How can I fix my relationship with my brother?

Question

My brother hates me so much, can't even look me in the eyes and he's very hostile, his life ain't much, he never dated and no friends, he never stayed in one job more than a few months, he's very anti social and hateful, i also believe he hates women as I caught him many times watching violent videos against women.

He's 27 still living at home, i have an older sister that he hates the most since they were teens, he wish her death, they haven't spoke to each other in a decade ! what's wrong with my brother? any hope?

RavVid · Accepted Answer

Hmmh. His relationship with your mother. Good/Bad? Father present during childhood?

Are there any other siblings he is OK with?

He is obviously not filled with love for his two sisters. Siblings don't necessarily become close. But where you are obviously going he has a dislike of the feminine. I'm not sure that we have much chance of shedding any light on this.

Something that I am thinking is that in recent years it has become quite possible that a boy never establishes a relationship with and adult man. Divorce can severe the relationship with the father and after that every teacher he has had was probably female throughout all of school because there not many male teachers left. There used to be a number of social structure for boys but they have been destroyed.

I don't know if any of this pertains to your family but it was my first suspicion. Looking back into the past can you see a time which would signify a change?

Overall I think he is as he is at 27. To change he would need to want to. Usually puberty does that :)

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Sounds like your brother has some serious mental problems and it sounds like he needs some professional help , if he is that much of an asshole , I know it’s your brother , but you and your sister are best to just ignore him and go on with your lives , and act like he doesn’t really exist, if he constantly treats you like shit , just ignore him and pretend he isn’t there , let him come to you but don’t go to him , once he realizes you and your sister don’t pay any attention to him he might have a change of heart but if not , oh well that’s his loss and his problem. Some people are just pure assholes that hold a lot of anger and resentments towards people for no reason whatsoever, if he tries to confront you , just tell him the truth that he is an asshole and tell him the truth he is rude and disrespectful toward you and you don’t want any part of it.

Daniela1982 · Accepted Answer

Why is this loser still living at home. His ass should have been kicked out years ago, just because of the way he hates family. You never know when this hate can turn physically violent. If you feel threatened you can file a restraining order against him. He will be limited to not getting within 50 ft or more of the house. That means he has to get out and the sheriff can help move him if they need too. He is just creating a hostile living environment for all. I doubt this can be fixed. He needs counseling for sure. CHARTER MEMBER STATUS

Alwayreckles93 · Accepted Answer

OK what is a 27 year old grown ass men living at mommy house? He is a dager to everyone else. You never know when out of nowhere he will attacked. I have an older sister that is mentally unstable. Last time I saw her she jump right at me. Luckily the neighbors call the cops on my sister if it wasn't for them who knows I wouldn't be here. Yeah your brother is a danger to himself and everyone else around him. I don't understand why some people never tale mental health seriously.

Anonymous · Answer

Based on your description alone; Sounds like a man who's been frustrated in his desires and feelings with women; Possibly as a direct result of his actions and behaviours towards them, and likely he's not put two and two together and feels somehow a "victim" of women generally (at a very crude guess based on what you type).

However, that said... you see how you painted him here? of course you may just be reflecting the truth of what he's like (or your experience with him), but then maybe if everyone is reflecting our worst traits the world is a worse place right? Think about that (try to find the best in people, and help them be their bests)

So, step 1, for you, learn who your brother thinks he is himself and turn off your critical mind enough to see him as he sees himself. Let him talk, and spend several visits where you just listen to how he sees himself, asking only questions (not loaded opinions) to understand. Get a good, picture of how he is from him, don't critique, don't try to help, just listen and try to "get" his headspace.

This might be unpleasant, though maybe you'll learn who your brother really is too.

