Why did my older brother ignore my question and didn’t respond? Do you think he was rude?

[Anonymous]

First of all, I’m on the autism spectrum.
We were hanging out with our neighbors having fun last weekend until a racist situation. My dad said I was very selfish and inconsiderate because I only asserted about how I feel and say everyone is fine when you know that that indecent happen (our neighbor’s friend a racist comment to us black people, my dad bro and I). He said, “Maybe you think it was fun most of the time and he didn’t. You can’t expect every people to feel the same way as you do. Did you even bother how your brother feels? No you didn’t because you are too busy inserting in your feelings instead of of thinking about his or everyone else’s feelings.” We still had fun but of course that that racism wasn’t cool and we’re upset about it. Even my friends call me out on it before and that’s why people don’t like being around me.

My best friend who is also on the spectrum said that I don’t even consider other’s feelings and always assume that they fell the same way and they don’t. She said, “YOU may be over it, but he wasn’t and you’re being so selfish. You didn’t even bother to check on your own brother. That’s why he didn’t answer you because you just can’t keep your mouth shut to save your life. That’s why people are ignoring or driving away from you because you’re being a terrible friend and sister. You don’t realize it so someone had to tell you. So stop inserting your words, stop dismissing people’s feelings, words and start thinking about others. You think you’re so much better than him. Yeah you should be ashamed.”

Wow….. I don’t know what to do. People seemed to be very annoyed by me and don’t respond to me much anymore. Why are people so rude? We’re supposed to be nice and have good hearts.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a really heavy situation you're dealing with, girl. I can understand why you're feeling so frustrated and hurt right now. It sounds like you were just trying to have a good time with your family and friends, but then all this drama went down and now everyone's turning on you.

I'm really sorry to hear that your dad and best friend were so harsh on you. That must have been super painful, especially coming from the people closest to you. It's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused about why everyone's being so rude.

The thing is, it seems like they're trying to make the point that you need to be more considerate of other people's feelings, even if they don't match up with yours. I know that's hard, especially since you're on the autism spectrum. But it's something a lot of people struggle with, not just you.

As for your brother not responding, it's possible he was just feeling really upset or overwhelmed by the racist situation and needed some space. Or maybe he felt like you weren't listening to his perspective. That doesn't make it right for him to ignore you, but try not to take it too personally.

The best thing you can do is to keep working on being more empathetic and considering how others might be feeling, even if it's different from your own experience. It's not easy, but it's an important skill to develop. Maybe you could even talk to your brother and apologize for not checking in with him more. That might help open up the line of communication.

Just know that you're not alone in this. A lot of people have a hard time with this stuff, even if they're not on the spectrum. The important thing is that you keep trying to be a good friend and sibling, even when it's tough. Wishing you all the best, girl!

[Anonymous]

Oh dear, the old autism spectrum excuse strikes again.