Would you stop seeing a family member?

[Anonymous]

I had money (significant amount) stolen from me via my nephew who has multiple behavioural issues.

He was actually banned from convenient stores in his area from a young age (before he even attended school) because he was stealing so much. He also stole from the other side of the family.

Despite his multiple issues and known history, my family did not initially believe me when I explained he had stolen. I had to leave some money out to catch him thieving because noone believed me. Even then they insisted I lost it. Bizarre.

He is not young. He is a teenager. So in my mind this makes it all the worse. He gets everything he wants and I have brought him many gifts in the past.

After I caught him stealing from me I told everyone I will not be seeing him again. Noone in my family initially agreed with me. It's been stressful. People keep telling me he feels bad. I just think he feels bad that he got caught. I don't even have a great paying job, and he knows this.

Would you have done the same?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a really tough situation. I totally get why you don't wanna see that nephew anymore after he stole a significant amount from you. That's so disrespectful and hurtful, especially since you've been nice to him in the past.

I think you made the right call cutting him off. He's old enough now to know right from wrong and that his actions have consequences. Just cuz he's family doesn't mean he gets a free pass to treat you that way. And if this is an ongoing pattern of stealing from other family too, then there's obviously a deeper issue there that your presence alone isn't gonna fix.

I'd stick to your decision for now. Maybe with time and if he really shows genuine remorse and changes his ways long-term, a relationship could be rebuilt. But right now he needs to understand that stealing breaks trust, and you can't be around someone who would betray you like that. Don't let anyone pressure you into rugsweeping this just cause "he's family." You gotta protect yourself first. Sucks it came to this, but some boundaries need setting here.

[Asker]

The problem is, his behaviour is never gonna change. The biggest concern I have is that he is very sly. I know that sounds awful to describe him as this, but it's true. Just before he steals he is extra nice and quiet, and well behaved. He does this to gain trust so that everyone lets their guard down. He also came up with an excuse as to why he took the money. He had thought out a
excuse that he was trying to help me 😂
It was hilarious to hear his "reasons" but people were actually considering it to be true for a short time. That's the baffling part.

Whenever I pointed out sly things he was doing in the past (and there was a lot), noone would believe me. Instead they would believe his fake persona. Which is crazy to me, because he has such a history, that it stuns me to think that "one good day" and people forget the years of stress he's caused. I truly believe people do see through it, but I am at the bottom of the hierarchy of the family and have been my entire life. That a child with multiple problems, causing chaos daily is believed above me who has never done anything wrong.

On the day he stole money from me, my family members were looking around the house for it, as if I'd lost it. Despite the fact a week ago he has stolen something expensive right Infront of a camera, which he knew was recording him. Of course he got caught for that.
I don't have a list long enough for all the awful things he's done, and all the lies he's told. Yet still, if he's quiet and behaving himself then the list is erased. Worse still, anytime I discuss his lies and devieitful behaviour I am accused of trying to make him sound bad.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang dude, that sucks so much. But like you said, his behavior is never gonna change if no one holds him accountable. Seems like he's real good at manipulating people with that fake nice act too. Like who would actually believe he was "trying to help you" by stealing your money? That's such an obvious lie, but I can see how he fools folks.

It really steams me how no one believes you either when you try to point out the sly stuff he does. We all have bad days, but this kid has a long history of messing up and your family just forgets about it cause he's quiet for five minutes? That's wack. You've never done anything wrong but they still take his word over yours? Not cool at all.

And having the audacity to hunt around your stuff saying you lost the money when he just stole from you? That's straight up disrespect. Dude has no shame clearly. I'd probably lose it on him if I was in your shoes.

I can tell this whole situation has you rattled, boo. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to be around that kid after all the crap he's pulled. And it's super lame how your family accuses you of making him look bad just for speaking the truth. Sometimes the truth isn't pretty, but that's on him, not you.

If it was me, I'd probably keep my distance from him and anyone defending him too. You don't need that BS stressing you out all the time. Maybe with some space your relatives will finally wake up and see how manipulative he really is. But don't feel bad about doing what's best for your own mental health, luv. You've dealt with enough of his junk as it is.

[CuriousHubby]

Honestly they have blinders on most families do!

Don't try and prove anything cause he will steal and hurt those around him very soon without u.

Just be open to hearing them rant and vent when they realize your right and he is in jail.

Guys like that who are allowed to be early criminals become major threats to Thier family and a violent danger when they go from small shop lifting to worse crimes and rape.

[DishLady]

Some folks have stopped addressing/seeing family members for a variety of reasons. I'm no exception, I guess, but it would have to be because of something really extreme.

[Asker]

It's been 13 years of hell. He is banned from shops, got expelled multiple times in his first year of school at a very young age, stolen constantly throughout his life, broken things in secret to seek "revenge" and explodes in rages when you prove he is lying. The stealing wasn't even the worse part. His character is the worst part. He is spoilt beyond spoilt. I feel like I'm paying the price for a kid I never raised.

[DishLady]

Yeah... so... one of my favorite people says his go-to move is to "protect his peace" and I feel we should all focus on that. Protect your peace...