Im a bad person for not caring for my dead mother?

[Anonymous]

My mother died when I was just a baby so I don't remember her and I was raised by my grandparents.

My mother knew she was going to die so there are plenty of videos of me and her for me to watch but if I'm honest when I watch the videos as a adult I get the feeling she wasn't a nice person nor did she care about me all that much. In the videos you can see she never really wanted to spend time with me and it's my grandparents asking her to hold me in the videos and she seemed like she had a massive attitude problem. Maybe she wasn't nice due to the stress of knowing she was gonna die but also the fact I didn't find out who my dad was until I did my own searching at 20 was kinda telling to me.

She knew who my dad was and never told him and tried to keep it secret from me and her husband at the time who left her after finding out shed cheated and I wasn't his child.

When I met my dad, we instantly became close and he said he didn't want to talk about his relationship with my mother as he didn't want to show her in a bad light to me but I eventually found out she stole money from him to buy drugs and cheated on him too from my aunt.

I confronted my grandparents over this and they just explained my mother was troubled but called me ungrateful for going behind there backs and trying to find out the truth.

I love my grandparents they are amazing and given me so much but I think I have a right to know the truth about who my mother was and who my dad is.

I've been told so many bad stories from locals about her. Saying she used to leave me with my grandparents to go drinking and used to say she never wanted to be a mother. I know these people are know better for telling me this but I don't think theyd lie as they never had any hate towards me.

But everyone I've met who knew her haven't had good things to say about her besides my grandparents and I think they lied to me you softened the blow of never having known my mother and the fact she didn't care about me.

Updates

1 y

I could understand if she'd had a hard upbringing or been through something terrible but my grandparents are amazing people. She grew up everything she'd ever have dreamed of. A loving family, private education, siblings, pets, nice holidays etc. She seems to me she was a spolit brat who had a unfortunate end

[CuriousHubby]

Honestly it's a good reaction to finding the truth!

Every one wants to find out and the truth is usually bad. Had a few friends search just to be disappointed.

Then have to accept it and feel bad they found the truth.

Honestly feelings are fine and healthy. She was not a caring mom a lot of women are not

So why should you years later care much or worry?⁵ it's cause the media says you should.

[Kaneki05]

You didn't know her so it's normal to have some dissociation. But think from it in this way, imagine your having a child you'll never get to watch grow up.

Even as I who thinks the world would be better if more people stopped having kids. Stills finds that tragic. I can't imagine been in that sceniro. But I do know that would effect you a lot mentally.

[KpopMusicFan]

not at all, my dad died eight years ago and I don’t even celebrate the anniversary of his death anymore. I did in the very like beginning like maybe the first like for three years but after that I’ve moved on so there is nothing wrong caring for for a deceased person. I just see it as a side like hey I dealt with it and I moved on from it.

[Anonymous]

You could have asked this question with just the first sentence of explanation, instead of wanting us to read a book.

[Asker]

Omg is that you mom?

[Jackblue]

Honestly, it is fine, you didn't know her therefore you can't be expected to miss her. My maternal grandmother died before I was born, therefore I don't even know what she looked like. Maybe it is best though not to complain about her to your grandparents, when people are dead it is easy to remember the good things without the bad ones, and in their minds they still see her as their little girl playing merrily amidst the flowers and butterflies. They don't think about her bad behavior.

[slatyb]

No, you aren't. How can you mourn someone you never knew?