How do you or did treat your son growing up?

Question

Did you baby him or were strict?

Universaldance · Accepted Answer

I was actively raised by both my parents. I’m the middle child in a formerly traditional household. My parents separated as I was finishing up high school but were decently proactive about me and my siblings.
My sister’s age was 13, I was 12, and my brother either like 6/7

Most of how they treated us were based on older traditional values of the girl does the inside house chores and learns to write the checks and more admin type stuff (sis actually works as admin now for the moment). The boy would go and learn the yardwork and all sorts of things around the house, enough problem-solving, resourcefulness, and Do-It yourself skills to be useful in any area in the future. So lots of free service to others, helping neighbors, real laborious work to learn to make money and survive for whatever happens, so much discipline and very little sitting around. I learned what tough work looks like enough to NOT want to do it for 40-60 years for another man.

Outside of this, the way I was treated as a boy was to give great efforts in school and to dedicate my time to studying… for the purpose of pulling scholarships to help continue education towards a high-paying profession. I did not work hard enough for any scholarships. I was mostly an A and B student and going through school up to senior year I was mostly a procrastinator As Bs and Cs because I knew I could get at the least average scores- always based off the rubric.

I could share much more but most of the way I was treated as a son centered around the relationship goals my parents shared with one another. Their first big goal they shared was to get a working visa as immigrants to come to this country and eventually become citizens to be able to raise the kids in America where they have more of a future. No matter how much I have always resented my dad for pulling me to do all kinds of errands (I didn't know it was discipline and preparation) … I always appreciate more of the hard work he has had to do from when he was age 8 growing up without a dad in another country to help his mother raise his 6 other younger brothers and sisters, cooking and cleaning, needing to constantly tend to stuff around the house. Him never finishing school but all his siblings did. He even lost a few brothers but I dont rem more of the details about that. And their second big goal was to encourage and support us all to finish school. After this there have been no more of their goals that I could see besides being present (quality time) for any one of us and a support role as well

A big lesson for me is now as I've matured through the years is that I could see a lot of the fixed mentality my dad has had over the years. That even as stuck in their thinking as they are or were we as kids should always stay mindful and humble because we will never know their full upbringing or see the bigger picture. It may seem like its for them but it may pertain to our future as well. It may be a lesson we’d need to learn for our sons and daughters and generations to come. We are all making mistakes and pretending to do the best we can with what we’ve learned and the cards we’re dealt.

Much love

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Don't have a son, but I'd be a parent when I need to be and a friend when I need to be as well. I don't want my kids to ever feel like they need to hide stuff from me. I'll give them advice when they want it and an outlet to talk to, but also be a little strict with some decisions they make.

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

I didn't have a son when I was growing up… I still don’t.

Anonymous · Answer

Are you asking from a man or a woman? Because the role a father plays in their sons life is VERY important. I'm not minimizing the mothers. But only a father can teach a son to be a man. Much like the mother as a father your son needs to know you love him and will protect him. You're his safe space. But as a man you're his model of what a man should be. A man teaches his son respect not only for himself but others, and what his basic role is in this world. There's an old saying as a guy. "You're not a man till you father decides you are". And a son reaches a point where he is either given it or tries to take it.🤣 It all kind of depends on the father son relationship. Some are more testosterone fueled and combative then others.

AviatorTom · Answer

I have two adult sons. I'm their parent, they are my sons. Neither was babied nor were we very strict. Good parenting is somewhere in the middle, adjusting for situations as they arise.

exitseven · Answer

I had two boys. The thing that I was amazed at was how different they were. I tried to treat them both the same and was not successful. I had to treat them as individuals. A practice I continue today.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

If I had a son, I would have treated him like free-range chickens..."go out and explore the world". The same lessons I taught my daughter.

tfan1 · Answer

A mixture of both. He’s 12 now. Wife said I was supposed to be the strict one. But he respects me, and she won’t put her foot down and lets him get away with stuff until I step in.

Ladsin2 · Answer

I’m not a parent, but boys need both. Freedom to make mistakes and learn so they don’t stay children forever, and a steady hand to prevent them from going astray.

DJB72 · Answer

I'm his dad. I push him to reach beyond his comfort zone.

DrPepper12 · Answer

I've found that there is a very amorphous, porus line between support and enabling and that my wife and I vehemently disagree about said line

MrGSpotHer · Answer

It would be 50/50, but I'd rather daughters probably if I'm allowed to keep the bad types of guys away

Alpp035 · Answer

In some situations, I would allow him to make mistakes so that he could learn from them

Serkee · Answer

I didn't have a son growing up :^)

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Vasectomy! No kids for me

DarkLegacy · Answer

I do not have a son

dean53AU · Answer

Never had kids, so I'm no use lol

andy530 · Answer

I try to treat him with respect and empathy

impalabill77 · Answer

I have no kids.

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