How do you tell your best friend that you feel they care for you as much as they used to?

[Anonymous]

My best friend and I live in different states and have been close since we were 12. We still are very close, but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t put as much effort in talking to me and texts like a man lol. By text like a man, I mean, picking and choosing what messages she wants to reply to. She used to reply to every part. Currently she is being overworked at her job so I want to be considerate and not selfish regarding that. So it’s hard for me to think of how to tell her without taking too much of her time or appearing that I don’t understand. It’s we get older we have more more and more responsibilities so I can tell I’ve took a back burner in her life.

[Makeushiver]

Well to some extent that's to be expected with a new job, new people, new milieu. See if it doesn't change once she has settled and if it is still like that you , ay need to accept that the nature of your relationship has changed. You can certainly write her and tell her that you've noticed a coolness from her. Possibly trying a different way to contact would add sparkle, maybe a phone call or what most people really like, a hand written letter which is a , much better way of conveying nuanced thoughts

[Asker]

Thank you that was constructive advice. I appreciate that. This is the reality of things and life for sure

[Anonymous]

She may not put as much effort into talking to you as she used to, but that is part of getting older sometimes. You can’t say you understand life’s changes but secretly want to whine about things not being how they used to be. If she’s not giving you the effort or attention you seek then either find someone who will, or get a journal. Complaining about things out of her control, like being busy and living life, isn’t the way.

[Asker]

This isn’t helpful advice like you think, this is just scolding lol. That’s what I hate about older generations because you all act like you never felt like this or went through something that was challenging like this before. Just because you’ve been there done that doesn’t mean it’s right to invalidate someone who hasn’t feelings. It’s not whining nor complaining. There are constructive ways out there to get across how you feel while also being supportive of someone else. It’s called balance. You have no idea how long I’ve been feelings certain way to even come at me like that. I have a journal, I have other friends, but she’s my number one. For the record I’m not complaining about what’s not in her control, that is just an important factor I want to keep in mind.

[Opinion Owner]

Older generations? I am 30, maybe a few years older so please don’t act like I’m some elderly woman scolding you. In fact I’m not scolding you at all, just saying that if her schedule doesn’t allow for her to communicate how you want then that’s more of a “you” problem. Res friends are much more considerate because we do have lives. I see my best friends of 15+ years maybe once a month, and check in maybe once or twice a week. We have lives.