Why are some people obsessed with naming their child after a family member?

[Vesuvius87]

I'm currently slightly over 5 months pregnant with a baby boy and my parents were initially being a bit pushy about naming my baby after my husband and following it with Jr. My father is deeply engrained with that tradition of naming a child after a family member's first name or middle name. I was named after his mother. My brother was named the English version of his name and his middle name is his father's first name.

Needless to say, my answer to their suggestion was an absolutely not. Secondly, my husband used to dislike his first name (it's actually an adjective and he used to get bullied at school for that) as a kid. I find that a very strange obsession to be naming a child after a family member. My husband and I came to the agreement that I would select our boy's first name and he picks a middle name. We have a first name for our boy and it's his own unique name. No family members nor friends has that name. I like the idea of a child having their own name, their own identity.

But honesty what's up with the naming them after your parents or yourself? I'll never understand that weird tradition.

[Screenwriter]

First off, it doesn't matter if your child is Vesuvius Adenoid Frazier X, that child WILL have its own identity if it's been named after the entire human genome.

The point is, you don't want the junior thing going on. My dad named my brother with two family names, one of which he hated and never went by except in WWII and birth certificate records. His driver's license has the name of his choice on it -- Alexander, whereas his legal name was Jacob Alexander. His WILL is signed ALEXANDER P. But family witnesses ID'd him as who he was, so everything was legal.

YET, he named my brother the name he disliked, and my brother named HIS son the same, making a No. III!

I believe humans think keeping the same name means they'll be remembered.

I think deeds speak louder than reused names. But there's nothing wrong with using a family name if you LIKE it.

I named my son Alexander because it's a meaningful name to me. Means "helper of men," which is who my father was, and my son has those same traits, oddly enough. Even looks a lot like his grandfather! And I was close to and admired my father. My son adored him.

However, Jacob, his first name, meant nothing to me because he never used it. And I wouldn't have chosen it if that was the only choice. His other grandfather was named Francis, so that was a no-go either. Was never considered.

The name has to mean something to YOU first. If you can find a family name that works, then use it. If you can't, so be it. You can't please everybody. And tradition be damned if it doesn't set well with you! Good luck.

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed it has to be a name you like. Your father naming your brother one name he hated doesn't make sense. I liked the first name our baby boy will have, which is Kenneth. It can be abbreviated to Ken or Kenny as his nickname. I love the fact that no one in either side of our family nor friends have that name. In addition, it has Gaelic origin and it means handsome or comely. He's currently looking for a middle name. If my husband needs help with a middle name, I had in mind Asher. That one derives from the Hebrew word osher. It means happy and blessing, which reminds me as the happiness and wonderful journey our baby boy will bring.
In the end, yeah it's whatever suits you. If you loved your father's name because it reminds you of his good traits, that's what matters. It has to be a name we like.

[naartjie]

My stepdad never had kids of his own and he took us in as his own. I plan to name my first son after him.
I think this can be a sweet tradition especially when you’re extremely close with your family as I am with mine.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm very close to my family but see my baby boy as a new, unique person. The important thing is liking the name. As long as you like it, it's all good.
What do you plan to name your child if in case it's a girl?

[naartjie]

Just because they have a similar or the same name as a family member, doesn’t mean they aren’t unique or not their own person, we’re all our own person and unique. The thing I love about continuing makes is it’s all about respect and honour… preserving a persons legacy and you only do this for someone who was everything to you.
It’s all about keeping them connected to their roots and lineage, ties between different generations.
I find this to be such a beautiful thing to do, being someone who values family, tradition, have a lot of deep respect for few close family members…
If I have a daughter I’ll name her after my mom or her mother. My gran named my mom after her mother and my mom named me after her grandmother so I’ll name my daughter after one of them and not just because they did it but because I love them both more than anything in this world, I’d die for them and I never want them to be forgotten. I’d want their names to be continued.

[Anonymous]

It's not an obsession, it's tradition, and an expectation for some. It's a way to honor the family who made your life possible.

