My Friend is Dating my mom?

[Baseballgem4for4]

So my mom (39) is a widow, we lost my dad a few years ago, a lot of my friends and stuff say my mom is attractive and all that type stuff. One friend in particular (21) was over the house when we had people over when everyone was leaving I walked in the kitchen & saw them kissing. I was like is this real. I knew he was interested in my mom he made plenty of comments. A week later he was over my house and same thing kissing being affectionate etc. My mom told me they were going to dinner at this restaurant thats in a hotel & they would just get a room & spend the night because it would be late & shed be too tired to drive. I didn't think any thing of it. A few nights ago I come home & they are cuddling on the couch making out, like my moms on his lap kinda thing. He left shortly after and I am like ok but didn't think it was sexual. I came home today and it was obvious you could hear what was going on. I checked the bedroom door and it was locked. When the noise settled down I said "mom are you in there" she said yea be out in a bit. Anyway they both came out I haven't said anyting, I know my friend is into my mom, he has made comments, they are both adults and when I saw them kissing I was like whatever, its just kissing a few dates ok, this is the 1st guy my mom has dated since my dad its cool! But when I heard them today I got upset and I dont think I like it what do I do? I can't say anything right? My mom and I are like best friends I dont want to be mad at her but this upset me a LOT. What would you guys do it it was you?

[LeoLover75]

Unless you know your friend to be an abusive asshole or is going around talking about doing your mom then let them enjoy having each other. If you truly think your friend is a good guy like you said you should be happy for them. Unless he is using your mom for money or bragging to everyone that he did your hot mom let her be happy. Being an older woman and having a good time with a younger guy is probly very fun and exciting for her. It probly won’t last long anyway so don’t ruin your closeness with your mom by telling her to stop just cuz they are loud.
Instead tell her….. hey mom let me know ahead of time when your company is coming by cuz the walls are really thin. In a joking way. Trust me she will get the hint and she’ll keep it down. If she knew how loud she was being she’d be sooooo embarrassed and wouldn’t let it happen again.
No parent wants their kids to hear then having sex. EVER.

[Baseballgem4for4]

Thank you soooo much this is really good advice! Thank you!!! it happened again yesterday, I’m not seeing this till now.. I didn’t even hear my buddy come over I was in my room doing school work. I looked up saw his car &shortly after they were being super LOUD AGAIN My mom was MOANING LIKE CRAZY!!! and they were in there for a super long time!! I wanted to get your advice on a few things you said “bragging to everyone that he did your hot mom” he didn’t but when he was leaving he gave me mom a hug&kiss he put his hand on her butt but like slid his hands down the back of her pants. Then he went to dap me up when he did was like don’t give me that hand I don’t know where it was! did you put it down the back of my moms panties? He said nah and so we dapped it out. He laughed and said your mom is wearing a thong so the hand was on her cheeks. I was like wtf dude.. I walked with him out the house and was gonna tell him to try and keep it down I said I was studying and you guys are super loud. He goes bro I know your mom was going nuts!!! We’re really sexually compatible best sex I’ve had and your mom can’t get enough! I was totally embarrassed at that point and was like forget it I’ll bring it up to my mom. Which I will today!! Is that kinda like bragging? Also you said it won’t last long.. 😔 is my mom just using him for sex? He said she's really into it or whatever. That’s not how she raised me she raised me to be committed and in love before worrying about all the bedroom stuff!! Also how possible is it to “keep it down” like can she really just cut out the moaning? I know that was long winded but thank you so much!!!

[Anonymous]

Talk to your mom and friend about this. Tell them how you feel. Set up expectations and boundaries with them.

[Baseballgem4for4]

I want to! I we will talk here’s my problem I want my mom to be happy, if this guy makes her happy fine it’s cool it’s my friend he’s a solid guy! I approve. But like I said they were doing it super loud! Now they didn’t know I had gotten home. But like I don’t want to hear that. Also my mom raised me not to go sleeping around, commit to someone first. Then this is like complete hypocrisy they’ve had no more than 2 dares and they’re in the bedroom? The more I think of it they may have done it the first night of their first date in the hotel room they stayed at. I feel like that’s hypocrisy and not how she raised me!! Also I want to talk to them but I don’t want to come off like I’m trying to interfere with their relationship or that I’m mad/jealous about it. I’m not what kind of reasonable boundaries and expectations do you think I could set up?

[Baseballgem4for4]

Omg!!! It’s happening again I’m at home doing school work and they are doing it again SUPER LOUD. It’s loud AF!! MOANING LOUD!! the bed you can hear too!! What am I supposed to say how do I bring it up!!!

