No one cares if I leave social gatherings early. Do other people notice the same thing about themselves? I feel so worthless?

[Bethany22]

I hate social gatherings with strangers. But even people who I visit with on a monthly basis that are at these gatherings don't beg me to stay longer. So that means no one at these gatherings craves my existence (I'm the one who has to keep conversations going both with friends and strangers at the gatherings). And the friends I only see on a monthly basis it's because they like it that way. They text me to do activities that they want to do. They never come along to my activities just to spend time with me, as I do them. I want to be through spending money just to spend time with people who couldn't care less if I'm there or not. But I can't find anyone who cares.

[DishLady]

To be noticed when you're leaving you should be noticed when you're entering and then make a lasting impression as the event unfolds. If you're not engaging anyone in any way then why would they connect with you or be aware of your presence/absence at the event?

I've talked about this in different posts, many about the way one comports themselves in general. Walk in with a small gift for the host/hostess (usually something modestly appropriate for the specific occasion), smile and greet a few people... if you don't know them, say "Hi, I'm __... and you are? Oh, nice to meet you. How do you know (the host)? They always have the nicest gatherings..." Even if you are just passing through to get to someone you know... and even if you don't remember their names... you've just made a positive impression on someone through simple conversation.

Look confident, upbeat and positive during the event. Don't drink too much. Don't sulk in a corner and expect the universe to recognize you and bring you the attention you claim you want. Go get the attention you want. That's how that works.

Personally, no, I've never had a "French Exit" (where I just vanish without any parting word). I do the "Mediterranean Exit" (moving around the room to each person I know well for a staggered goodbye and a few last words... I have to start the round of goodbyes about 30min before the time I WANT to leave... I end with a big hug and compliment to the host for another wonderful event... blah blah blah... if I'm with a +1 he's usually shaking his head at me for being too social).

[Bethany22]

That makes sense, thanks 🙏

[DishLady]

NP. Good luck.

[Crimsyjo]

I understand that. I think it's hard when you feel lonely and sometimes that means we have a skewed perception. People perhaps are used to you leaving early and think it's your thing. They don't want to pressure you to stay. And they invite you to things because they value that you are reliable and you do go to their invites. If they didn't like you they wouldn't invite you. But your loneliness is probably making you closed off? And that can make you seem less sociable even tho by coming along you feel sociable.

Maybe try reaching out and actually opening up to some people? Tell them how you feel (in a one on one convo not in group setting). Maybe they will surprise you telling you how they viewed it (that they thought you needed to leave). And make an effort next time to reassure you to stick around?

If you still feel ghosted maybe it's rime to work out things you enjoy and go by yourself and work on your confidence. I go to a club by myself. At first I was really awkward feeling. But I started "faking" confidence which has turned into real confidence and strangers compliment me, talk to me or dance with me. I'm still working on finding a friend base to hang with who are single and similar to me (energetic at my age lol).

Life is a work in progress. You haven't finished becoming who you can be. Keep choosing how you want your life to look and make small steps in the right direction.

[Bethany22]

Thank you!

[DJB72]

The bad news is nobody cares.

The good news is it's not personal. They're just stuck so far into their own existence they don't think about it. It's a part of the human condition where we all think everyone wants to avoid us, when actually everyone is too busy putting up a front for everyone else.

Find two or three people who you can trust to be there for you through good and bad and you're ahead of the curve.

My best mates have been there for me and me for them for over 30 years now. There's a few I've known longer, but none I trust more. We live on different continents now but I could call any of the three of them right now and I know they'd be there for me and vice versa. Social gatherings don't mean shit when the chips are down.

[dreamstar72]

I’m the same as you, because people treat me as if I’m a ghost. Sure they will talk to me if I do most of the talking. It all happened one month after I turned seventeen. A popular kid suddenly becomes a ghost all because I was in a bad freak home accident. I lost all my friends, my family, and my girlfriend and her family. All because I was supposed to be dead, since I lived they still treated me as if I was dead. Also my accident was the strangest six months of my life, well the first three months was spent figuring out who I was. So just start enjoying your life with a smile and have fun besides being a ghost is kind of fun.