Having said that, it's no one's choice but yours and your husband's. My brother and his wife chose to decide on their children's first names regardless of family, and then use family names as middle names to honor their families. I'm not married but I would probably opt for something similar

But you just need to do what's right for you, factoring in the family political fallout and deciding what you're willing to deal with.

[Vesuvius87]

I guess something similar must be easier than actually going through Google and taking more time searching through list of name and seeking the meaning of them. If I were expected to follow the tradition, I wouldn't be happy and feel forced to do something I don't want.
When you name a child after yourself or a family member, there is 50/50 chance your child might not want to do the same thing.

[Opinion Owner]

Understood. Well I hope you do what's right for you and your husband and it works out well.

I've read your posts here over the years and you seem like a genuinely good person. I wish you the best.

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you.

[ArrowheadSW]

I used to work with a guy who said that when he and his wife named their son, he didn't want his son to have his name. This was so if the son grew up to be bad, it wouldn't be associated with his own name. Good thing, because his son had problems and was in prison twice.

[Vesuvius87]

Wow he accidentally predicted right.

[ArrowheadSW]

@Vesuvius87 LOL Yes he did predict right. This guy was much older and his son is well into adulthood now. Last I heard, he was doing well. So that's good.

[ShellyB]

It seems like a touchy subject, I don’t know if it’s an “obsession” I think it’s just that a lot of people feel like it’s a way to connect generations and remind people of where they came from or family, but it is just a matter of opinion for your child you should do what you prefer. JMO!

[Vesuvius87]

yeah I would've felt weird if my child was constantly reminded of another family member instead of having their own identity. Our son is now 10 weeks old (by Aug 15 he'll be 3 months) and my husband and I are both glad to have given him a unique name no friends nor family members shared.

[exitseven]

I was born with a twin brother. I was named after my mother's father and my brother was named after my father's father. I think people like to have babies named after maybe bedside little bit of them lives on after thy die. My wife asked me if I wanted my son to be named after me. I said that I wanted him to be his own man.

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah I love treating my baby as an individual person.

[DishLady]

I don't think it's so much an obsession as just a matter of tradition. Some people do it and some don't. It's just a matter of personal preference.

[Anonymous]

For some families it's important to establish a strong link within the family for the child irrespective of surname and using an existing name is a good way to do this.
We, like many, use middle names for this purpose leaving the common name (first name) free for uniqueness.
Not a big fan of first name duplicity. It's just asking for logistical complication and seems odd to me.

[Vesuvius87]

Yet, it can be uncomfortable and feel like living under the shadow of that family member instead of actually being your own person. Not only do I happen to share my grandmother's first name but I even look similar to her when she was young. Many years ago (I was then 20), one of my mother's friend really confused her portrait at age 19 for me. She really thought it was me. So awkward.

[Vesuvius87]

So you can guess that's so awkward. To not even share a family member's first name but look like them too.

[DryGermanGuy]

Better to choose an individual name than to end up like the characters in Goodfellas:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/3qb22CzFXYY

[Vesuvius87]

yeah that can indeed create confusion. I can't imagine the mailman when he had to deliver a package to a John (and the son happens to be named John too) or a phone call either to John Sr or John Jr. It's better for the child to have their own unique identity.

[Nikki1989]

If it is an actual name, I am fine with it. I hate however when parents use words that are not meant to be names, like Hunter or Emerald. I know a kid who was named Legacy. WTF?

[Vesuvius87]

True. Though I've heard of Destiny being used for girls. My husband's name (Manly) is really an adjective and kids would bullied him about it. He used to hate his name back then.

[AviatorTom]

It's a sign of respect for that family member. My family has a tradition of the first-born boy having their grandfather's middle name, second-born gets ther father's middle name.

[Vesuvius87]

What is their rule if it's a first-born girl and next girl?

[AviatorTom]

@Vesuvius87 Girls are treated differently. The first-born girl's middle name us Mary (or variant). There us no rule for later girls.

[katiesmuff]

Naming a child should be the business of the parents and everyone else should keep their opinions to themselves.

