Why can't people just answer the question?

[AviatorTom]

I just had an interesting discussion with my wife. Actually, it turned into her shouting at me.

Here's what happened...

Wife tells me she's trying to watch an <online service> on the TV that we rarely use.
I get a security warning email from the online service that someone tried to logon
I ask wife, "Did you just logon to <online service>?"
Wife replies, "I didn't change anything."
I repeat the question, "Did you just logon to <online service>?"
Wife replies, "I just told you. I didn't change anything!"
I tell wife, "I didn't ask if you changed anything."
Wife replies, yelling, "I didn't change anything!"
I tell wife, "I just got a security alert and I want to make sure it's not a problem."
Wife replies, yelling louder, "I didn't change anything!"
I calmly ask wife, "Did you logon?"
Wife replies, yelling as loud as she can, "I just told you, 3 times! I didn't change anything!"
I ask one last time, "Did you logon?"
Finally, wife yells, "Yes, Yes, Yes. Did you not hear me?"
I tell wife, "That's all I wanted to know. f you had just said Yes..."
Wife is not happy!

My wife now thinks I'm either deaf or an idiot, while I just wish she had simply answered the question I was asking, not saying something related which she thinks answers the question.

Comments?

[AnonAndrew]

It sounds like communication was a bit scrambled on both sides.

Sounds to me like when she said "I didn't change anything," your response didn't make her feel heard, so she kept repeating it in hopes of you hearing her.

(hearing here does not mean just the sounds going into your ear)

In my experience, women repeating the same thing like that is a clear sign that they don't feel heard. Usually you can let them know you heard them by repeating what they said, so they know you heard them.

If I were you, what I would have done (and the ladies here can correct me if I'm speaking nonsense), would have been to say something like:

"Oh, you didn't change anything?"
"Right!"
"That's good to know, thanks! Did you happen to just log on to <online service>, by the way?"

Would that work? I have no idea. :) But it probably wouldn't have turned out any worse, so you might wanna give it a try if something like this happens in the future.

[DrPepper12]

Having spent a lifetime telling students that exact phrase I feel your pain.

[sage2021]

I don't know why people don't answer the question they are asked. That happens a lot to me with one certain person and we end up in a fight that didn't have to happen if he just answered my damn question in the first place!!
Then I get upset and say "That's not what I asked you"!! DUH!! 🙄
So people just listen better when someone asks you a question and answer THE question, otherwise you too will have stress that neither of you need.

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂🧁🌷

[White_Widow]

Maybe next time ask her to answer with yes or no? Or explain to her, I want to make sure we aren't hacked.

The other way around applies as well. By her telling you she didn't change anything you could have interpret that she did log in.

So maybe they knife cuts at both sides? As you both understood eachother wrong?

[andreasderjuengere]

To answer your question on first impulse...

''Mine is 1 foot long''

Now going deeper into the topic (after actually reading your entire question)...

in a humorous way: YES you are an idiot :)

Wives (and similar) must not be exposed to conversations that are beyond their communicative skills - or interests.

We love them - with, or without <online service>

...

also: I know of couples who don't talk with each other at all (after some while)

...

also: in my own case I have established the phrase ''relax, baby''. She inevitably smiles no matter how serious the topic is... it works.

...

also: no imagine my step grandson who lives with us adopting this phrase when she scolds him... it works as well :D

Have a peaceful day.

[Anonymous]

I just made some really tasty tuna salad. Albacore is so much better for tuna salad than the cheaper darker meat stuff, which is usually skipjack or some other lower grade member of the mackerel family.

Just kidding. I feel your pain. My girlfriend occasionally does the same sort of thing. I know I need to be cautious about how I navigate the murky waters of trying to get an answer to my ACTUAL question without getting her panties in a wad. Sometimes I succeed, other times not so much.

[Anonymous]

People give the answer, only problem is that they see the question with different perspective so frame their answers according to that.

For example when you kept asking her about login her brain was framing your questions differently, and it was more important for her to clarify that she didn't do anything to your email. So she answered that.

[exitseven]

I can sympathize. My wife is really awesome but she does not understand technology and is not interested in learning anything about it.

[AviatorTom]

We have much in common, except my wife believes she understands technology because she's not afraid to push buttons.

[exitseven]

hahahha

[DrPepper12]

Same. She's so impatient but also unwilling to learn. It's ruff

[OlderAndWiser]

Attorneys encounter this problem frequently with witnesses who are trying to avoid answering the question. I never accept such an “answer” and it aggravates my wife, too.

[WhitneySnow]

She didn’t want to admit to logging on cause she was worried she might’ve caused the problem. That’s why she kept insisting she didn’t change anything.

[purplepoppy]

Sometimes I enjoy fried chicken but today I went for a horse ride.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'm going through the same thing, sort of. She accuses me of shit I didn't do so, I ask for proof, she accuses me again., I ask for proof, she accuses me again. 3 days later and I'm still waiting for proof!

[NathanDavis]

if they do NOT answer the questions three times in a row... then I just know they did it... lol

[Anonymous]

My mom too.
Me: "What time are we leaving?"
Her: "In a moment."
No, mom. I am asking the time. A moment can vary between 5 minutes and an hour. What time are we leaving?

[Red_Arrow]

When a car gets that wonky it is time to trade it in! Just saying.

[Dongie]

Obviously she did in order to "not change anything." She should have just answered instead of assuming things.

[douride2]

Possibly they don't understand the question.

[KostasKouvalis]

I know she's your wife, but there's really no polite way to say this. She seems slow and unstable. She cannot comprehend and answer a simple yes or no question. What kind of wife acts like this towards her husband?

[shortster]

What is the British saying? A people divided by a common language?

[Staximus]

Good luck dude

[Ariesman81]

What did she change?

[AviatorTom]

Turns out she did logon, but didn't change anything. I got a security alert because the logon came from a machine (her phone) that we had never logged on from before.

[Ariesman81]

Anytime a woman answers a question I didn't ask I'm immediately skeptical. She changed something.

[Anonymous]

I guess they are indecisive :/

[Ironco]

Just remember, they're all nuts...