Am I being unreasonable to not let husband take our 3 year old child to visit his family in a different country?

Question

My husband wants to visit his family abroad with our 3 year old. I am unable to make it due to work commitments.

I have met his family before and they are nice people, however his home country is a third world country and I just don’t feel comfortable with my child being away from me.

Am I being unreasonable to tell my husband that this isn’t happening?

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

You're being unreasonable because you chose to marry him, knowing he is from that country and has family there. When you marry someone you become part of their family and you cannot just pretend that isn't the case. Unless his family were dangerous people themselves then that's another story. But even in that case you'd be foolish to marry him unless it was clear he agreed with that opinion and wanted to protect you & kids from that family.

About your important job: I think it's hilarious how you women will make that claim as an excuse to avoid something you don't want to do. You're probably not even the main breadwinner in the family. But if a man is the main breadwinner he is told by women that he needs to put family first! Imagine if a man just worked all the time and never made time for anything his spouse thinks is important family time. She'd leave him eventually or start cheating cause "he doesn't love me". Funny how double standards work.

But let's say you just never let the kid visit the grandparents in the other country. When they get older, 100% chance they will tell 50+ people or more about how they never got to know their grandparents because you didn't allow it. Just a fact.

bobby_bush_eater · Accepted Answer

I think that could be a great experience for the child. As a first generation American if I did not go to my father's country as a child I wouldn't have met many of my cousins and would've missed a lot.

I barely remember the first trip we did (I was 4 or 5) but as I went back more growing up I now am planning on moving there.

Admittedly my ancestral homeland is first world. You didn't name the country (probably better that way for privacy) so, I don't know how dangerous it is.

Ultimately you are the mother, you and your husband need to have open conversation about this. Be a bit more open to his perspective and gently push how this makes you feel

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You knew this day was going to come, because you knew he was from a 3rd world country and that’s where his family is, yet still chose to marry into this situation. I’m not sure what difference you being there or not makes, you won’t want your kid to go regardless, no matter what age (under 18) they are. So now the question is how can you come to a compromise? Your husband has just as much rights to his child and wants them to meet that family. You believe that if you’re not around he can’t keep your kid safe?

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

Let me ask you this:  What's the most important thing?  Your child and marriage?  Or Your work?  If it were me, I'd tell my boss I have a family-related commitment and I need to go. If you boss can't understand that and make arrangements, you need to get a different job, girl. The issue isn't your husband and this travel situation, it's a job that is so rigid and inflexible you can't leave the country for a vacation with your husband and son. Just my perspective...

HawkPerception · Answer

My opinion is you are being unreasonable. He'll take care of your kid just fine. They aren't gonna die immediately just because it's a third world country and your husband knows how to get by there. It's only fair that he wants his family to see his child.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Not at all you must protect your kidsat all cost. You are a true good parent. People are fake they pretend to be one face ad when they're alone with the kids they are evil monsters. You have every right your husband can go alone but the child stays.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Depends on the country, I guess, but that does seem a little bit unreasonable, yes.

Your child is going to that country with his/her father. It's not like this is some stranger that's taking them on an immersion program.

There are 3rd world countries that I wouldn't want my kid going to though.

Anonymous · Answer

"They're nice people" but racist blah blah blah. Just say what you really mean. You don't trust any of them because you're a white (American I am guessing) lady and they're all minorities. You'll be busy working and the kid will be with his/her dad and grandparents. So it's not what you say it's about ans yes, you are being unreasonable. It's his kid too by the way.

KelsoAlexander · Answer

yeah you are, just be cause its a third world country doesn't mean anything when it comes to spending time with family. Besides your husband is gonna be with your l kid the entire time and if the family picks them up then there's even less to worry about.

Avicenna · Answer

You are being completely reasonable and, furthermore, you are entirely within your rights. Who wants to deal with a corrupt legal system in another country that won't protect your parental rights should your husband choose not to return.

BonzoInBitburg · Answer

You're being unreasonable. It's his child too and there's no good reason why he his family shouldn't spend time getting to know his kid. You're being very selfish

Summeroflove · Answer

If it’s a third world country that’s dangerous it’s not unreasonable. But you can’t stop him if he chooses to do it

exitseven · Answer

It depends on the country. If it was France or England it would be okay. If it was some middle east country, forget it.

SotiCoto · Answer

You were being unreasonable to marry and spawn with someone from a 3rd world country. Now you're just suffering the consequences of your bad decision.

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

If you need to work, its the best if you leave your child in your husband and family care.

meepmeeperton · Answer

That's what you get for marrying a third world immigrant...

OddBeMe · Answer

I think that’s a little young and if you have worries that should be discussed. Were I him I would just wait til he’s older before flying overseas…especially if it’s a third world.

NYlatefun · Answer

Sounds very unreasonable, it's his child too, his family and his country. If you don't trust him, then you have a much bigger problem.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Nope. That is a method often employed by those who are planning to leave and never return.

noohair · Answer

My wife took my daughter to the Philippines 7 times while she was young.

Anonymous · Answer

No. Ever seen the movie "Not without my daughter"?

jahaims · Answer

You don't trust your own husband.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Do you trust him? Itll be fine!!

In_Trance · Answer

Yes you're unreasonable

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Why not go with them if your worried m

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Yes, unless you’re having relationship problems.

Am I being unreasonable to not let husband take our 3 year old child to visit his family in a different country?

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