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed. At most, the parents can state their opinion but then leave it at that and don't be pushy about it if we don't agree to it. I have a short story about a meddling mother. My male cousin had reached an agreement with his fiancee that their boy wouldn't have a middle name, just a first name and didn't want the boy named after him nor any family member. Then at the last moment, the mother uses her fiance's first name for their boy's middle name.
Turns out the girl's mother kept pushing her (even got upset) to use the father's name as the middle name. Talk about meddling grandmother!! The guy was upset.

[Vesuvius87]

Needless to say, I wouldn't let my parents push me into using a name I don't want. If they would've reacted like that girl's mother (all upset and pushy), that still wouldn't change my mind. It would still be a no.

[Apple1996]

Oh I LOVE passing on family names. It just shows how much you value and love your family to keep those names going

[Vesuvius87]

Wow. Thank you for sharing your feelings about it. Though I see that being too attached. I love and value my family but naming my baby after them to me is going too far. I guess for me it just seems odd.

[Ariesman81]

It's about legacy. Something few women understand.
I actually feel sorry for your husband. Having to deal with you sounds... unfortunate

[Vesuvius87]

My husband didn't like his first name as a kid so nope, he wouldn't have liked our boy named after him. He really isn't into repeating names either. We actually have more things in common than differences.

[Ariesman81]

No. He's agreeing with you to keep the peace. A man is his name, and whether you realize it or not, you've just told him you don't like or respect him. Whether he realizes it or not, he's just let you lead the relationship.

[Vesuvius87]

To be honest, isn't it suppose to even in a relationship? A mother would also have a say in the naming of their child too. I'm carrying his baby after all.
I've already shown my love and great respect for him by happily acquiring his last name.

[Ariesman81]

Whose child is it? His or "ours" (using the word ours as in you and your husband)?
Simply suggesting that you figure that out.
And no, I don't believe a relationship between a man and woman is ever equal.

[Vesuvius87]

It's our baby. I said his his baby as an emphasis of my deep commitment towards my husband. It's me describing the action of carrying my husband's baby.
I believe both the mother and father should have a saying in the child's name. If the mother doesn't agree with a certain name, she can voice her opinion too. Nowadays it's no longer just the father selecting the names; the mother participates too. That's what I call working a as team.

[Ariesman81]

And what happens if you disagree with the name he chooses?

[Vesuvius87]

Then I can voice my opinion, views and we come to a name we can both agree on.

[Ariesman81]

You mean one you agree to. You're leading the marriage. You are not a traditional wife.

[Vesuvius87]

Honestly I'm not a difficult person. I would be fine with a good name you chose provided that it doesn't land on the 3 no's.
- Names that comes from a family member or friend: There are so many beautiful, unique names to search with the help of Google or other places and if the only thing you can think about is a repeated name, it's like you didn't really take your time. I see my baby boy as a unique, new person and not a replica.

- Names that are way too common that anyone can have them: Those would be names like John, Joe, Carlos, Maria variations, Anna variations, Jack, Josh, etc. It doesn't sound creative nor unique.

- A name that can put the child in jeopardy of getting bullied at school. For instance I originally disagreed with one of the names for our baby boy to be Coyote. My husband hated his first name (Manly) for that same reason; he got bullied as a kid for having that name. It wouldn't make sense putting the child through that same ordeal you, yourself underwent.

I'm traditional in the sense that I've gladly acquired my husband surname, take my marital vows seriously, don't nag nor argue, hate daycares and prefer staying at home taking care of our child. I don't like babysitters either and if I have do do some errands, I would prefer either my parents or other close family members watching over the baby over a stranger.

[Ariesman81]

It's going to be Sue. And that's the end of it.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm glad it's not like that in my marriage.

[Ariesman81]

Hit me up when you get divorced

[Vesuvius87]

I actually believe that should be reserved as the very last resort to the two serious offenses: Abuse and infidelity. The rest can be worked out and come to a compromise.

[strateguy632]

Why are YOU so obsessed and anti? It is just a name.

[Vesuvius87]

I consider that lack of creativity and just love treating my baby as an individual person.