[SnowedIn]

You're thinking about this the right way. It is awkward. You and your mom are both valid: your feelings that it's weird and awkward and your mom for finding love or sex or whatever again.

As for what to do, I'd say/do nothing. Love your mom and wish her happiness. Stay friends with your friend despite the weirdness.

Only if what they do directly impacts your life (the bed bangs into the wall and you can't sleep) then I'd mention that specifically, but not the relationship itself.

[Baseballgem4for4]

That’s kinda what happened when I came home yesterday. I walked it the house my mom was meaning like crazy and you could hear the bed squeaking like they were doing it loud. It bothered me because they’ve only been on like 1-2 dates shouldn’t they build more of a relationship? Also because it was super loud. I mean when they started they were home by themselves. So I’ll give her a pass on that they were being super loud but didn’t know I had gotten home

[Baseballgem4for4]

Moaning* like crazy I mean

[SnowedIn]

Great point. I'd say talk to her about the noise in a non-judgmental way (mom, I'm glad you're getting pleasure from this, but we can hear you down the block) or something. What I'd stay away from other than in your mind is how many dates, etc., And that they're already having sex. That's different for everyone.

[Baseballgem4for4]

Yea I’ll bring it up if they’re doing it loud again again, but I’ll definitely lead with telling her I’m
Happy for her and my friend too I’ll be like you’ve always said how hot my Mom and now you are taking care of her good for you man! But I’ll Def tell them it’s a bit loud… my mom raised me a certain way to treat a girl a certain way. I’m disappointed that she’d hop into bed with a guy after just like a date or 2. That’s her right but that’s not how she raised me I feel like it’s hypocrisy. I now I’m wondering the first date when they went to the hotel restaurant and my mom said they’d get a room because it’s too late to drive home, I initially thought nothing of it now I’m thinking like did they do it after the 1st date in the hotel?

[SnowedIn]

Thanks for mho!

[Baseballgem4for4]

Thanks for the advice

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Your mom is your mom & I’m sorry to hear your dad passed away. As for your mom she is still living & you have to remember that. As for your mom let her live her life & let her love & make love to whoever she wants. Your mom has needs & wants when it comes to love so let her do her own thing & let her love & be loved instead of being alone.

[Baseballgem4for4]

She can do her own thing. But she raised me not to go sleeping around be committed and in love with that person first. They had 2 prior dates before I came home to them in the bedroom. That’s the opposite of how she raised me and I am starting to think they may have done it after that first date when my mom said she was getting a hotel room for the night because it was too late to drive.. on the first date? That’s rushing things a bit isn’t it? Going on dates, cuddling kissing. Ok the make out session on the couch, ok! But it’s a little soon to be moving it into the bedroom isn’t it?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Dates, cuddling & kissing usually leads to sex if two people are hot & horny for each other so let your mom fuck your friend’s brains out & if your mom was sleeping sound she would be sleeping with all of your friend.

[Baseballgem4for4]

if your mom was sleeping sound she would be sleeping with all of your friend? I don’t know what that means

[Baseballgem4for4]

Omg!!! It’s happening again I’m at home doing school work and they are doing it again. It’s loud AF too!! Like moaning loud the bed you can hear too!! I’m not supposed to say anything?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Dude! How old are you? Your mom is horny let her hump!

[Baseballgem4for4]

I’m 20. It’s happening again they’re being super loud again

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Do you ride the short bus? I hope your mom & friend shake the sheets all night long! I think you need a girlfriend or even better move out.

[Baseballgem4for4]

I can move out and leave my mom a widow by herself? Is that what you would do? Who’s gonna take care of things fix things around the house etc

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Buy a pair of headphones. Get a girlfriend as well.

[Baseballgem4for4]

I will always worry about my widow mom. I’m not sociopath

[slatyb]

Why do you have to do anything? It does seem a bit unusual but whatever.

[Baseballgem4for4]

Well I dunno I mean like what’s my next move if it’s to do nothing and just be happy for both of em ok fine. My thing is my mom raised me not to just hop into bed to get to know the person love and commit to the girl and the. Worry about bedroom stuff. Maybe my mom needs to be reminded of that. She’s been on like 2 dates with my friend before jumping into the bed with him. I’m thinking it might have actually been the guest when they got the hotel room and spent the night. Originally I thought nothing of it now I don’t know. What I don’t get is like basically every guy tries to get in bed with my mom and they get nowhere. But with my friend they jump right into bed right away? What’s up with that

[Anonymous]

Just bend your mind around it i guess, can't be easy but you are correct that it is none of your business.