[Bethany22]

Wow! That's so sad 🥹 sorry that that happened to you

[dreamstar72]

I hope you find that special someone who will treat you special. You are young smart beautiful person so it should be an easy task to find that special someone. It took me almost 5 years to find someone that saw me as being alive and real. by the way thanks for caring and so smile 😊

[Cutegirl06]

That doesn't mean you're worthless. Maybe find friends who have the same interests as you do.

[worldscolide]

If I were in your shoes I'd not care what anyone thinks.

For example, my wife is autistic, she has asperger's syndrome. We occasionally go to social gatherings, but only stay as long as she can handle it, she doesn't do well with crowds. She's getting better, but there is no way on this green earth I'd ever make her stay somewhere any longer than she is okay with, I couldnt care less what anyone thinks if we leave early.

You gotta look out for you. Don't care what others think. You're not worthless simply for wanting to exit a social situation.

[OfMiceandMen]

Your in the friend rut. Sometimes, friends move on they have bfs/gfs etc., get carried away with their own existence/life. You need to make some new friends that are in the same boat. You will have more to discuss, likely find they care more about you and have more interest in what you've been up to.

We all go through the changing friends stage at one point or another.

[HawkPerception]

It's nice to feel desired or wanted, but part of being a mature adult is knowing to accept when people want to come or go. If you want to go, it's your own choice and people shouldn't have to fight for you to stay and spend their energy like that. If they're not telling you to go, then just stay if you're having a good time. If not, then leave.

[katiesmuff]

It doesn't have much to do with you in these cases. Your at a function with lots of people generally nobody is paying any particular attention to any guest (unless of course they are someone of some kind of fame).

I'm pretty much a chatty cathy myself and never seem to have any trouble staying in conversation with many different folks when at an event with lots of people around.

[Makeushiver]

I think most people are so preoccupied with themselves that they barely noticed what other people are doing and when they do notice they immediately get back to being preoccupied with their own stuff.

[zagor]

What do you expect, people to beg you to stay? Most people at social gatherings would assume someone has a good reason to leave, or is just tired of being there.

[TommyMountainFigure]

As far as worrying about being noticed if you leave events early, consider that a blessing. I'm the total opposite of that. If I'm having a bad time and I leave early, I get grief from lots of people afterwards, and trust me... That is NO better!

[Amy10223]

I never take that personally. Most people are talking and having fun, so if they're too busy to say goodbye, then it's not them, it's the place they are at and parties can get noisy, so they might not even hear.

[loveslongnails]

Could be those people are doing you a favor because they don't sound like folks you really want in your life.

[Anonymous]

nobody cares when I show up or if I show up. when I do I just take the free food and drinks and leave

[Kelley1]

I am certain people notice; just not the one you wish would notice and, in your mind, the ones that notice don't count.

[Sarah2007]

I would say you have to pick the right people to be around, true people who not wait you to leave to talk behind your back.

[RHK36]

That's not how life works. The person that needs to care the most about a person is one's own self. If you love yourself then you won't feel the need to seek validation from others.

[JonCobretti]

"If your absence doesn't affect them, your presence didn't matter"

Stop giving a Monkey's left nut about them

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Bethany, don't feel bad, I feel the same way when I leave social gatherings early.

[FunkyMonkee]

How do you know they don't care if you're not there to see that they don't care?

[Bklynbadboy12]

I don't know about everybody else bit I'd care if you left you seem pretty cool like you'd be a lot of fun

[PeterLegg91]

Fuck them spend time at gathering with people that too

[Anonymous]

At least you get invited to social gatherings

[Jennz6]

Arrive late, leave early

[shortster]

You need to find a different social group

[luvstoned4him]

Bottomline : You need to get new friends

[NathanDavis]

well, it's a party... the point is to party

[MrGSpotHer]

I would lovely lady