How to stop letting your family control your life?

[megzs16]

What advice do you have for people like me who struggle to please their family? I am a grown woman, but I greatly struggle to appease my family because I'm afraid they will cut me off if I don't. My family is highly judgmental, and they live with high standards. They believe you need to have a high paying job even if you aren't happy doing it. I am happy with my career, but they are constantly lecturing me on how I can do better. They believe they must approve of the person I marry. Even if that person treats me well and makes me happy, they will have a problem with him if he doesn't share their beliefs and values. He must make a certain amount of money, and they aren't fond of tattoos. My father told me that if they dont like the person im with, they'd still love me but that I'd have to separate myself from them. They want to be involved in pretty much every aspect of my life. I love them greatly, but I'm tired of feeling controlled by them. It's made me feel like I can't do the things that make me happy and date the people I want to date without them criticizing me and making me feel guilty for not meeting their standards. Have you had a similar experience, and how did you overcome it? I really need some encouragement. I feel very alone and lost.

[Anonymous]

I’m not even going to read all that. You’re a grown woman. Grow so “balls,” stand up for yourself. You’re about halfway through your life cycle, do what makes you happy. You can’t please everyone. Eventually they will be gone. You’ll still be here living your life unless something doesn’t play out right in your life. Will they cut you off? There’s a good chance that yes they may. But does that mean everyone else in your family will do the same? I doubt it. It may take not talking to them for a while for them to realize how stupid they’re being. I get it, it’s a hard thing to do because let’s say you do stop talking to them for a while then your mom or dad dies. You never got a chance to talk to them. But at the same time that was their choice. You said they’d cut you off. I’m pretty sure you’re not going to cut them off. You may need some therapy though in learning to set boundaries.

[slatyb]

So what if they cut you off? You can't control them. Have you considered counseling to learn how to set boundaries with your family?

[provokeesmokee]

Boundaries.

Honestly, I need to recommend a therapist for this. Because I've struggled hard to learn to establish boundaries myself and my therapist helped me more than I can explain.

This will take time, and will not be easy. But you can have and deserve to have your freedom from your family.

[jahaims]

Let them cut you off. You are a grown woman. Stand on your own two feet

[Sasquach]

Whoa and I thought my issues were bad. I take it you never went through the rebellious phase?

[Danny_dan92]

“Hey. Leave me alone”

[eagle1951]

tell um to back off