[Baseballgem4for4]

It’s been 2 prior dates also the more I think of it the first date they may have done it too when they got the hotel room for the night. Thats kinda quick I mean go on dates the kissing cuddling ok fine the making out on the couch ok.. but isn’t it a little quick to hop into bed? That’s not how my mom raised me. She raised me to not just jump into bed to connect and bond with the person love the person and be committed to them then worry about the others stuff! This is like total hypocrisy

[Opinion Owner]

That is good advice that she gave you, that is her job.

I really wish people would stop banging on about hypocrisy, its total jibberish.

What a person chooses to do for themselves has literally nothing what so ever to do with how they should advice others to act.

You think all smokers or anyone who has ever smoked is required to advise everyone else to take up smoking?

This line of thinking is absurd and alarmingly common.

[Baseballgem4for4]

So was the way she raised me wrong? Or is what she’s doing wrong? Because they’re in direct contrast to each other. Is it a little quick to be hoping into bed? That’s what I’m asking tho

[Opinion Owner]

There is simply a massive fucking difference between advising someone else and making a choice for yourself.

Whenever you advice someone else you tell them to do whatever is the safer thing because to do otherwise would be grossly irresponsible.

You can then take or leave the advice as you please when you make choices for yourself.

This is nothing to do with advice anyway.

You don't like what is happening because it makes you uncomfortable and forces you to do something you don't want to have to do and like all humans you would rather try to avoid this so rather than just getting on with it you prefer to zero in on this ridiculous hypocrisy argument so that you have something to whine about.

You're a hypocrite! Meh meh meh meh meh! It's just childish, stop that.

[Opinion Owner]

Being a hypocrite is totally fine, its even preferable.

So many people seem to have this idea that it is somehow wrong to be hypocritical, it simply isn't.

[tonamimargaux]

If it bothers you tell your mom to take things outside.

[Baseballgem4for4]

Take it outside? Like what do you mean like get a room? I’m not totally following

[tonamimargaux]

Yeah somewhere like a hotel or something. In my country we have dedicated love hotels for unmarried couples.

[Baseballgem4for4]

Ok cool. That’s not a bad idea honestly when I came home they were being super loud about it like it was obvious what was going on the bed squeaking like crazy and my was moaning super loud!! Like I agree get a room!! Cool thanks!! What country are you from by the way

[tonamimargaux]

I’m from india. And you?

[Baseballgem4for4]

I’m from USA

[tonamimargaux]

Okay.

[misogynistic_pig]

I would forbid my mother to do that.

[Baseballgem4for4]

How do I really stop her tho? And why?

[gag6474]

seems like a made up story to me tbh..

[Anonymous]

Your friend did it one time or more?

[Baseballgem4for4]

Did My mom? Just once that I know of.. I don’t know the first date when they stayed in the hotel originally I thought nothing of it but maybe then too I dunno

[In_Trance]

wdym what do you do?

[Baseballgem4for4]

Well it’s fine that they’re dating even the kissing and cuddling is ok. But don’t you think it’s kinda early to be jumping into bed? It’s been 2 prior dates also the more I think of it the first date they may have done it too when they got the hotel room for the night. That’s not how my mom raised me. She raised me to not just jump into bed to connect and bond with the person love the person and be committed to them then worry about the others stuff! This is like total hypocrisy

[In_Trance]

See my first response

[Baseballgem4for4]

You asked me a question yea? I I’m not sure what you’re confused about? Like what do you mean what do you mean?

[In_Trance]

I don't see how this has anything to do with you. You need to mind your own business

[Baseballgem4for4]

I get that, I’m not saying I can kick the guy out if the house, like a crazed over protective dad. What I’m saying is my mom raised me not to just hop into bed with girls. To get to know them, be committed and in love with her. Then worry about the bedroom stuff. She raised me like that. She’s right, Should I just remind her of it that it might be a little soon for the bedroom stuff…. The dates the kissing and cuddling it’s fine it’s good but maybe it’s a bit soon to hop in the bedroom

[In_Trance]

It's up to them to decide if it's too soon or not. None of your business. Your thoughts on the matter are invalid

[Baseballgem4for4]

I’m not getting it’s not business it’s my mom I love my mom it’s my good friend obviously I care about him too. Do you have relationship with family/friends do you take/give advice? I don’t get the it’s mon my business thing like what does that even mean

[In_Trance]

It means your mom is a grown ass woman who can make decisions for herself and look after herself. Just as you do for yourself. Stop worrying about other people

[Baseballgem4for4]

Stop worrying about my mom a widow? Is that what you’d do? Quite simply the worst advice ever

[In_Trance]

She's a grown ass woman. She can look after her own shit witout you worrying about who she's bangin.
Worry about yourself