Why is it that mothers typically are calm/chill while their child has a tantrum but everyone else seems overstimulated by it?

[Anonymous]

Like the mother will calmly offer them things, may even attempt to make them laugh and even if those attempts don’t work they typically just let them soothe themselves. But others like grandparents or aunties and uncles are the ones giving in to their demands.

[D_Bone_Steak]

The child learning to soothe themselves is vital and I think you know that because you're speaking with the same words a teacher would use in a class on the subject. For someone that's not the parent though, that kid's tantrums can be stressful/irritating and they just want to get it to stop... and most resort to just giving the child what they want.

I always point at kids who had too many "parental" figures involved in their upbringing. They lack control over their emotions and display manipulative behaviors. If you're a child and you're only dealing with Mom and Dad, both of which know when you're being full of shit and don't care about your emotional outbursts, then those behaviors basically don't get reinforced because they're just not useful to you as the child... as in getting what you want. On the other hand...

Let's say... you got a kid who's being fought over, say for custody or whatever, where the parent has to seek the child's approval... We know what's going to happen. Or say a bossy Grandma that wants to be the child's favorite Grandma... we know what's going to happen. Those "tantrums" will get the attention that they don't deserve, as well as get rewarded and thus reinforced.

It's just like Pavlov's dog or a basic concept in cognitive psychology. A parent being a parent is far different than what a random caretaker is. What sucks is when the parent starts trying to be the child's friend instead of a parent or start using the child for their own manipulative means to whatever end.

Give me a like if any of that makes sense.

[RingOfFire]

Because Mom is the one who has to deal with it 24/7 365. If she let herself get crazy she would find herself in a straight jacket and some mental institution. She has to stay calm to handle it. Grandparents aunts and uncles don't have to live with it all the time so they can just give them what they want to try to get m to shut up since they won't have to deal with the consequences of spoiling them.

[electromagnetic]

I worked with toddlers, and preschool, for many years. I can confidently tell you those parents that can put up with tantrums while calm and relaxed are amazing. They know exactly what they’re doing, and they know how to execute it well. The amount of patience and resilience required is astonishing. I used to have a child that would go into full tantrums for an hr and their parents will always say, “ let them have this moment but be nearby. Reassure them that when they’re ready to talk to you in a nicer way, you’ll be there to listen. And follow through”

It was honestly one of the best advice I’ve gotten. It really helped me navigate being an aunt and having patience towards my nieces and nephews.

[7Phoenix7]

The mother has experience and knows what she is doing. She's ignoring the behavior and letting it pass, but still offering support and love. Kids have tantrums...

Those mothers are used to it and they know that it will pass. A child's brain is not fully developed and sometimes they find it hard to manage their emotions.

Others are not experienced and confused... or they deal with tantrums differently (spanking etc.).

[rosemilk]

reacting with calmness is a better decision than reacting with anger. might as well not add more overstimulation to the overstimulation.

[MarjorieJ]

Maybe the mother isn’t actually calm she’s more like oblivious.

[Apple1996]

Because that's probably the 10th tantrum of the day and by then mom is already drained of the energy to care lol

[Nikki1989]

They are used to the tantrums and developed strategies to handle them effectively.

[Anonymous]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/1q8V_iGgEZc

. .

[StevenMcGarrett]

Probably because moms have seen everything this child has done and knows how to handle the situation.

[TheStaleMarshmellow]

They all like that until the bathroom door clicks

[Anonymous]

She's learned to tune it out and doesn't care that it's disrupting everyone else.

[Uranis1984]

They are trying to get them to stop by ignoring it. my husband does this when I freak out. It gets me so madm

[CarolinaGirl5]

At your age come on. Are u really asking this?

[jahaims]

Conditioning