How should I tell my mom that I’m seeing someone while living together?

[Anonymous]

This is someone I believe will be around for a long time so far. I would like him to come over and just hang out with me from time to time but that’ll warrant me to have to let my mom know who I live with. I desire to be able to spend nights at his place without having to lie that I’m at a friends house or be judged that I may be having sex when we’re actually taking it slow.

I’m 26, I pay bills and rent so I’m not a free loader by the way. She is very protective over me and she seems to be at unease when I have told her about someone that wanted to go out on dates with me and not only just text or talk on the phone. I have become very private of my dating life because of this. She still believes that I’m a virgin at this point. With the last guy I met and told her I’d be gone for a full day date, she was uncomfortable because we had “only been talking for 3 weeks” when that was a sufficient amount of time for me to feel comfortable to go out with him.

I suppose there’s not a fancy way but to just be upfront and woman up, but the thought of it always stresses me out.

Updates

1 y

Update: so I actually planned to talk to her about it before the end of the week hence why I asked this question, but she happened to hear us on FaceTime so the cats out the bag now! She’s upset that I wasn’t honest about who I was on the phone with so that forced me to tell her straight up that I only haven’t told her because of how she treats me when I date. She says me lying reflects my character. Whatever. It was my intentions to tell her just not tonight lol

[hahahmm]

If you went missing your mom would have no clue where you are/who you were with. You have to at the very least have a highly trusted friend who knows where you are.

Eventually EVERYTHING comes out. Better to tell her now then she finds out years later. Also we may like our parent's opinions but they're right more often than not and sometimes we don't want to hear anything.

By the way, the more you act like an adult the more your parent (s) treat you like an adult. Hiding your relationship is not adult behavior.

[Asker]

Oh yeah I always tell my friends, two of them have my location but I agree. The truth always come the light. I have to reinforce some things and put my foot down

[hahahmm]

By the way... I had a period where I didn't tell my parents anything about who I was with because my mom had a history of always hating on my girlfriends & I didn't want to deal with it. My dad was always cool but mom was the only one always trying to be the CIA and find out who I was with. ha

[Lliam]

You're an adult. Your mom should treat you like one.

I think you should be honest with her and stand up for yourself. Tell her that you are a grown woman and have a boyfriend.
Bring him by to meet her. After that, invite him to come over and hang out. Come and go as you please.
Your mom needs to get over it.

[Asker]

Thank you, yes I agree. I don’t think it should have ever been this difficult for me to talk to her about this. I feel that her bad dating experiences have left a bad taste in her mouth understandably, but I need room to live and learn. I will definitely talk to her, I just wanna go about it in the easiest way

[Lliam]

I suspected the same thing about your mom in regards to her own experiences. And yes, she wants to protect you. She can do that by giving advice, not by controlling you.
You need to live your own life and learn from your own experiences.

[AlinaJanowska18]

Your mother should respect your choice. Talking true and have truthful relationships with parents is always good idea. It's our the closest people in the whole world...❤️‍🩹

[Asker]

Yes that’s what I desire! Everywhere else we are very close

[AlinaJanowska18]

I wish you be just happy with your family and loved one 🫂❤️‍🩹

[itsannalee]

You are 26, your body, your life, your rules.
It’s always better just move out when you are over than 21.

[Asker]

If I could’ve moved out at 21, I would have

[itsannalee]

Your body your rules, there is nothing cam stop you when you are adult.

[itsannalee]

#Can stop you

[Asker]

Agreed

[OlderAndWiser]

Ask your mom how she would feel if she was still single, a virgin, never had children, and still living with her mom (your grandmother.)

I suspect that you living with your mom gives her a raison d'être and she is terrified of losing you to a guy who you want to be with forever.

[Asker]

Awh that makes me sad for me and me lmao if that were the case lol! Trust I will def reverse it on her. I somewhat do believe that for her unfortunately if she didn’t have my brother and I her life may have been a lot of different

[Unit1]

Right. I see you know what you're doing. In cases like yours being sneaky is necessary.

