If you have children with someone, should that person by in your life forever?

[Anonymous]

In my opinion if you had consensual sex with someone resulting in pregnancy, and decided not to abort it, that person should always be a part of your life somehow.

[RebelinSteel]

I’m saying no, with some caveats.

They don’t have to marry you live with you or anything.

The child is a different matter, yes they should 100% be involved in your life but also in a non arsehole way.

For example, the girl wants nothing whatsoever to do with you but you both agree access. She meets and marries someone else, you still have access but you both act like adults and don’t do stuff like just before a family holiday ask to visit and take the kid away (I’ve seen this happen).

You have access to your child and both need to support it, emotionally, educationally, financially and morally.

the other part, assume the mother decides to put the kid up for adoption, are you prepared to be the sole parent, the de facto single dad?

Also the abortion side of things, she may wanted to but was unable or persuaded not to, that really really breeds long term resentment, again I’ve seen that happen with someone I know.

its great you want access to your kid, however that does not grant access to the mother and when the kid reaches a certain age, they have the right to decide if they want that access to remain.

[RingOfFire]

Absolutely. Both parents have both an obligation to be in the child's life and an obligation to allow the other parent to be in the child's life to the fullest possible extent.

In order for that to work the parents have to cooperate with each other. So there has to be some kind of relationship between them for the rest of their childrens' lives.

[provokeesmokee]

Ideally, yes.

But that isn't only your decision. The other parent and the child have a say - if they don't want you around, you gotta respect that. You can fight for your right to see them, but recognize that comes with consequences: paying for and supporting the child (and maybe even the other parent).

This also doesn't need to look like monogamous heteronormative marriage. Coparenting - healthy coparenting - can have many different forms, each suited to the unique dynamics of the people involved.

So it is really fantastic if you can be part of their lives - which is exactly why respecting them and their boundaries is vital.

[Anonymous]

Duh , children are forever.
You’re basically forced now to be in that person’s life forever whether you like it or not. It’s your responsibility as a parent. And a child needs both parents present in his/her life.
Yeah you can hate your ex, but the child needs both parents. And raising from both parents.

A child isn’t a pet that you can gift to someone , or abandon at a park. It’s a whole human that needs instruction and is vulnerable. You HAVE to be present whether you want to or not. Whether you’ll see your Ex or not.

[Anonymous]

If that person is participating in the lives of the children, then there will always be some connection - even if it is just a co-parenting relationship. Until those kids are 18, it would be understandable to maintain consistent communication with the other parent, for the sake of know what's going on with the kids, and arranging schedules, etc. However, once those kids are on their own, it shouldn't be expected that the parents maintain that same level of communication.

[Asker]

I can’t imagine not talking to someone I had children with. Maybe a lot of this way of thinking comes from the cost of childcare without the baby boomer economy.

[Asker]

Also 18, people aren’t moving out until much later especially here in California. It’s just from a different time.

[Opinion Owner]

I get that - I personally would want to have some kind of friendship with the other parent if I had children and were not with that parent anymore. Unless we split because he was abusing me, in which case, the only communication would be around the needs of the kids. However, not every relationship ends well, and each parent has to decide what is best for them and their own scenarios when it comes to whether they will maintain that relationship or not.

[strateguy632]

false, parents should be involved with each other n child until child is old enough. in west that is after high school age 18. until.

[Asker]

That’s trashy.

[JacobJordan]

They should be. Thing is that would require women to be accountable for who they spread their legs for. Which they don't want to do. Most of the male population would be happy to be with a woman they had a child with.

[avery58]

Of course. Even if you separate when the child grows up they'd probably invite both of you to holiday dinners etc

[Kayayy]

The inly way I'd say no, us if the baby was a product of SA/rape.

Other than that it's a yes

[Anonymous]

If I'm forced to pay child support, I should be able to connect with my children. The mom should not be allowed to block me or use the children as a weapon.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yes.

[sheikalana]

Absolutly!