[Sevenpointfive]

i think the idea of reincarnation is strong in those people

[Vesuvius87]

I guess. My father thinks there is a possibility of reincarnation and sometimes wonders about the book called Many Lives, Many Master by Brian Weiss. Needless to say, I would find it so weird to want my child to be the reincarnation of a family member.
I happen to also resemble dad's mother in physical appearances too when I was her same age during my late teens, early 20's. If I were also a reincarnation of her, I would honestly think that's too weird by then.

[Sevenpointfive]

did you just spoil the movies for me? i'm about to watch HEREDITARY

[LiamS95]

Just name the baby with whatever name you and your husband prefer and I'll approve it... lol

[Vesuvius87]

So far we've come to the agreement that our boy's first name will be Kenneth (no family nor friend in neither side has that name). The nickname is either Ken or Kenny. We're still in search of a middle name.

[LiamS95]

I think Ken is a name he could live with

[LiamS95]

Robert might work as a middle name

[Vesuvius87]

Possibly. My husband is looking for an adjective as the middle name. By the time I host my baby shower (on May), our child will have his middle name too.

[LiamS95]

Sounds good, love to you both.

[Bklynbadboy12]

You answered your own question. Your parents are old school and traditionally that's what they did your first born son was named after you

[Vesuvius87]

Fortunately they don't get to decide anymore. My husband actually hated his name (Manly) because it would get him bullied by peers. Besides the lack of creativity, it also wouldn't make sense naming my child after my husband esp after what he experienced.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I agree I'd want the best for my child too

[CubaPirate]

I really don't get it. But I was named after my father's brother who died in a motorbike accident before I was born

[Vesuvius87]

That's very sensitive. I wouldn't name my child after a loved one's death. I imagine that would be too sad for me every single time it's my child's b-day.

[CubaPirate]

Yeah 👍

[msg321]

Because they love a family member and want his/her name live forever.

[Vesuvius87]

Personally I find that a weird attachment but ok to each their own.

[Skfisllw]

My name is the same with my grandma's name. I love my name but i don't like this tradition.

[Vesuvius87]

Same. I like my name but don't agree with the tradition.

[Anonymous]

It's not an obsession. It's tradition in my family.

[Vesuvius87]

I just find it so weird. The newer generations in my family are opting out of that tradition and naming their children differently nowadays.

[Opinion Owner]

Well the way we do it in my family is the child get thier middle name named after them. Like my middle name is my father's first name. You can still name the child whatever you want but the middle is kind of just taken as a sign of respect.

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you for the insight. I guess we all have a different concept of showing respect. My way is by giving our boy his own identity.

[SimpleGirl07]

in my culture the name after our grandparents.

[Agape93]

That's still a thing? Wtf

[Vesuvius87]

I just don't understand that ''my boy will be just like his father, a Jr'' nor 'my girl will be just like my mom''. Meanwhile I'm thinking ''umm no, my child will be his own person, his own unique ID''. Apparently it's a Latino tradition thing. Though the younger generations are opting away from that tradition by now and naming their children differently.

[Agape93]

That's so strange

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed

[sinderella18]

Just to remember the family member by I think.

[GODBODY954]

My guess to keep the name going for generation

[Vesuvius87]

Until someone like me gets tired of it and breaks the cycle.

[Anonymous]

I wonder the same, I would never do that.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah, out of so many names to think about... naming after a family member seems laziness to me.

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly.

[Rena90]

I think it a traditional I guess.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah and I got bored with that tradition. I find it exciting when you have lots of time to select the name, take your time searching and actually come with something unique. It shows creativity.

[Professor-college]

I don't like that... Names should be unique

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly.

[MasterKS]

such a weird. LOL!

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed. It's weird. I'm glad our baby boy will be named differently, with his own identity, his own personality.

[Vesuvius87]

I wouldn't want him to be a replica of a family member because he isn't. He's his own person.

[MasterKS]

@Vesuvius87 love your pov.

[FenixG45]

It's cultural.

[Vesuvius87]

It continues until someone in the family (me) breaks the tradition.