about what it takes to drive a mother to the point of making that statement.

[Asker]

But I don't live with her anymore and rarely speak to her, I don't see how I can affect her
I live on my own and work and pay for my stuff all by myself
She has no place in my life because I have my girlfriend

[OlderAndWiser]

So you are older so she is supposed to forget that you exist? Really? Is that the way motherhood works?

[Asker]

Well she used drugs when I was a kid, she was worse than me so she can't judge

[OlderAndWiser]

So that means that nothing you do can hurt her? Is that how it works in your world? Two wrongs make a right?

[Anonymous]

She probably said it due to being fed up of you being negligent with your health.
I don’t think she meant it as you mention she said it whilst crying- we tend to overreact when angry/upset.