Anyone feel like he she doesn’t belong to anywhere?

[Crazzyyworld]

My parents wanted 2 children. They got me by accident. And they went to see doctor to get abortion. But the doctor told her it’s easier to give a birth than getting abortion. So they decided to get me. When I was 4 I was just about to be able to run I teased a big boy looking like a loser. That night my parents was saying that they will dump me to orphanage. I was so shocked. They were so cold as if they are not my parents. Since then I developed terrible congestion after I dream of running away from home and someone I met in the street kill me on the dark corner. It was like a day dream. I suffered terrible congestion for a long time since then.
I grown up like orphan. My mom never came to see me in school. She didn’t do my laundry. I wore dirty pants for a couple of months. She never ever helped me with homework. She never even asked me if I did homework. My sister and brother had a tutor. I didn’t get any until I become older.
I went to study in america later on. My parents saved some money so I could afford. But I did terrible. I was not communicating and I developed schizophrenia.
I still think I don’t have connection to my country or people. I just watch European movie or American movie and fascinated by their relationship which I never had. I visit my country but my mom is kind of man hater. I see other man haters with her. It’s not a good feeling. I mean I just don’t see the connection to my people. Growing up I was looking different too. I look like a Mexican people said. I don’t look Korean. It makes it worse. I feel so high and dry, I lose this connection to my country so easily making me feel like I am high and dry. I mean I used to think Americans are more like myself cause they don’t have origin. They are all mixed up and have no root.

Updates

1 y

So I was feeling more like them but obviously they have their origin unlike me. They seem to act like white black latino no matter. So I feel like I am detached from any group.
I feel attachment like 2 times in my life people accepting me as I am but it didn’t last long. It was brief. I don’t know..
is there anyone who just like me who feel abandoned and have little connection to anybody? I mean I am transgender also. So I feel more abandoned.

Updates

1 y

I try to find sister like people but it’s just hard. We are less than 1 percent of the population and the trans girls I met struggling to find their identity so they have no room for friendship. It’s just that one good thing is no one bother me or lie to me or cheat or deceive me. A lot of people have problem in their relationship and I don’t have any.
is there anyone like myself?

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, I totally feel you on that. It sounds like you've been through a lot of really tough stuff, and it's no wonder you feel so disconnected and like you don't belong anywhere. Growing up with parents who didn't seem to want you or support you, not feeling accepted by your own culture and community - that's gotta be so isolating.

I can imagine how hard it must be to not have that sense of belonging or strong bonds with family and friends. The way you described feeling like an "orphan" even though your parents are still around, that hits deep. And then on top of that, dealing with mental health struggles and being transgender - that's a lot to navigate.

It really sucks that the trans girls you've met haven't been in a place to also be good friends and support systems. I can see how that would make it even harder to find your tribe. But I'm proud of you for still trying, even when it's been so difficult.

The one silver lining I hear is that at least you haven't had to deal with a lot of the drama and betrayal that a lot of people face in their relationships. That's gotta be a small blessing, even if it doesn't fill that need for belonging.

I wish I had some magical solution to make you feel less alone. But the truth is, feeling that way is really common, especially for folks who've been marginalized or had tough upbringings. The most important thing is that you keep being kind to yourself and not lose hope.

Maybe try focusing on building connections with people who share your interests or values, even if they don't have the same cultural background. And don't be afraid to seek out professional support, whether it's therapy or joining LGBTQ+ support groups. You deserve to feel accepted and at home somewhere.

Sending you so much love and strength, girl. You've got this, even on the tough days. Wishing you all the best.

[SueShe]

Anyong Aseyo,

Your story is a sad one and I am so totally sorry for you and for what you had to go through in the course of your life.

I presume that you were born in Korea. I have a fairly good knowledge of that country and the mentality of its people. Growing up in the 1980s like you did was not a piece of cake, mainly in view of the political system of the military junta and the general views of what the values of a girl was. Just like in China and in many other Asian country, a girl was not worth much. Not that things have changed much since then but in the 21st. century, the stigma for a girl in Asia is not as bad anymore albeit still an issue for many girls born with a century old mentality that girls are not worth much.

I am so truly sorry for what you had to endure and hope that today, your outlook on life is better than it was as a child. Good luck.