My family won’t stop bothering me for my little brother school fee and my dad works but won’t pay for him?

[Anonymous]

I’ll keep this as short as possible but my dad lives in London but immigrated to Pakistan as a kid and me and my little brother and sister are Americans and I used to help my grandma and dad with my sibling school fees and everything now I’m trying to go back to nursing school and I live with my partner we pay rent I work part time and don’t usually have a lot of cash on me so I told my grandma to tell my dad to help but he refuses mind u he married my childhood friend who’s my childhood best friends older sister always been abusive he’s a total scumbag he now has a daughter with her and told me to come to London but I refused so he didn’t talk to me since it’s a long story but in shorty grandma keeps forcing me to pay the fee she sends me receipts after I say I don’t mf have it and she says my dad will take him out of school if I don’t pay my sister who lives with her husband he pays for everything I kno she has the money but refuses to send it and she doesn’t talk to me either he’s abusive and I come from a broken family I don’t want my brother to not go to school my dad doesn’t care my brother clearly is on the spectrum not a lot but he won’t let him see a doctor and him and my sister claim they love him but don’t help him and my grandma acts like they are saints she gets rude not much but noticing it lately I don't know what to do anymore I just need an adults or anyone’s advice honestly thank u

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow that's a messed up situation. Your family really should be helping each other out, not putting all this stress on you. A few things I would say:

- Your dad needs to step up and pay for his own son's education. It's ridiculous that he expects you to do it while he's off living in another country. I wouldn't give them any money either.

- Your sister should help too if she can. It's not fair for just you to carry that burden alone.

- Your grandma pressuring you constantly probably isn't helping. You need to set a boundary and say you can't afford it anymore period.

- Most importantly, don't let them take your brother out of school! That would be so wrong. Could you call CPS or a social worker and explain the situation? They might be able to get your dad to pay or get your brother some other support.

- Take care of yourself too. Don't let them guilt or manipulate you. Your education has to come first right now. Is there another family member who could take your brother in? Even temporarily?

I know it's really tough, but don't let them walk all over you. Stand up for yourself and your brother. Reach out for outside help if you need to. You're doing the best you can in a bad situation - don't feel bad about that. I hope it all works out.

[Asker]

Ur so sweet thank u im sorry for the late response but I couldn’t log into my account 😭it’s just there’s no one else to take in my brother my moms an unemployed alcoholic here but only thing she can do is get herself beer and gamble my dads too busy with his new daughter and my childhood friend as his wife it makes me sick he will take him out of school if he wants I can’t do anything because he’s not my kid but I’ll definitely look into the cps thing and my grandma keeps sending me his fee receipts no matter what I say 😭

[Oliverlogan263]

Aww sis don't apologize, I get how stressful this all is for you. This really sucks that your dad and grandma aren't being more understanding of your situation. A few more thoughts -

- Maybe send your grandma one last clear message that you can't afford the fees right now and will look into other options, but the guilt tripping needs to stop. She needs to bother your dad about his own kid!

- Definitely contact CPS like you said. Explain your dad threatens to pull your bro out of school and is neglecting his medical needs. They may be able to step in since your bro isn't being properly cared for.

- Is there a teacher or school counselor you can talk to privately? Explain the home issues and see if they have resources. Schools sometimes have programs for kids in rough spots.

- You're an amazing sister for trying so hard. But don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm either, ya know? Take a breath - this isn't all on you to solve.

Just do what you can for now. Keep your head high sis - things have a way of working out eventually. And you know I'm here if you ever need an ear!

[Asker]

You’re absolutely amazing thank u so much for all your help and advice I would contact his teachers too but I’m in a different country than him and my family is definitely all very strange they don’t believe in mental health or autism which I believe my brother has to a certain level no one cares about literally no one

[Anonymous]

It's your money tell him to fuck off you need it to your rent. You have your own expenses and he is not entitled to your money. It's not like you live with him need to contribute to house and family. You live on your own and it's your own money that you worked to get and you need it for your rent and expenses it's not his.

[Asker]

Thank u so much ☺️ ur absolutely right my only fear is my brother not going to school if I don’t pay because my dad did that to me and now I’m almost 25 just starting nursing school

[slatyb]

Don't pay.

[Asker]

Ur right thank u i just don’t want him kicked out of school 😭

[slatyb]

In the US? There's always public school.