Is it normal for your mother to stonewall you?

[abbyjgriffin98]

My mother has been mad at me because I recently got an attempted charge on my account whcih didn't even go through. She wanted me to go and make a file with the police and I told her it would not do anything because it was a small charge and I was not missing anything from my bank account. She got really mad at me. On top of all that, we have been having trouble with our family. My sister used to be addicted to pain pills. She has been sober for over a year, but our mom's side of the family has still not forgiven her. They put our mom and me in a situation where they are telling us to choose between her and the rest of the family. I chose my sister, no question. But my mom wanted my sister to talk to all of them and apologize. My sister tried reaching out to one of her cousins and she flat out blocked her. So my mom is kind of taking it out on us. And to make me go to the police, she kept saying, "It's my house!" But when I was with my now ex boyfriend, we were practically living together and my mom tried to guilt trip me into coming back home. At one point, I was going to move to another state with him and when I told my mom, she didn't talk to me for three weeks. But now, because I won't go to the police, she isn't speaking to me. She hasn't spoken to me in three days, right now. To make things worse, I have been very sick. I can't eat more than 4 bites of food without feeling like throwing up. My doctor said I might have a stomach infection, H. Pylori. I want to talk be able to talk to my mom about it because it might be serious, but she won't even look at me. Is this normal?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, that sounds like a really tough situation with your mom. The way she's stonewalling you and refusing to communicate is definitely not normal or healthy.

It's clear she's dealing with a lot of stress and resentment from the issues with your sister's addiction and the family drama. But that doesn't give her the right to just shut you out like that, especially when you're dealing with your own health struggles.

The way she's trying to control you and guilt trip you into doing things her way is super manipulative. Saying "it's my house" to force you to go to the police is just wrong. You're an adult - you get to make your own choices.

And the fact that she gave you the silent treatment for weeks when you wanted to move out is a huge red flag. That's not normal parent-child behavior at all. She should be supportive, not trying to trap you.

Honestly, it sounds like your mom has some serious issues she needs to work through. The way she's taking out her frustrations on you and your sister is really messed up. You both deserve so much better than that.

I know it's hard, but you can't let her toxic behavior drag you down too. Try your best to take care of yourself and get the medical attention you need, even if she refuses to be there for you. Reach out to other trusted friends or family if you can.

And don't be afraid to set some firm boundaries with your mom. Make it clear that the silent treatment and control tactics are unacceptable. You're an adult now, and you need to be able to live your life without her constantly interfering.

Wishing you all the strength and support during this difficult time. You've got this, girl. Don't let her drama ruin your health and well-being. You deserve so much better.

[Anonymous]

I have been in this situation with my own mom for 8 years now. It’s a long story. But she always used my dad to do her dirty work when she doesn’t get her way and yet she was always disrespecting him (including physical violence years ago).

I only talk to her at holidays or family meet ups. I am surface friendly. But I never call her nor text her. I keep my interactions limited.

I told her I wanted a sit down face to face (with my dad NOT present) so I can be honest what why I’m so angry with her. Tell her what I expect at this stage of my life. Tell her I will always love her but she’s got to respect me as a grown man. It’s a lot of things.

But she doesn’t want to do it. She’s too afraid to have a private conversation with her 100% long time independent son.

I’ve got a lot of profesional advice about this. Sometimes some parents sadly retrogress in maturity with age. They can’t accept that their kids are no longer children (they can control) but are instead adult peers. It’s rooted in deep insecurity and fear.

Anyway there is nothing I can do about this but love her as difficult as it is. But loving her isn’t caving into her expectations of what kind of relationship we should have.

[virgo2267]

It’s a shame your mother is not being the supportive guardian everyone deserves… t seems she is more interested in pleasing or looking good to the rest of her family than to attend her own offspring.


Please take time for yourself and care for yourself. After that stay supportive of your sister… let your mom see the real you who seems to have a very worthy of a heart to let it go by…


Please stay strong and keep positive. I am cheering you on and hoping your family has a deep bond over the holidays. Best regards