Make sure you can't be bitten in the ass once you reveal your dating life. That means you should be prepared for the worst. After all it is within your best interest.

[Unit1]

Take it from me.
I don't speak to my parents at all. They forced my hand so to speak.

[DrPepper12]

Tell her to back off or she'll never have grandkids.!! Seriously, you're in your late 20s and this is a codependent relationship that is NOT good. TELL her, don't ASK her.

[Asker]

She may still never her grandkids in this climate of the world but I would like the choice lmao!

[dustybiker2]

You're 26 and pay your way. You are long past having to make excuses. Be a woman and tell her you have a boyfriend and will be spending time with him:

[RingOfFire]

If you're living at your parents' house, paying rent or not, no matter how old you are they make the rules.

If you're living in your own place, at 26 you make the rules.

And those are the rules.

[Asker]

I disagree but okay. If I’m paying more on rent and other things bc my income is higher especially, then I do deserve equal respect. It doesn’t matter. We moved into this property together

[molonski2]

Why bother even telling her? Is it that important?

I'd leave it for now..

[Asker]

Because for safety purposes since we live together we’ve always at least have each other and idea of where we are gonna be when we’re gone for extended periods. I’d hate to have to lie during a whole relationship like I had to when I was just starting dating lol

[molonski2]

Oh Hun , I'd say " Sabai Sabai " all in good time , nothing is going to happen , you are stressing over nothing , just keep expanding your important new relationship.

[molonski2]

Ohhh , the UPDATE , ruins the question hahahahahaha.

[RavVid]

You could point out you are an old spinster left on the shelf at 26. But yeah woman up.

[Asker]

I wouldn’t say I’m an old spinster at 26 lmaooo. I’m not even thirty flirty and thriving yet!

[RavVid]

I wouldn't say you are an elderly spister at 26 either. But you did ask for a line to give your mom. I think that's the line. "You want to have grandchildren someday mom?"

"Then get out of my way of building a relationship to have them in".

I think that is a line for you to take. Your mom should in fact not interfere with you building a relationship. It is not like you are 16 and jumping into cars with boys.

[Asker]

Ahhh gotcha! And yes exactly. I didn’t even do that at 16. I made her life really easy then lol

[RavVid]

Great! What is really effective in life, is if you set it up so their thoughts along the lines you want them to think in.

If you like this guy you'd like your mom to be welcoming and sweet to him.

All the best!

[Asker]

Thanks!

[RavVid]

Saw the update.

Sorry it happened in that way but your mom forced u into it.

Maybe leave it a couple of days and and sit down to talk to her and help to understand you ain't 16 no more and you do indeed have a life to build as seems best to you. Talk about how you want your life to look.

It makes it a bit more consultative leaves her with feeling part of your life rather than feeling like a bust up. Seems you need to be the adult in the room. :).

[Asker]

Thank you. Sounds like that’s what’s happened afterwards. Before I went to bed I went to talk with her briefly, but it became a long discussion. It was much needed and a very transparent conversation that led to her being sad unfortunately. I hate hurting her but I had to be completely honest and told her it was important to me to put up boundaries so I can avoid less codependency. She expressed that she’ll never be the cool parent and some things will never change and I’ll just have to move out the second it becomes convenient for me. She’s right

[RavVid]

Well it has worked fairly well it seems to me. Parents tend to think you are still 5 yo and at some point come to accept you are actually an adult. She might be sad you are all grown up but it is quite nice to have an adult relationship between parent and child. After some adjustment you will both be fine with the change.

It could be awkward to having a boyfriend over under her roof for everybody so best to move out. Doesn't mean you can't visit a lot. :)

[Anonymous]

Start acting like an adult and maybe you'll be treated as such.

[Asker]

You don’t know how I act?

[kaucky1]

Some get irritated if 'father leaves disappears, when you get knocked up but they become the baby ur having

[jahaims]

Learn how to talk to your parent like an adult.

[Anonymous]

You are 26!

[Asker]

Yes I am!!