How to I handle a mom who plays victim and a brother who enable her bad behavior?

[Anonymous]

Mom spent last year eating herself to death now it's to the point she's 275 pounds and can't walk. My older brother last years was yelling at everyone for hiding food from my mom. My mom would eat 3 bags of Jumbo size chips everyday and McDonald's. My mom now upstairs crying that we barly help her when all we want is for her to get off her ass and workout.. it's so bad she pees in a cup now.

2 years ago my mom was sick from cancer that refuse to take care off I spent 1000s of dollors buying her health food and people use to sleep in a chair in a room for 24 Horus a day.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang bro, that sounds like a super frustrating situation. Your mom clearly has some issues if she's eating that much junk and letting herself go like that. But at the same time, it's not really your fault or responsibility to force her to change.

As for your brother, seems like he's just enabling her bad behavior by yelling at you guys instead of acknowledging she needs to help herself. Kinda suss that he's taking her side over trying to get her real help.

If it was me, I'd have a serious talk with both of them. Lay it out there - you've tried helping before to no avail, and you're not going to let them guilt or yell at you anymore. Set clear boundaries - you'll help with rides to the doctor or whatever if she commits to therapy/rehab, but you're done letting her cry for attention while refusing to change.

And call out your bro for choosing to scream at family instead of actually supporting her well-being like a responsible adult. Sometimes people gotta hit rock bottom before they want help. Not much else you can do if they refuse to see reality and take accountability. Stay strong and don't let 'em emotionally manipulate you, dude. You gotta take care of yourself too in this mess.

[rosemilk]

at 275 lbs she can still walk. it's only until you get up to 600+lbs that you're bedbound. she's far from that. she may be lying just a little bit. unless she's like 4'6 tall. i'm also guessing the food they were hiding was only junk food and not actual food. she just didn't want to eat the real food that was provided.

as for the question, well it looks like your brother can handle it. you just stay out of it and live your life.

or... you can just give her healthy food and limit her food intake. ignore all her cries. because if the junk food isn't there, and she can't even get up, she'll have to eat healthy food.

[Asker]

She can walk but only with a cane has other health issues that effect her walking