Is it bad that my younger cousin refuses to speak to me because I agree with what her mother said about teen boys?

[Anonymous]

So my younger cousin called me and said she has a new boyfriend and she just met him today. He said she was the one for her and he will give her a promise ring and promises to never cheat on her but her mom said to not believe that crap because boys her age lie and will use sweet talk to use them and make them believe it and that she only met him today and it’s not a relationship. Them she said she is too young and immature to date and drop the boy before she gets hurt. She got angry at her mother for saying and accused her of not wanting to be happy. She asked me, “Can you believe my mom said that to me?” As her favorite big cousin, I refuse to lie to her. I told her, “Well I hate to tell you this, but your mom is right. Boys at that age will play with a girls feelings, lie to your face and I should break up with him. Only meeting a couple hours ago isn’t a relationship and you don’t even know him. You just met him. You better listen to your mom because she knows more about life than you do.” She got angry with me for agreeing with her mom and said, “I thought you were cool! I guess you’re not the woman I thought you were. Some cousin you are!” And she hung up on me. Look my parents told the same thing grownup and I didn’t date until I was 18. My cousin is only 14. Do you think I was wrong for giving her a lecture. I mean her mom has a point.
Parents are supposed to be honest with their kids, even if it hurts.
My parents are brutally honest and tells us the truth, even if it hurts us. They’re not afraid to not spare our feelings.

[NamerOfStars]

Well, here's the problem with that: you WEREN'T "brutally honest". You weren't honest at all; just brutal. Do you really think that young men don't have the same intense desires for love that young women do? Some young men like to manipulate girls' feelings, that's true, but you don't have any idea who this guy IS, yet you automatically assume he's up to no good? And that she'll have absolutely no capacity to detect that and react appropriately? She just met the guy and agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend; it's not like they're already trying for a baby. You know her and I don't; does she really strike you as having such poor judgement?

He told her she's the one for him and said he'd buy her a promise ring and be faithful- okay, that's kind of stupid, but did it really never cross your mind that HE might've fallen for HER, too? I can promise you, that DOES happen. And you didn't encourage her to be cautious, or say "Hey, there's no hurry here; you'd do better to slow down and get to know each other more before you commit to anything"; you told her to dump him. Now, you're correct in that you're really not in a relationship the day you meet someone, and maybe fourteen IS too young to date, but the logical thing then is to set some firm boundaries- ideally WITH her, but at least that she'll agree to- and let them be friends, at least, as both mother and child get to know the guy.

If he IS out to manipulate her feelings in sinister fashion, that'll reveal itself quickly enough. But you're teaching your cousin both paranoia and sexism. That's not going to end well for anyone involved.

[Staximus]

She's an idiot. Tell her to stop acting so starved for attention that she just agrees to be some guy's girlfriend after the first date. She doesn't even know the guy.

[Asker]

Exactly! I should have told her she’s being an idiot but I didn’t. She just met the guy a couple hours ago and she gave him her number. I know she’s a teenager and only 14, but she needs to understand that she is just a kid and boys lie. She can’t be some guy’s girlfriend after meeting today. She better dump him before she gets hurt. Her mom is right.

[Cutegirl06]

You are totally right in telling her the truth! She is too young to understand at 14, she may be upset with you right now but she'll realize that her mom and you are both right. I think it's great you told her the truth and not lie to her you're a great role model. I do the same thing with my 13 year old sister I tell her the truth and she gets mad at me but she'll realize that I'm only trying to protect her. Like one time she snuck out of the house wearing a belly shirt to the mall with her friends and got caught. She's allowed to wear them just not at the mall our mom told her she needs to be careful. She told me about it and I agreed with our mom. She thought I was going to say mom was lame for not letting her wear the shirt. She was mad at me for awhile but she got over it. I would rather have her mad at me than to have some creepy boy or guy try taking advantage of her. You definitely did the right thing. Maybe if you show your cousin this response she'll understand why you agreed with her mom. I wish more older sisters and cousins like you would watch out for their younger sisters and cousins.

[Apple1996]

Parents/family should NEVER get involved in a relationship unless it's for safety reasons. Lots of teens have serious relationships so I don't think there is any reason to tell her this.

[Anonymous]

You are hurting your cousin and so is her mother by taking her excitment away and making her less happy. On purpose.

"Boys her age will break her heart so I have to break it first to prepare her"

The two of you don't need to beat her up because you think reality will beat her up. You can leave it to reality and be there for her when and if it happens. She's already bitter and hurt, a boy didn't hurt her, YOU hurt her.

[alice55]

She's just a teen, she would stop her tantrums in some days

[Asker]

I hope so. I know she’s just 14 and won’t understand now. That’s expected but I hope she realizes why her mother said what she said. Plus I was only telling her the truth.

[alice55]

Yes she will get it fastly, teen are just very vocal and emotional and get angry easily without thinking first

[Asker]

I remember being that way. I use to get angry before I think. My dad said kids and teens get angry without trying to understand and hear people out. I guess they just don’t wanna be told their we’re wrong. Well someone has too. Our dad use to tell us to quit getting angry and let adults or someone wiser explain and listen to others points of views.

[alice55]

They're just impulsive and drives by their emotion, it's the hormone

[Asker]

True

[RichardDelightful]

He'll get over it/ Your mother's probably right anyway.