Do you think I was being insensitive to my friend?

[Anonymous]

My friend (let’s call her Kaylee) was saying it’s been five months since her mother passed away and is hurt still. I told her this, “My mother died six years ago. How do you think I feel? Your mom’s death was expected and mine died unexpectedly! Not everything isn’t about you.” Our other friend (let’s call her Sydney) told me not to blame myself and she is there for me. I told Sydney thank you so much. Kaylee said she blames herself for her mom’s death but told me it wasn’t her fault. I ignored her response.

[Ria444]

I'm going to be completely honest with you. Yes. You were being very insensitive. I think it's valid that you found it difficult to hear that considering how similar your situation is. But what your friend needs right now is comfort, and tbh, a parent dying expectedly is horrible. I can't imagine how terrible it would feel to know your mom/dad's days were slowly coming to an end and you'd have to watch them suffer. You both are hurting and should be there for each other, regardless of how much time passed and how the death happened.

[Asker]

Look I will always be there for my best friend but she has to understand that not everything is about her and she needs to work on her own grief and stop expecting too much from us.

[Ria444]

Who will be there to listen to her then? And are you really there for her if you tell her not to talk about her grief? Maybe you cope with things differently. Some people want to be alone, but it seems like your friend needs someone to talk to. Of all people you should understand what it's like to lose a parent. Maybe you feel like your pain is more valid than hers, but it's not okay to make her feel like she can't be sad. I can't imagine what she's going through, and telling her to stop talking about it will make it so much worse.

[Asker]

Im not saying she should stop but she should talk with her family and grief counseling

[Asker]

She’s the oldest of four friend group! She should have it all together and she’s mostly a serious person.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Dude what the fuck that’s rude as shit


Your friend is vulnerable with you, tells you she’s sad because she misses her mom who is no longer of this world, and you try to ONE-UP HER GRIEF BY SAYING YOU DID IT FOR LONGER?

[Asker]

I mean it’s the truth! Look I’m sorry about her mother and I understand but she can’t expect a lot from us or anybody else. She needs to work on her own grief.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Damn, you’re a shit friend. She’s only 6 months in to losing a relationship she’s had her whole life and you’re calling it whining. Grief looks different for everybody. If that girl is smart, she’ll never speak to you again. What a fucking bitch

[EmmaMary]

Some fucking friend you are... Just a very insensitive fucking B****.

[Asker]

Hey! Back off!! I’m not a bitch. I’m just being honest. Look I know she just lost her mother but she has to understand that she isn’t the only one grieving. She complained that I didn’t check up on her on Mother’s Day. I mean it’s a hard day for me too!!! I’m allowed to grieve!

[EmmaMary]

Really? Well along with the majority of others who have commented, I stand by my opinion... Thank goodness I do not have such a bitch of a friend.

[whereismyjohnny]

She deserves a better friend...

[Asker]

What’s that supposed mean? A better friend as if one that lies to her?

[whereismyjohnny]

One who cares about her and doesn't compare pains trying to minimize her feelings.

[Wise4myage]

She needs to be in therapy.

[Asker]

Thank you! Exactly! I told her that too. She said I’m always there for her but she can’t expect everybody to drop everything for her. She isn’t the only one that lost her mother. She complained that I didn’t check up on her during Mother’s Day. We’ll it’s a hard day for me too!! What did she expect?

[Wise4myage]

Thank you and you're welcome.