Why would my best friend accuse me of my boyfriend using me?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I went on a date five or six days ago and it was romantic. My best friend things he only asked me to go on a date so I can pay and I’ve been paying for mostly every date and I’m too blind to see it. I told her he has been having trouble finding a job and he has payed for dinner. She cut me off saying that was two months ago. He’s using me. I’m at her house (spend the night last night). He FaceTimed me and he asked me for another favor. He wanted me to loan him 100 dollars so he can get a new suite for his job interview tomorrow. Why would someone need $100 for a new suite. He said not only that but he needs new shoes and to go to the barbershop. My best friend was like, “No she will not give you money for that!”
Then I said, “Babe, that’s a lot. Can’t you find something in your closet instead of asking me for money?”
My best friend told me not to loan him anymore money.
Then I went into the other room and told my boyfriend how he’s always been asking me for money and it hurts my feelings. Then he said, “YOUR feelings are hurt? How do you think I feel having to asked my girlfriend for money? This my my job interview! Don’t you want me to look professional? Look if I get this job, I’ll save up, be a better person so in the future, I can have a place for myself so you and I can maybe live together. I love you.”
I felt bad and I reluctantly said I’ll send him honey and he said I was the best.
My best friend called me an idiot for sending him money and he is using me! I yelled at her but she told me I need to hear the cold hard truth that he is using me as his piggy bank, he doesn’t love me and there’s so many red flags! She said our guy friend is right. Never had a heated fight with her. I told her she’s jealous! She said, “Go a head, get used and thrown under the bus! One day you will open your eyes and see the truth about your douchbag, loser of a boyfriend!” And she walked off.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a really tough situation with your best friend. It sounds like she's really convinced your boyfriend is just using you for money, and she's being super harsh about it. I can see why you'd be hurt and upset with her.

I get that she's just trying to look out for you and doesn't want you to get taken advantage of, but the way she's going about it isn't cool at all. Calling your boyfriend a "douchebag loser" and saying he doesn't love you? That's way too far. She's definitely crossed a line there.

At the same time, I can kinda see where she's coming from. The fact that your boyfriend keeps asking you for money, even for stuff like a job interview outfit, is a little sketchy. It does raise some red flags, even if he says he'll pay you back. You don't want to end up being his personal bank account, you know?

But still, that doesn't give your best friend the right to blow up at you and accuse you of being an "idiot" who's getting "used and thrown under the bus." That's just mean and disrespectful. Even if she's coming from a place of concern, she should be able to have an honest, caring conversation with you about her worries.

I think the best thing to do is try to have a calm, rational talk with both your boyfriend and your best friend. Tell your boyfriend that you want to understand his situation better, but you can't keep loaning him money without seeing a clear plan for how he'll pay you back. And tell your best friend that you appreciate her looking out for you, but the way she's going about it is hurtful and not cool.

You're not an "idiot" - you're trying to navigate a tough situation the best you can. Your best friend should be supporting you, not insulting you. At the end of the day, you have to make your own call on your relationship. Just be smart about it and don't let anyone bully you. Stick up for yourself, girl!

[MissTrix]

Probably cause she is fully right!

All my hearts have blinders on for Thier bfs. Your boyfriend is showing clear signs of using you only for money and attention.

Like he got mad when you asked him to not spend money he is asking you for. Normal boyfriend would say sure I'll try.

Highly doubt he has a real interview coming. Probably just wanted a suit that you paid for. Also 100 for a suit is the most awful looking suite. From the rack which will look awful!

Really no one wears a suit they just dress nice or casual.

She got mad cause your ignoring her and all the signs. It gets frustrating seeing your friend hurt themselves and ignore you trying to help.

Lost many friendships from being honest. 7 months later they come back pregnant or broke saying me and my friends were right.

[Asker]

You don’t know that!! He really did have a job interview and he’s waiting to hear back! People keep thinking he’s lying. My best friend had no right to call me an idiot!
Well that suck’s your other friends went through but that won’t happen to me. Say best friend said Eddy was right and I better listen to him and her and she knows Eddy has been in love with me for YEARS but I’m always paying attention to guys that didn’t care or our of my leave.

[MissTrix]

So you saw his gps go to the interview? For just him leave and say he is going?

Cause you said it won't happen that is why it's happening...

No your right she got mad and said it bad

[Valdemort]

Your best friend isn't accusing you. She's accusing your boyfriend. Rightfully so.

[Valdemort]

1. He's gaslighting you into telling you HIS feelings are hurt.
2. He wants to be better in the FUTURE? What about the present?
3. He's gonna buy himself a house, and you can "maybe" move in... wtf dude? Lmfao. You're gonna be a hostage of sorts?

[Asker]

You guys always think negative! I finally got a 6’5 good looking boyfriend and people talk trash about him. He texted me saying hopefully he’ll get the job.
Why can't people just have faith?

[Valdemort]

Negative or realistic? Believe me - I tend to see the positive in everything, but as an outsider, this definitely doesn't look very good.
That said, if you don't want an outsiders opinion or perspective, why ask the question?

[Asker]

We’ll I asked her because I think my guy friend is messing up my relationship.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with your friend on this.

[Asker]

So what am I suppose to do? Leave my 6’5, good looking boyfriend?
As a 6’1” girl I finally have a tall man and my family and friends don’t like him.

[Opinion Owner]

Your reasons for staying then are superficial. Yes, you leave a bad relationship when you can do better, doesn’t matter what the guy looks like. He’s not the only tall guy in the world you know.

[Opinion Owner]

Everyone around you is telling you this isn’t a good fit, even us strangers on the internet.

[Asker]

It’s not superficial. I’m always dating average looking guys. Not saying it’s a bad things. My guy friend said my boyfriend is no good and I made a huge mistake.

[Opinion Owner]

It doesn’t sound like you really care to hear what anyone has to say about him. You’ll call them jealous, judgmental and whatever else so why ask? Why not just keep your relationship to yourself since you fight against everyone trying to give you logic? It’s like a trap, for your us, your friends and family because you ask for advice or an opinion and it gets met with pure bias. Yes, it is superficial when your main reasons for staying are because he’s tall and good looking and you’re so tall you have a hard time finding matches. Well, those were the cards you’re dealt. You could work with them in such a more productive way than settling.

[Asker]

So what do you want me to do?

[Opinion Owner]

I can’t tell you what to do, but I do find it pointless to ask the people around you for advice and you defend the hell out of him and your relationship, even risking those friendships for his sake. If you want to stay with him that’s your choice, but don’t expect support from the people who you already know don’t agree with that relationship, and keep it to yourself. I’m sure that’ll feel isolating not being able to talk about him with gosh besties or your family but that comes with your choice to stay with him.

At the end of the day no one has to agree with or support your relationship, but life sure is nicer when having a man doesn’t mean losing everything else.

[Asker]

You’re rude. Plus I already broke up with my boyfriend. I can’t believe everyone was right. All I got was “I told you!!”
“Don’t come crying to us! We warned you about him but you wouldn’t listen! We told you he was no good!”
If I hear “I told you” ONE MORE TIME!
Im sick of being told that! Now I’m defeated!

[Opinion Owner]

I’m rude? You do not know me or my tone. YOU sound like a child, honestly. No one would’ve known anything about this, including myself, if you didn’t put your business out there for everyone to judge. If you don’t want feedback or opinions, then don’t freaking tell the people! It’s so simple. You picked a man who was unfavorable, and asked for opinions about him, so stop being so fucking bratty as if we all came to you. NO! You brought it to us! You took the time, wrote it out, and now that people doesn’t like him, you’re upset. Well, you did it to yourself!