Do sisters and brothers need separate rooms?

Question

Growing up my brother and me had the same room till we moved out.

In college talking with friends it seems like we are the only ones who were not separated as teens.

Think I'm damaged for still sharing my room with my brother?

Do sisters and brothers need separate rooms?

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

It's best to have separate spaces after a certain age, even for same gender kids, and here's why. It gives them an opportunity to manage and organize their own space without the constant frustration of a sibling who doesn't care. I'm all for kids working through frustrations, but there is a balance.

As for the spouse aspect of things, many, many people live on their own for years before ever getting married. Even if a room is shared as a child, it's going to be an adjustment regardless of how much experience we have in sharing a room. We might be the messy one, the person we marry may have had their own room, etc. It's beyond our ability to control. More important is the ability to adjust and collaborate with people, and that takes a lot more thought and time than simply tossing kids in a room and hoping they figure it out.

The incest aspect of things is also a potential issue, and not just between opposite gender kids. Placing two teenagers in a room with raging hormones and underdeveloped reasoning ability is asking for trouble. It's our responsibility as parents to give our kids a protected (and at the same time, informed) childhood until they gradually take ownership of their own choices.

Now, all that said, people can do whatever they want with their own kids, in theory. But CPS isn't going to look kindly on parents who allow an older brother or sister to sexually molest a younger sibling, particularly when the older sibling turns 18. Incest is a crime in many states. Added to that is the position of power an older sibling has, their ability to manipulate and threaten a younger sibling, and the ideas they might like to try out on a vulnerable younger sibling, and you have a recipe for some seriously messed up stuff.

Now, often times we have difficulty processing these kind of situations when it happened to us and was normalized. But as an objective outsider, parents who allow this can get in massive trouble, because the kids are still minors. Just some thoughts.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The reason brothers and sisters shouldn't share rooms as one or both come into puberty is the likelihood of sexual abuse or incest.

When my mother got sick and my father lost his job my family was forced to move in with our grandparents as the medical bills were too high and they lost the home. I had to share a room in the basement with my older brother. I was 14 and he was 17, we always fought like cats and dogs. Neither of us had any privacy and a few times I caught him looking at me and i guess I looked at him too occasionally. Id often see his boner in the morning through his bedsheets. One night in the winter it was so cold that I climbed into his bed to stay warm. I fell asleep and we ended up cuddling. I woke up with some sort of weird goo on my butt and could feel his boner. Anyway the next night I did the same and I felt his boner poking me. I started rubbing myself up against it and I could tell by the way he was thrusting that he was into it so I turned over and we started making out. Before I knew what was happening he had pulled my underwear apart and was thrusting, 30 seconds later it was over, my first time. We both agreed it could never happen again and went to sleep but 3 hours later I awoke to find him on top of me again and again before we were to get up for school. We were pretty much left to our own devices as our mother was sick and father always busy, grandparents were old. We spent the next few years screwing each other in that room at night and real romantic if confused feelings developed. He would get jealous if a guy showed intrest in me and I the same if he dated a girl. Realising he was never going to get to college he joined the army at 20 so he could afford tuition one day. We agreed to stop seeing each other but whenever he's back we can't help it. My father got a new job and we got a new house so hooking up is difficult but now that I'm at college I can sneak him into my dorm or meet at a hotel if I'm visiting him.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Yeah for me I would want separate rooms but I moved out when I was 16 and a half anyway so didn't really matter but I wouldn't want to share a room with my sister I did share room with my brother until I moved out

And then my parents got divorced or my mom and my brother and sisters dad he was still my dad I guess but then he got remarried and had two more stepsisters and another step brother but we'd go to visit in the summertime and stuff and I had my own room there is only a little like laundry room but it was better than sharing a room with either my brothers or my sisters

FunkyMonkee · Accepted Answer

If you teach your kids that nudity ISN'T bad, there's no real reason for them to have separate rooms. The only reason would be if one tends to bother the other.

Cutegirl06 · Answer

Yeah they need separate rooms. My younger brother and sister shared a room up until they were 8, after that they start getting closer to puberty and they definitely need their own rooms and privacy.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

If there isn't another option then its perfectly fine. You have a room that's more than some people have. If there was an option to have a separate room then that would be ideal. Everyone deserves to have their own space.

GOLDFISH_smile · Answer

I don't think the gender thing matters so much as privacy. I had to share a room with my stepsibling of same gender as me at the time, and it was awful bc we hated each other and didn't have any space private we could be away from each other. If I had shared a room with my siblings of opposite gender that I actually got along with half decently then I don't think it would have been half as bad.

Kelley1 · Answer

Typically it is a matter of what the parents can afford and the space available. If your parents could afford a bigger house and if they chose to move, you would have had separate rooms.

SarahP080106 · Answer

My brother and I didn't share a room, but we were close and not modest about changing around each other. I don't see a problem if everyone is comfortable with it.

Apple1996 · Answer

It's best everyone have their own room if possible but sometimes houses are small so sharing a room might be necessary

mandyfire98 · Answer

It would have been rather awkward if I had shared a room with my brother in highschool lol

Alex-Snow · Answer

It is ok to share a room... after all he is ur brother and not ur lover. My slightly older sister (15 months older) have back to back rooms with thin walls and we share a common joined bathroom. We are very close and share everything and yes doors are left open at times and we have seen each other naked and hear each other masturbating but we just laugh about it and get along great.

SweetDripp · Answer

Separate rooms are ideal, but not always possible. I think it's manageable to share a room as long as you have a separate place to dress.

DrPepper12 · Answer

If at ALL possible separate rooms for separate genders as teens. I shared with my bro til I went to college.

DaBiggestBird · Answer

Not essential but having your own room in general is cool. You can make your own super cool little hideout, while your nasty ass sibling (s) make theirs look like a fat person’s asshole

strateguy632 · Answer

When she reaches puberty better separate room if house is big enough.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It might be fine when you are little, but past a certain age, yes.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, they need separate rooms

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

ITS WAS ON YOUR PARENTS NOT YOU

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