Ex best friend is mad I won’t go to her wedding?

[Anonymous]

We were best friends since we were in 5th grade. She started dating her fiancé and he was very abusive. She married him when she got pregnant but he ended up leaving her before the baby was born. He stayed in touch with her and she did whatever he asked, but always refused to get back together. She’d bring her son to see him even though he’d always end up putting him in dangerous situations, she’d send him money, she’d argue with him for hours instead of telling him to mind his business, etc. When they were together he would hit her and even knocked some of her teeth out. She divorced him but still put up with him. I helped her a lot, stayed with her when she was scared, even though I’d have to leave my kid with my mom to go help my friend, I sent money for gas and groceries that I found out was going to her ex, I helped her talk to lawyers after her ex was threatening to get custody. Etc.
Found out last year that she had been hiding the fact that they were back together for about 3 months and when I found out, I blocked her on everything and our other friends did too. I didn’t tell them to, they chose it. She sent me a message last week from her mom’s phone that she was getting married to him again and wanted me there. She said he changed (she’s 23 and he’s 48, I doubt it). She said they’ve saved up for a nice wedding and even got her teeth fixed but I know he dragged her back into bad habits and in pictures I have seen, she looks like she has black eyes or marks on her and I know he’s doing it in front of their son. I even saw him on a dating app my friend sent me a screenshot of. I said no way would I go to her dumbass wedding and I told her she shouldn’t have wasted the doctors time getting her teeth fixed cause he’s just gonna break them again which I feel bad about saying. After things calmed down I asked her please not to marry him because he lives in another city now but when they’re married he’s gonna move in with her. She said she’s going to anyway.

Updates

1 y

Also found out she’s been talking bad about me for “having all her friends block her”. She’s made posts about me claiming I don’t want to go to the wedding because I don’t like him which is true but leaving out the reasons I don’t like him on purpose, so she’s getting people on her side without them knowing the full story. I have a friend that is a therapist who went through a lot of this same stuff, who also helped me when I was in an abusive relationship and I texted this other friend asking

Updates

1 y

Her to talk to her and the fiancé texted me back cussing me out and threatening me. She’s going through with this and she’s very mad at me for something I’m not even sure what. I can’t go support this bs marriage and she seemed like she understood why, I thinks he wants me at the wedding to help pay for stuff. I feel bad about not helping more, is there anything else I can do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl, I'm so sorry you're going through this mess with your friend. It's clear as day that guy is bad news and she's just not seeing it. You absolutely did the right thing by not going to that wedding - that would just be enabling her to keep making bad choices. As hard as it is, the best thing now is to distance yourself from the situation. You've already tried everything you could to help her and she's refusing to listen, so just let her hit rock bottom on her own at this point, as horrible as that sounds. Keep her blocked everywhere too in case she tries guilt tripping you again. Stay close with your other friends who understand the real story, and lean on them for support. Whatever crap she's saying about you, don't even give it headspace - anyone who knows you knows the truth. All you can do is hope one day she'll wake up and see him for who he really is. But until then, you gotta protect your own mental health and stress levels. She made her bed with him, so unfortunately she's gotta lie in it now. Focus on you and your little fam instead. You've done all you can, babe.

[hanabunny]

Omg what is she thinking? I know there's such a thing as Stockholm syndrome but this seems extreme, I would have cut her off too and definitely refused to go to that wedding too. He's way older than her and abusive and they've already broken up before, that's so much baggage to be involved with and it's gonna be rough on their poor kid. At that point there's nothing you can really do to help

[hanabunny]

@Staximus I don't think she has the power to delete your comment, it probably got moderated for using certain language or being too hostile lol

[Asker]

I deleted it cause it didn’t answer my question you dumb shit lol you were just victim blaming abused women and wanted your answer to stay up? Dumb. Honestly that last part helps way better than what you said before, wow.

[Asker]

Yes I didn’t delete it but I did report it.

[Staximus]

@asker Well I guess then you are only slightly less stupid then her.

[Sunnysunny123]

Sometimes it's okay to push people to do better but only people that deserve it. You did your part and even more than you should have. Yoy can't change a person that does not want to change themselves i would cut all contact and if they are threatening you get a restraining order. Some people just don't deserve it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t blame you, sometimes you have to love people from a distance and this is that case. Just because she forgave him doesn’t mean you have to as well, given all he’s done. She’s mad that no one is supporting this horrible decision, but hopefully it’ll help her see just how dangerous this is and how no one who truly loves her can support that relationship. This is the path she’s choosing, I just hope it doesn’t end in her unaliving.

[grrridk]

no, youve done what you couldve done as her best friend. firstly that age gap is crazy. secondly if i was her i would be so grateful for your help, and actually come to my senses. but maybe she just can't seem to understand. that man is dangerous, you should really cut her off..