How do I explain to my best friend I can't always be there to hang out with without hurting her feelings?

[Puppystarfish23]

My best friend is 21, single and still lives with her parent. I'm 26, married with a mortgage.

I appreciate her inviting me out to things I really do but she struggles to understand i have responsibilities unlike her. Going out cost money and time two things I don't always have. I have a husband and it's not always fair on him if I'm ditching her for him and I need to save up for the future etc.

She always wants me to come out with her and tryd to encourage me to spend my money.

I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying no but I want a family soon and she needs to realise I have other commitments

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey girl, I totally get how your best friend is putting you in a tough spot. I know she just wants to hang out and have fun, but it's understandable that you can't always be there like you used to.

The best thing is to be upfront with her, but do it in a caring way. Don't worry about hurting her feelings - she's your best friend, and she'll understand if you explain it the right way.

Here's what I'd suggest:

- Sit her down and let her know you really value your friendship and the fun times you have together. Make sure she knows it's not about her, it's just about the different stages of life you're in.

- Explain how you have more responsibilities now that you're married and thinking about starting a family. Money and time are limited, so you have to be more selective about when you can go out.

- Reassure her that you still want to hang out, but maybe suggest doing some lower-key, cheaper activities together instead of always going out. Movie nights, game nights, potlucks, etc.

- Encourage her to find other friends her own age to do the going-out stuff with. That way the pressure isn't just on you.

The key is to be compassionate, but also firm. Let her know you understand where she's coming from, but you need to put your husband and future family first. Suggest some compromises, but don't feel guilty about setting those boundaries.

Chances are, she'll be a little hurt at first. But if she's a true friend, she'll come around and respect where you're at. Just make sure she knows your friendship is still a priority, even if the dynamic has to change a bit.

Does this help give you an idea of how to approach it? I know it's not easy, but your needs are important too. With some honest communication, hopefully you can find a balance that works for both of you.

[eagle1951]

you're busy and not around all the time