Making new friends as an adult is hard?

[Anonymous]

Hello guys! Recently I found myself to be a bit lonely, I became few months ago single and have a small group of friends and want to find new ones. The problem is that I work full time and, besides going to the gym, the majority of my hobbies are "for loners" (reading, gaming etc.). Also i find hard to meet new people as in my age (35F) people have generally their own steady groups of friends or are busy with family/kids. Do you have any suggestion in how I could meet new friends or can you share your experience if you found yourself in a similar situation and how you changed it? Thank you! 😊

[MrOracle]

It's harder because people in relationships, and especially those who have kids, tend to have different lifestyles and run with like crowds of people than single people. Also, a lot of people who are single don't build a social life, so they don't meet people organically, like they did in school or perhaps at work when younger and were around a lot more single people.

The fix for this is to build a social life for yourself. Yes, that takes time, effort, and money. Not necessarily a lot of money, but definitely some.

Make a list of local, coed activities in your area and then rank them in order of interest. Maybe a book club, bowling league, movie club, or whatever. Then, get involved in at least one, but better two of those activities. The idea is to do each activity at least once a week.

This way, you are doing an activity that you enjoy (or at least come to enjoy) while you build new circles of friends. You will quickly find a couple of people at the activity that you click with, which is the goal. Sure, maybe you find a date directly, but don't count on it. Building a new circle of friends is the real key, because over time, you will meet THEIR friends, and they can vouch for people or steer you clear of the ones you should avoid.

You should make at least one new circle of friends from each activity, but sometimes you can create several new friends circles from a single activity. The more you grow those circles, the better your chances of finding a quality partner.

[MrOracle]

I should add... this also helps you actually have circles of friends - people who you might enjoy spending time with even if they aren't your romantic partner. There's a lot of positives when you do this.

[ProbablyClueless]

Generally speaking, you'll have to make a change if you want your results to change.

I've actually found it really easy to make friends as an adult. I do it by working out in the morning and then scheduling my social events for the evening.

I have to go to bed by 9:30, but it's really not much of a burden on my lifestyle.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm in the same situation atm (minus the recent breakup part because the last girlfriend was ages ago) for much the same reasons (reading, gaming, drawing, anime, research, etc.).

Its easy to find people, and I keep trying to make new friends, but most people are just so annoying or dumb or not relatable hobby wise. I don't have a solution to it because the only social hobby I have (gaming), has become a normy hobby, so its hard to find friends who enjoy games that actually require the level of skill that older games did, and most of them aren't nerds/geeks/intellectuals unfortunately.

Even harder is finding ones who are artists and atheists on top of that. Otherwise I just can't relate to them and conversations end up shorter and shorter until I just get bored and exit the friendship because I'm off doing my own thing most of the time anyway to stave off boredom.

I don't want to waste my precious social time on people stuck in a dull routine that never opens me up to meeting anyone more compatible (I prefer people who like small friend groups, so if they don't work out, they aren't going to lead me to new friends, and so I cut ties with them and start over).

If you are like me and most of your fave games are invite only or just unpopular, it makes it even harder.

[coxoabean]

Ya, I feel like it has been harder for me to have friends as an adult. All my friends work, we don't really have time to hang out. I have made a few friends at my local grocery store. I just usually try to start a conversation with people then we become friends

[JonesT10Apr]

do you like to have friends in real only?

[coxoabean]

@JonesT10Apr no, I like friends on the Internet too

[Insecure2]

Making New friends as adults is really hard. Most people make friends at work or, like the others here suggested, by joining various clubs. I AM currently trying the same. I started attending a Book club and dance classes. Recently, someone told me that a good solution is to regularly frequent a cafe, pub or restaurant that you like. There might be a chance that you can meet someone with similar interests. If you happen to find a successful way, just let me know, ok? 😉

[MrGenuine]

If you have a family member that you get along with pretty well and lives close by, perhaps you can start hanging out with them and meet some of their friends?

Some communities have "game dens" sorta speak. You mention gaming as loner thing but if you could find one of these businesses then perhaps you can go there and meet people that share you interest in gaming but still want to "get out of the house"

If you are looking for friends of the opposite gender, then try a local hot spots known to be LGBTQ+ friendly. I have made several life long friends by doing this.

[Iron_Man]

Unless you work at a real big company with a lot of people around it’s hard to make friends and especially if you’re not in school any longer. No one wants to go up to strangers and say hi let me introduce myself. You give out good vibes so I would like to become your new friend people just don’t do that.

[KostasKouvalis]

When people become adults they start having responsibilities, so their schedules are often full. But also, usually adult friends already knew each other before they became adults. If you're an adult, it's difficult to break into someone's existing circle.

[Staximus]

Like others said, joining a club or group that meets up in real life is good. Like whatever you're into, there is probably a club for it. Or you can go take classes or do group activities. That gets you out of the house and hanging out with people who have a shared interest.

[Paul09]

I feel you. I get lonely a lot. Most friends have families, so less time. But also for me it's money the problem. Or I'd join More classes, groups etc. Which is a good way to meet people. So most of the time it's work and go home for me. And I do not get the see that many new people. Then there's my social anxiety I have to keep fighting. In the end do have to make ourselves uncomfortable and try new things, talk to new people.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

As for me I always say if you want to meet people you have to get out & greet people so go for a walk, signup for a 5k or step out of your comfort zone & do something you have never done before. Talk to people & have fun.

[DishLady]

Meh... it can be. I'll tell you, it's nice to have folks you know since childhood because they know your tells, but sometimes you can also find a kindred spirit as an adult and that's nice also.

[Nikki1989]

Not really. I spend more time rejecting people for friendships that anything else. I could be socializing 7 nights a week, but I just don't have the time or the energy.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

You can take classes or befriend your neighbors, if you live in a good neighborhood. I'm friends with almost all of my neighbors, from different age brackets. It was great.

[Unit1]

It is quite hard, yes.

The system/matrix has enslaved us with wage slavery we call employment, leaving us with little time and low money.

Going to places and being in places costs money and time. Guess what we waste it on?

Becoming less dependent on employment (ideally not at all) is key to unlock further possibilities.

[Phoenix98]

I don’t really seem to have much issue with it honestly I can get along with most people and I myself am very laid back and easy to get along with for the most part.

[dustybiker2]

Best bet is joinjng some form of class. It will be a common bond with its members. Book club, art class, yoga, cooking or something.

[exitseven]

It is hard. Most adults are too busy working and raising kids there is no time for friends. I am working on this myself but it is hard.

[written_in-the-stars]

Making friends after studies is really tough in my opinion. I guess you could join a club or community.

[MrDaveAPSI]

Making friends is easy

Keeping them, is another

[KrakenAttackin]

So you divorced your husband and now feel lonely.

[Asker]

So you think it's better to stay in an unhappy relationship just for company?

[KrakenAttackin]

How about you adhere to your vows and work to improve the relationship?

[Crazzyyworld]

it's an evil world.

[dolemite58]

Friends are overrated

[BenSkinner1998]

There’s friends groups on facebook

[AdolfWasRight1488]

Yes. Very.