Make sure you ask him within his feelings on the matter. If you feel something goes beyond the pail, for example he reflects some kind of joy for violence toward women in a clear and frightening way, just reflect back to him what he's said and ask him if that's how he meant it (aka give him the chance to realise how what he says is seen). If he reacts either offended or shocked, good, but he might feel you twisted his words. So, take the time up front to present it back as he says, say something like "okay, not sure i'm following, you said does that sound like I've got it?". So he gets a chance to self correct before you make any attempt to maybe correct or assist him. We all need fixing, and the only way anyone can help anyone else is to truly understand their position first. If though, your brother has become genuinely dangerous, do keep yourself safe and don't stay around if he's scaring you. I hope though, its just a matter of understanding a very different world and maybe giving him a chance to better understand its him as you get a chance to find someone worth knowing there.

Anonymous · Answer

“ his life ain't much, he never dated and no friends, he never stayed in one job more than a few months, he's very anti social and hateful, i also believe he hates women as I caught him many times watching violent videos against women.
He's 27 still living at home, i have an older sister that he hates the most since they were teens, he wish her death, they haven't spoke to each other in a decade ! what's wrong with my brother? any hope?”

Maybe seeing your brother from this skewed view is keeping you from having a loving connection? Just a thought…

Makeushiver · Answer

Could asking him directly help? Something along the lines of, "you've seemed discontented for awhile. I thought it was with me specifically but recemntly it seems to include other people. Did I do or say something to upset you?" Even with a question that direct he may thave ry to convince you that you are misinterpreting things. If that's the case, call him on it when he does say or do something thaty indicates his unhappiness you could tell him that what he just said where most people would make most people infer that he is angry. If he tells you that tell him that it's not an attractive habit and maybe suggest seeking professional help. There are some cases of emotional and/or mental disorders like schizophjrenia or psychosis wait until late teens top mid-twenties for symptoms to become so promnounced that they become undeniable.

HawkPerception · Answer

You seem to have a very low opinion of him already, so that is definitely the main cause for the lack of a relationship you have with him. Maybe get off your high horse and stop being so judgmental. Try and get to know him and his thoughts on life. He probably picks up that you and your sisters have low opinions of him and doesn't want to associate with anyone that thinks lowly of him.

Reichsadler · Answer

Hope always exist. I had same situation with my brother. Making trouble and forcing people like that is not solution. I and my mom didn't force him to find a job. We always had hope. And also we have prayed so much with patience during this process. Finally he found his job a few ago.

Just be patient and avoid troubles. And don't be hopeless.

Jessikaah91 · Answer

I think you should play womaniser by Britney Spears to him! I don't know if that's a relationship I'd want to get back especially if he's so hostile all the time!

Nikki1989 · Answer

You don't need to. Move on, you don't need him.

DishLady · Answer

It seems like he’s got a lot of stuff to work out on his own. It’s not about you… not something you can fix. He needs to want you in his life.

Anonymous · Answer

Well I’d say to start off by figuring out why he’s like this. Maybe you and your sister got all the attention growing up or something. Did you guys treat him bad?

DrPepper12 · Answer

He needs to want to fix himself first. There's nothing you can do until he realizes there's rock bottom and that he needs therapy.

LUCY8888 · Answer

Observe if he needs your help. I have a friend who is a very negative person and complains every day, I feel tired and want to help him but she doesn't listen at all! I realised it only made me unhappy too so I gave up.

Staximus · Answer

He needs to go to a psychologist or something

Anonymous · Answer

Have your parents take him into therapy get him help try to fix the relationship. Have family group counseling as well

OddBeMe · Answer

Sounds like it’s him problem. Just let it go. People have short memories,

Anonymous · Answer

You can probably start by not judging him. It's pretty obvious how much you hate him.

Jason2469 · Answer

Your brother is very smart. He should move on from you dumb bitches and move up

Anonymous · Answer

Nope, he can't love others until he learns to love himself.

boggboss · Answer

You can't hevsounds like he needs therapy

MrGSpotHer · Answer

Is he a psychopath or something?

noohair · Answer

He could wind up murdering you or your sister.

mayurr · Answer

Maybe he had been treated badly before.

How can I fix my relationship with my brother?

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